“Resolving conflicts means growth.” Ever heard of this?
This might sound too complicated or far-fetched to some people who believe that life should be conflict-free. The downside of this wishful thinking is evident.
For someone who wants everyone around him to agree, or pose no threat or challenge to his opinions, decisions, and beliefs, must find himself another planet. Life on Earth was designed by the Creator on the laws of diversity. This simply means that you and I will never think alike because of the way Allah (swt) has created us. We have unique DNAs. We have special abilities and faculties. We are not expected to agree with one another all the time. But that does not mean that we will not get along, see eye to eye, or become arch enemies.
Imagine when your parents float an idea to you that is unheard of. Instead of instantly brushing it aside disdainfully as it comes from the unsmart generation, consider what results it can bear. Conflicts are meant to rattle us. Unearth the hidden possibilities that can only happen when we let go of our own possessive thoughts about something or someone.
Similarly, try to understand why your spouse might think or behave about something so differently from you. It’s an opportunity to shift the focus from your own thoughts to his or her and try to discover him or her. These conflicts can actually become an adventure if we relax and not worry too much about being right all the time and having the final say. In Allah’s (swt) sight, such people are not wise as they disrupt peace, brew quarrels, and expect to be perfect all the time. And perfection is only Allah’s (swt) attribute, Alhumdulillah.
There is so much ease in being imperfect. You can make mistakes and apologize and fix things. Alhumdulillah once again.
Sometimes, you find your children on a different wavelength, and you know it is clearly wrong. There is no harm acknowledging their feelings. When they tell you something, rephrase their words and confirm that you understand how they feel. Once they are assured that they have communicated themselves to you, you may let them know your point of view and invite them to understand as well. Mid way there could be a negotiation that teaches them how to deal with two conflicting views. But if you start a sermon it will only end up in a flared argument. You can’t skip the part of listening from the heart.
Even at our workplace, in our educational institutes, on the road, and in the market, we often witness brawls and ugly incidents that are now unfortunately not just restricted to verbal abuse or fist fights. These clashes have become an armed battle where conflicting parties are shooting each other, young and old.
A lesson that every family member must learn and teach is to grant everyone space and respect. There is no victory in the attitude of ‘my way or the highway’. This stubbornness, pride and inflexibility is breaking up homes and relationships.
Allah (swt) has equipped every human being with the ability to adapt, adjust and be aware of other’s needs. It’s only when we dwell on our vain desires that we give up this beautiful quality and behave like squabbling animals.
Don’t be afraid of conflicts. Find the Khair (goodness) in it. Pray to Allah (swt) to show you the correct path and make treading on it easy and content.
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