- What have you kept your wife busy with?
“I refuse to eat anything other than my wife’s cuisine!” accentuated a certain gentleman, who could afford to hire a cook but would not. Consequently, to cater to his fuss over well-cooked and presented meals, his wife handed over their three children to the maids, drivers, and gate keepers alternately. Now, what was more important? Providing protection and a mother’s care to the children or delectable delights and a spruced-up home? The choice is obvious, but amazingly many fathers fail to opt for it. To them, anyone looking trustworthy enough can be an easy replacement for their children’s mother – as long as their personal needs are met.
- How safe are your children in the company of servants?
Occupied mothers send their maids and sometimes their drivers to collect and drop off kids to and from school, tuition centres, parks, parties, and sports clubs. How safe is your child in solitude with these servants? Do you seriously believe that a child that is likely to be inappropriately touched, physically abused, or mishandled will walk up to you and confide in you? Never. Then what should be the solution? Either mothers willingly accompany the children outside their homes, or you should take turns to do that. Otherwise, a child is better off at home than in the hands of domestic staff whom you seem to trust.
- Isn’t a mother entitled to exercise or entertainment?
It’s common in elite parks nowadays to witness babies in the laps of maids and little girls being cared for by teenaged male servants and older men. Why? Because their mothers are on the walking track for their daily exercise. If you can afford to hire a servant for your wife, please, arrange for a treadmill at home or a club membership, which ensures that children are strictly present in the company of their mother. During social meet-ups, mothers do not become oblivious to the kid’s whereabouts. It is naïve to think that they will be well taken care of in our absence by others.
- Hiring opposite gender servants – how critically is it needed?
This is essentially important in cases of live-in house help. A house with young lads and teenagers is not suitable for young female maids. Why do we want to provide grounds for Fitnah (trials), when we know that Allah’s Messenger (sa) forbade a non-Mahram male and female to be in privacy? And this will be inevitable, as you or your wife will not be guarding the house around the clock. Similarly, in a house with young girls, male servants should not be permitted to enter the privacy of the household, especially where Purdah is not observed.
- To what extent are you accountable for the safety of your kids?
“O you, who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones.” (At-Tahrim 66:6) The Prophet (sa) said: “A man is the protector for his household (family).” (Bukhari)
Men may contend that their schedules do not permit them time to supervise home affairs, which are dealt with by their wives. As an Ameer (leader) of their respective families, they are accountable before Allah (swt) to firmly set family norms that protect them physically, spiritually, and mentally. In the day and age of rampant evils and soft and direct pornography, nobody but the parents should fully assume responsibilities of underage kids. A dusty house, a simple meal, a few sleepless nights, or fatigued car trips are far better off than the horrific sexual crimes that you can expose your kids to in your absence.