As a family, we all wish and pray to stay together, whether it is at home, on a family outing, or a holiday. We even imagine dwelling in Paradise with our loved ones. But the Quran sketches something petrifying, which is worthy of notice and calls for action.
“Though they shall be made to see one another [(on the Day of Resurrection), there will be none but see his father, children and relatives, but he will neither speak to them nor will ask them for any help]. The Mujrim (sinner) would desire to ransom himself from the punishment of that Day by his children. And his wife and his brother, and his kindred who sheltered him, and all that are in the Earth, so that it might save him. By no means! Verily, it will be the fire of Hell.” (Al- Marij 70:11-15)
What common sins are committed by spouses that may engulf their children too? Kids replicate the behavior of their parents. What the parents model consciously or unconsciously will be adapted by their children later in their lives too, as man is either a product of nature (inherited qualities) or nurture (environmental conditioning).
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Shirk
Muslims are not bowing to idols today. But we are deeply and dangerously indulging into beliefs and festivities of the disbelievers. Sadly, this has become a norm for many Muslims. Birthday parties, birth and death anniversaries, this day and that day, fortune telling, lucky charms, concept of mother nature, the evolution theory… and the list goes on. Seemingly they are all innocent and only occasions of joy or grief. However, they all have roots in polytheism and rattle our ideologies of Tauheed subtly.
Islam has already given us what we have via the Quran and our Prophet (sa). Shirk is the only sin Allah (swt) has claimed never to forgive. We must ensure that we are not practicing a lifestyle that ignorantly ascribes partners to Allah (swt). In Islam, ignorance is not bliss.
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Slander
I am yet to meet a couple (Deeni or non-Deeni) who would praise their spouse. Regardless of age, background, and education, it is sadly noted that spouses backbite most about their own partners. Sometimes it’s just a joke – nevertheless, through it you have revealed your better half before the public. This is sometimes done deliberately when you need to criticize him or her and complain to your own parents, friends, and even on the social media to prove your innocence.
The same would have benefitted, if it had been conveyed to someone wise – an expert in problem resolution who could offer morally sound counsel and not just enjoy the gossip.
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Leisure Hours
If you indulge into screening the mainstream media, whether it’s in the form of movies, dramas, shows, concerts, videos or games, you have approved it for the family, too. Islamically the head of the family and the rest of the members have the same moral obligation. There are no ratings like xxx, adult, restricted, or parental guidance required as far as the angels are concerned. They will record it as a sin, whether it is the dad or the son, who are watching something inappropriate. The same goes for music. It is forbidden in Islam by the Quran and the Ahadeeth, no matter what anyone says to endorse it otherwise. As a parent, if you take your children to the cinema or concert escorting them personally, you should think twice and research the subject with an authentic scholar.
There are a million and one pasttimes a family or spouses can pursue, which are completely Halal and great fun. They are challenging and healthy and build family bonds.
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Love of the World
“Who broke my flower vase?” “Who scratched my car?” “How did this shirt get burnt?” As spouses, we single out each other, sometimes our servants and at other times our kids for any household loss. It is good to know who did it, and if we have an atmosphere at home, where fear of consequence is not prevalent, the person who did the damage will eventually admit his or her mistake. But when we start shouting the price tags of the broken stuff, how hard we have earned our living, how valuable the possession was, and how shaken up we are after it is gone, we only send one message across – things are important and people are not.
Similarly discussing brands, ownerships, and who has what and how many and how they have earned it, not only makes us discontent but also sows the seeds of ingratitude. It is the love of the world that tempts our Nafs to indulge in sins.
Losses are destined for our tests and purification from past sins. They can become a source of reward, if we bear with patience, forgive the accused, and pray for a better compensation from Allah (swt). They also teach us to be more careful in life.
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Halal Income
Spouses do not seem to care about where the money comes from. Allama Iqbal’s mother kept a separate goat to milk and feed him, as she was unsure of the source of her husband’s earnings. Her concern for Halal raised such a phenomenal thinker in the world, whose caliber is matchless. Allah (swt) rewarded a mother for her sacrifices.
Today every man’s number one stress is to provide for his family’s needs. A spouse who practices Zuhd (abstinence from unnecessary worldly competition) adjusts according to the decent earning and also trains family to do so can be a remarkable support.
“O, you who believe! Ward off yourselves and our families against a fire (hell) whose fuel is men and stones …” (At-Tahrim 66:6)
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