There is a crisis in the Muslim community when it comes to our daughters – a crisis of self-esteem.
We were already a different culture before 9/11 – a very different tradition than regular western society. We are different in many ways, especially in the way we dress and in the commitment we have to modesty. Now it is almost twenty years after 9/11; however, the hatred, the animosity and the spiteful language that comes out of the people’s mouth against Islam has increased tenfold or hundredfold, What was already difficult to follow has now become something hateful… and our daughters are in the middle of that! It does not matter if they go to public schools or even Islamic schools. When they go to college in hijab, they see girls there without one and a thought runs in the mind of those young Muslim girls: “Why can’t I dress like that? Anything fun is Haram… she looks so pretty – why can’t I look pretty like that?”
All this crosses her mind. She is afraid to say it but it crosses her mind. She is depressed, because she feels that she looks ugly because of her Hijab. “People make fun of me… why are we such a backward society? I don’t even know why I have to wear it…”
This is a serious problem, because it is a trend setting from inside. Even if it is not from outside, especially from inside it is a big problem, as the heart is not submitting to Allah (swt). This happens only when we do not give our sons, and especially our daughters, enough self-esteem.
Where does self-esteem come from? The problem of following the trends in the society is a big one, but the biggest component of that is saving our children from being swept away with the floods. Fathers especially have to spent time with their daughters – they have to encourage their daughters. Fathers have to appreciate their daughters and have to tell their daughters that they look beautiful, so they don’t have to look for this acknowledgement from some random person on Facebook. They don’t have to do that, because their fathers are telling them that. The self-confidence that a girl gets from her dad is irreplaceable! Even her mother cannot give that to her!
Those of you who have daughters make a special effort to have a meaningful conversation with them. Girls talk a lot – they never run things out of say! Listen to them. If you are ignoring them now, they will ignore you when they get older. It does not matter what they are talking about: their hair clips, friends at school, or the projects they are colouring. Talk to them, communicate with them – they need that from you! You have to play that role of a father! We cannot allow our children to be swept away in the western culture.
This is my advice that if we don’t spend time with our daughters, we are cheating them from proper raising! As I have talked about daughters, I will also say one thing about sons – spend time with your sons: play sports with them. Most of the dads are so out of the shape that when they come home and pick up the kids for two minutes, they get out of breath and pass out on the couch… Get in shape for your kids, if not for yourself!
You, fathers, need to be better friends for them than anyone else. By Allah, this society offers a lot of evil friends, and before they can make those kind of friends, they need to find their best friend in you.
It is not the way we did things back home where you were not friends with your dad – your dad came home, and you immediately sat straight; your dad spoke, and you stood up and responded. There was a relationship of respect – the distant relationship. You didn’t chill with your dad back home. Here, you have to do that – we have to become those people, because if we don’t, then again the flood will come and just take the kids away. I pray that we are not the people who are the followers of evil trends. I pray we are the kind of people who follow the trend of Ibrahim (as) – the way of Ibrahim (as), who did not follow anybody else! Everybody was worshipping idols, but Ibrahim (as) broke them. That is the trend to follow; that is the people we need to become.
“Then We have inspired you (O Muhammad (sa) saying): “Follow the religion of Ibrahim (Abraham) Hanifa (Islamic monotheism – to worship none but Allah) and he was not of the Mushrikun (polytheists, idolaters, disbelievers, etc.).” (An-Nahl 16:123)
May Allah (swt) protect our children from falling into the tide of cultural pressure, Ameen.
Transcribed by Faiza Rizwan
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