Were you a naughty child in your childhood?
Yes, I was, but my naughtiness did not have an evil aspect – it was not destructive in nature. Whenever we had a teacher, I wanted to kill time, as I didn’t want the teacher to teach us – so other students asked me to distract him. I was very playful and liked laughter – it wasn’t about showing any disrespect towards the teacher. I think today that naughty innocence has gone away. We have made childhood so serious and all about achievement
How would you rate yourself as a student?
As a student, I began taking my life seriously only very late in my scholastic life. I was inspired by my teacher Ismail Katrata, who was also my mentor. He made me believe in myself. I was always very playful, unlike my cousins, who were very hardworking. I always say that a teacher should not be a ‘sage on the stage’ but rather a ‘guide on the side’ – my teacher took me to the side without humiliating me, he sat with me and said: “Edris, believe in yourself! You have the ability, and I am here to support you!” When my teacher boosted my self-confidence, it became the tipping point for me, Alhumdullilah. When I realized that I have the ability, I understood that I just needed to be more focused and took my studies very seriously.
I was a non-reader back in my childhood. Today, however, I love reading and have about 3,500 books in my home library. When anyone asks me what is the biggest issue impacting the Ummah, I reply that today we have forfeited the first Ayah “Iqra!” (“Read!”). If we do not read, we are unable to articulate and defend our faith. We are unable to engage with people – we become almost like prisoners of our own thoughts. We cannot even put a sentence together, without it being flawed grammatically. We need to encourage and rekindle the passion for reading.
Did you always want to become an educationist and a counselor?
No. I was studying at the university to become a lawyer and in the mid exam, I had an accident. It was quite a dramatic experience that really affected my studies. I chose to go back to my hometown. My father told me: “Son, you must open a shop, as your heart is too soft.” My friends, who were teachers, said to me: “Edris, there is a vacancy in the school for the post of an English teacher.” When I joined the school, I could not believe the power a teacher has over the minds of students!
I began my own studies as well – I did my BA in English, and my first part of English Honours. I adjusted to the environment of school and realized that I was able to connect with people, make them laugh and cry, give them hope and help them understand the purpose of life.
From the earliest beginnings, my colleagues told me: “Edris, you can write books on teaching and you must become a counsellor.” As a teacher in a classroom, I was concerned not only about the mind of the student but about the whole being, because every child comes to school with three things: IQ, a baggage of values and attitude.
Sadly, our school focuses only on the IQ and academic success, which often has little to do with the real success in life. I found I was able to connect with people – they came to me for advice and I listened to them with empathy.
It is said: “You should lead your life in such a way that when you were born, you cried but people around you were smiling; however, when you would die, you would smile but people around you would be crying.” They say empires are built in the hearts of people – it is called connecting with those hearts.
You studied alchemy, which is all about signs from Allah (swt). Do you think all these were signs?
Yes, it was definitely for me, and in South Africa they called me ‘the love doctor’ (the doctor of love). When I talk to people, I see that the Ummah is bleeding socially, economically and politically. Our homes are becoming dysfunctional, as about. 80% of them now are sad places – we are connected only biologically, not emotionally or spiritually. Often, the relationship of husband and wife is one of the marital discord, and children are having ongoing fight. I would like to see far more families united in their vision and mission. I would like to see far more empathy. I would like to see strong family goals and routines.
Who was your mentor back then? Who do you look up to now?
I have had many mentors with my father and my mother being the primary ones. I had mentors among teachers as well, especially Ismail Katrada. I also had many good friends that gave me honest feedback – believers are like mirrors for each other. Likewise, my travel led me to educational experiences, as I met scholars from different backgrounds, which look me away from my narrow theoretical work. I became a global man, enriching myself by following the approaches of different scholars. I have learnt a lot from Yousuf Islam in terms of being a professional, committing myself and being a person of integrity. Many people have also contributed to my growth not consciously but by the fact that they allowed me to become a part of their work.
How did you tie the knot? Was it arranged by your family?
I had a non-Muslim friend, who worked in a pharmacy. He told me: “Edris, there is a nice girl at the pharmacy. Her name is Rukhsana.” So I went to the pharmacy and saw her. My wife is complete opposite of me – she is a complete introvert and I am an extreme extrovert. I am free-spirited but something said to me in my heart that she was the one for me.
I went home and said to my dad that there was a girl, whom I would like to marry. He asked me, if she knows about it. And I said she didn’t know. I said I was asking him first. My father then asked if I knew her family. What a powerful question! I said that I was marrying her, to what my father replied: “No, son, you are marrying the whole family.” So in a sense it was arranged, but not arranged at the same time – it was my choice supported by my mom and dad.
People often ask me: what do women want? Women want individual love. What do men want? Men want respect. If we understand it, it makes a huge difference.
How do you manage your schedule and your family time?
Alhamdulillah, my blessing is that my mother-in-law stays with us. She is 91 years old but she works, as if she is 19! May Allah (swt) bless her. My wife has a wonderful relation with her – they are very close.
When I go for longer trips, which are not hectic, she joins me. We also try to balance the life, so that she would not be away from her mother all the time. I have some regular community engagements. I do several radio station programmes in a week. I do a national radio programme and I also have my own television programme weekly. I spend a lot of my time counselling free of charge. Through all this, my wife does not nag me.
We have been married for thirty years, Alhamdulillah. I believe that in a marriage, the first three years are the most fundamental, as this is the time you get to know each other. If you are prepared to go through these three years, it makes a big difference.
My home is my office – so I am there much of the time. When I need to counsel, I go somewhere else – I don’t do it at home. I used to share my issues with my wife, as she is very supportive. She never asks me to whom I go or for what reason. Couples are garments for each other.
What three qualities made you into the noteworthy gentleman that you are today?
I think the first would be my empathy, the second would be the fact that I am solution driven, and the third would be the quality that I am consciously aware to leave a legacy – something tangible that would remain in the hearts of people.
What do you feel are the strengths and weaknesses of the Muslim youth today?
I think their strength is that they are very creative. They are receptive, when you talk less and allow them to express their opinions. They have opinions about every subject. They are malleable. If you look at their weaknesses, then I think they lack leadership. They often follow blindly, without being given the guidance they ought to get from their own parents. Some of them live in the world of instant gratification and are very individualistic: me, myself and I.
Today, the social media has really intruded into their lives. In social media, the virtual friends are more important than the real ones.
Why being an educationist is important to you?
Our Nabi (sa) came as a teacher. As an educationist, you find that you are able to create a profound impact on the psyche, the attitude and the values of children. You are in a position to give hope to children. You are in a position to open the minds and to liberate them. You are in a position to transform their lives, to make them into better human beings, better family members and better community members. You have an opportunity to unleash the potential of children. So leave a legacy behind as an educationist – try to be as a dynamic educationist, oblige yourself to grow and become a better human being. It’s always about self-improvement.
Have you noticed any change in the quality of students in the past ten years?
Yes, I have – there are many changes. Remember, children are the products of the home environment. They do not have the sitting power and self-discipline to read – they do not read any more.
What do Muslims need to do individually and collectively for rising globally?
Firstly, they need to self-reflect. They need to know where they stand and where they need to go. They need to look at the eloquent example of Nabi (sa), the Sahabah and the people around them.
They also need to be acutely aware of their own morality and strive for excellence. Our Nabi (sa) came as a mercy to mankind, so we must not live inside doors or be insular – we are here to serve the whole humanity.
I think we need to begin regaining the passion for the Quran. We need to open our minds, develop our public speaking skills and be creative and as a collective force. I think a real concern today is lack of tolerance for a different point of view – we are not prepared to accept criticism. We do not know how to disagree agreeably. Due to own egos, we have forgotten our collective responsibilities. This should change and we should focus on the collective instead of our egos.
Interview by Yusuf Kamran
Transcribed by Faiza Rizwan
Hiba is highly grateful to Mr. Edris Khamisa for this candid heart-to-heart.
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