A battered husband returned home from work. His wife inquired in a surprised tone: “How come you’re home early?” The husband retorted: “My boss told me to go to hell. So here I am.” Jokes aside, this is the reality in some families.
Allah mentions: “It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam) and (then) He has created from him his wife (Hawwa), in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her.” (Al-Araf 7:189)
After the creation of this world, marriage was the foremost relationship that Allah (swt) established to grant tranquility to the believers, as naturally, a partner seemed very much needed to fulfill one’s mission on the Earth and proceed to Paradise later.
This very relationship has come under Satan’s attack as priority number one. He wins when he is able to keep a person away from it, enticing him or her towards celibacy. His next tactic is to delay marriage by planting ideas regarding pursuit of higher education or careers, fear of additional financial burden and responsibilities, end of a person’s freedom of choice, or the unavailability of an ideal suitor. Meanwhile, it is fine to stay single and flirt with classmates or colleagues, date some of them, watch pornography, or indulge into Zina (adultery).
History offers us ample examples of all kinds of marriages. Some were blissful like that of the Prophet (sa) and Khadijah (rtaf). Some were painful like that of Asiyah and Firawn. Furthermore, we note the financially-strained circumstances in Ali’s marriage (rtam) to Fatimah (rtaf). But it is noteworthy that none of them quit and walked out of their marriage. Could it be their reliance on Allah (swt) and submission to His decree?
Khadijah (rtaf) was a wealthy businesswoman, who tied the knot with our beloved Prophet (sa). As a serving wife and true believer, she faced the trials brought forth during his initial years of prophethood. Even when she had to consume dried leaves during the economic boycott, she never blamed her husband for the hardships she had to endure. And eventually she died.
Asiyah has a noble mention in the Prophet’s (sa) Hadeeth: “The best women of the women of Paradise are Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, Fatimah bint Muhammad, Maryam bint Imran and Asiyah bint Muzahim.” (Ahmad) It is commonly known that Firawn tortured his wife on account of her Islam. Before she perished, she pleaded to Allah (swt): “Oh Lord! Build for me a home with You in Paradise.” (At-Tahrim 66:11) She was already dwelling in a palace, but invoked for an abode that would bring her closer to her Lord in eternity.
Fatimah (rtaf) – who was orphaned at a young age and witnessed her father being socially outcast – married at the age of fifteen. Her married life was strained due to poverty, hunger, and physical bearings. Yet, she bore children and raised them well with her pious husband. There were scholars like Aisha (rtaf) and warriors like Nusaibah (rtaf) in her times, too. But Fatimah (rtaf) was, as we might put it today, a true, distinguished homemaker.
Allah (swt) states in the Holy Quran: “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.” (Ar-Rum 30:21) But this love, respect, harmony, peace, and tranquility can only be experienced if both the husband and wife fear and obey Allah (swt) and give all due rights to their spouse.
Marriages today are missing this very objective. The relationship begins with ‘I’ and ends with the same. Divorces in the very first year of marriage are appalling. Naturally, there are exceptions that include abusive relationships or coerced marriages. However, if conventional marriages are to survive, grow, and nurture, a spouse will have to sacrifice base desires, control ego, lift self-esteem, and nurture spiritually.
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