Dr. Bilal Philips stated: “One of the beautiful ways we worship Allah (swt) is through marriage.”
The beloved Prophet (sa) stated Nikah as his Sunnah. He also gave glad tidings to the believers for having completed half of their faith by entering the realms of Nikah and staying therein. He advised Nikah to be the solution for such sins as adultery and probably also for such growing diseases as pornography.
Globally for the longest time, Islam has been the only religion that has stood fortified by its well cemented marital relationships, providing the best nurturing to the upcoming generations and safety to the spiritual and worldly needs of families as well as building strong communities.
However, just in about a past decade or so, we have begun to face the dark reality of visible cracks and vital transformation in the very fabric of marriage. It is not happening just to the Muslims living in non-Muslim societies – the devastation has struck Muslims in their own homes, where Islam is supposedly the state religion. Why today has the institution of marriage in the Ummah been taken by storm?
Almost half of the marriages taking place in non-Muslim countries are ending up in divorces. The figures are equally alarming in Pakistan, where majority of the relationships are ending in the form of Khula, as women initiate termination of the marriage. This has little to do with the income and educational background of the individuals.
Similarly, Pakistan is shamefully cited as one of the top viewing countries of pornography. And our Prophet (sa) stated that “Haya (modesty) and Iman (faith) are two that go together. If one is lifted, the other is also lifted.” (Al-Hakim) Isn’t this then an indicator for the health of Iman in our society? But divorce is not the solution always, as some freedom seekers believe. They will only further illicit relationships and increase dissatisfaction. It’s a never ending vicious circle.
After two decades of marital bliss, I have come to believe that marriage is by far the most beautiful Naimat (blessing) of Allah (swt) – to be able to live with a partner and share your life with him/her is indeed a heavenly experience in this world. Having said that, it does not mean that marriages are trouble-free or filled with happy moments 24/7. Even if we had to live in our own parent’s homes as young, free and single people or with our best buddies whom we cherish, there would have been fights, dejections, and loss of control and temper. Conflict is in human nature. However, our growth is determined by how we choose to resolve those conflicts.
If there is one advice that I would like to dish out to all the youngsters, then it would be as follows: find your happiness with Allah (swt) and do not seek it in your spouse, marriage, in-laws or children. All these people are imperfect beings who will make mistakes, break hearts and maybe never even apologize.
When a Momin (a Muslim with Iman in Allah (swt)) feels rejected, oppressed and let down, Allah (swt) lifts him back to his feet, provided he seeks His guidance, trust and love. Being Allah (swt) centred means to live every moment by the will of Allah (swt). Be His slave. Resolve issues with mercy, forgiveness and patience. Approach people of higher faith and experience for counsel. Stand your grounds and do not quit before Shaitan.
No matter how mentally compatible a couple is, how financially sound they are, and how blissfully independent they feel, Shaitan will unwaveringly sow seeds of discord and disbelief. It is in these moments that married couples should take a pause, find refuge with Allah (swt), and think of all the good that life still offers them. Posting on the social media or seeking advice from inexperienced friends or ill-informed relatives are not good options.
Please do not treat marriages like a pizza. No one ever had a customized one. Marry the right person for the right reasons. Do not look for fringe benefits all the time. Be the one who will give all the way for Allah’s (swt) sake. And ask Him to customize it for you, as every person’s heart lies between Allah’s (swt) fingers. He can turn it any way. Only Allah (swt) can customize it for you. Trust Him and wait patiently! How do we observe patience? In the same manner we fast and are certain that the Adhan of Maghrib will eventually be called.