Our family life can suffer at times due to busy work schedules and long office shifts. Many of us end up working over fifty hours a week, leaving us with little time for other activities. It’s also true that some people, while pursuing their career ambitions, do not prioritize spending quality time with their family. Moreover, it is increasingly being argued today that the whole idea of work-life balance is misleading or impossible to achieve. Just because something requires extra effort, however, does not mean it should be dismissed altogether. We should all be in a position to spend sufficient time with our families and simultaneously stay loyal to our work.
While spending each day ideally may not be achievable, we must strive to balance our work, family, and other needs over a longer period, say, a week or two, to keep our priorities in check. “You can’t do it all in one day. We need to elongate the time frame upon which we judge the balance in our life,” says Nigel Marsh, author of “Fit, Fifty and Fired-Up”. Building a career is, no doubt, very important, but it is equally vital to have adequate time for yourself and your loved ones. Here are some tips for spending quality time with your family, keeping in view the demanding nature of work these days, and drawing on the guidance of our Prophet (sa).
Wake up Early
It is a fine habit to rise with the sun and sleep early at night. Beginning the day early is not only good for our bodies but also has a profound effect on our productivity. The Prophet (sa) prayed: “O Allah, bless my people in their early mornings.” (Abu Dawud) Early mornings provide the opportunity for the entire family to recite and understand the Quran or engage in Dhikr. You can also establish a family workout routine before breakfast each morning, helping all family members bond together, stay fit, and start the day on a positive note.
Make the Most of Your Evenings
It is easy to be grumpy when you return home after a long day’s work, browsing away on your phone and preferring not to be bothered. Yet, you can make a lot out of the few hours you have at home between work and sleep. The Prophet (sa) said: “There are two blessings which many people squander: good health and free time.” (Ibn Majah) Use these blessings to good effect while you have them. Something as simple as making pleasant conversation with your wife and asking about her day is definitely worthwhile. Ask your children about their school, and teach them values without sounding overly instructive.
Avoid Excessive Use of Social Media
Social media allows us to stay in touch with our friends and learn what is happening around us. Yet, we typically end up wasting hours on various social media platforms, practically doing nothing. That time could better be spent in meaningful conversations with those around us. Family members sitting together, but each one focused on his or her phone, is a sad reality in today’s world. There is also the pitfall of social comparison – watching glamorous highlights from other people’s lives on the internet can make us feel inferior about our own. Hence, it is best to limit your time on social media to a reasonable timeframe, such as thirty minutes per day.
Spend Your Weekends Wisely
Even if you socialize a lot, make sure there is ample time to do the “family stuff” on weekends. Engage your wife and children in healthy outdoor activities, visit interesting sites, and have a family meal out once in a while. It is also important to make sure your time at home is not spent isolated in your room. Play games with your children and help them with their homework. Perform tasks around the house and help your wife with the chores. Remember, this was the practice of the Prophet (sa) who, in the words of Aisha (rtaf), would “serve his family” while at home (Bukhari).
Grow Together Spiritually
The husband and wife can drift apart if one of them grows spiritually but the other stays aloof. Hence, take care to involve your wife in your spiritual pursuits. Share your knowledge of the Deen with your wife, and feel no hesitation in acquiring the same from her. The husband and wife must encourage, rather than lecture, each other to perform righteous deeds. Keep voluntary fasts on the same day and pray together – the husband can lead the wife in Salah when praying at home. The Prophet (sa) said: “May Allah have mercy on a man who gets up at night and prays, and wakes his wife, and she prays; and if she refuses, he sprinkles water in her face. And may Allah have mercy on a woman who gets up at night and prays, and wakes her husband, and he prays; and if he refuses, she sprinkles water in his face.” (Ibn Majah)
There are other ways to ensure adequate time for your family. For example, if your job requires extensive travel, try to take your family along on some of your official trips. This was again the practice of the Prophet (sa), who would take one of his wives along on each of his journeys and expeditions. Remember, you may become overwhelmed by your work demands, if you do not make a conscious effort to spend quality time with your family. As Nigel Marsh puts it: “If you do not design your life, someone else will design it for you, and you may just not like their idea of balance.” Always try to plan ahead to ensure you maintain the desired balance between family and work.
Family Life in Corona Pandemic
The outbreak of the corona virus has brought hardships, anxiety, and uncertainty. On a positive side, it has enabled us to spend quality time at home, adopt a more family-oriented lifestyle, and strengthen the bond between all family members. The additional time spent at home due to the pandemic provides an opportunity for collaboration between family members. It’s a good idea to involve your spouse and children in charitable initiatives such as preparing and distributing ration bags among the needy at this time of economic fallout. Similarly, with less office work and academic burden, parents and children can engage in learning something new as a team, such as cooking an innovative meal or acquiring a digital skill like logo designing. It is also important to hold meaningful discussions with your family regarding the corona virus: put the pandemic into historical context, and discuss how it reminds us to be mindful of our behaviour and prepare for the hereafter.
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