An article in “Market Watch” claims that when wives earn more than their husbands, some men just cannot handle it. According to “Money, Work, and Marital Stability: Assessing Change in the Gendered Determinants of Divorce,” a 2016 study of more than 6,300 couples by Alexandra Killewald, professor of sociology at Harvard University, the risk of divorce is nearly 33% higher when a husband is not working full-time.
With the rise of working women around the world, there is a paradigm shift all across the globe. While the feminists chant their right to equal pay, the law slowly steals away the ground from underneath the feet of their women. And why not? They say, when she is proving to be capable of earning more than a man, she should also be able to tackle the uncertainties that comes along with it. She cannot have the cake and eat it, too.
But the question that arises for us is what does Islam has to say about it.
While Islam does not forbid women from working, it certainly leaves the lion’s share of responsibility on the husband. “Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of a people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
In simple words, the hierarchy of the family is explained. No matter what the income of the husband may be, he is the master of the house; no matter what the designation of the wife may be, her primary responsibility is the home affairs and the upbringing of children.
Is the husband supposed to help around in the house then? As per the Sunnah, yes. Is the wife allowed to monetarily contribute to the house? Only if she wants to.
The clash of the titans happens when the wife starts contributing more and in return wants to have more authority over the family decisions. Is that okay? No. Because the position of the husband is very clearly defined as the Qawwam (maintainer) of the house. His word is the final word, no matter how much the wife is earning. Yes, there should be a discussion and a dialogue between them, but the final word should be his.
The biggest example of this we see in the relationship of Prophet Mohammad (sa) and Khadijah (rtaf). As famous businesswoman of her time, when she married the Prophet (sa), she not only cared for him but also gave him the status he was deserving of as a husband. She did not challenge his position; rather, she was his biggest ally, when he brought the message of Islam. She is said to have 400 servants at the time, when the Prophet (sa) moved into her house. But she often used to go to Cave Hira herself for giving food to her husband. She had every reason to be authoritative, but she chose to be a loving and understanding wife instead. When the Prophet (sa) came trembling after his first meeting with Jibreel, she covered him, soothed him, and said the iconic words which are marked in the history of Islam.
She said to him: “This is good news from Allah (swt). I swear that Allah (swt) would never disgrace you. Do not be sad. You are someone who maintains good relations with kin and you only speak words of truth. And you help the poor and the destitute. When people have burdens, you carry their burdens as well. You entertain your guests. And you assist those who are stricken with calamities.”
When the boycott of the two tribes, Banu Hashim and Banu Muttalib, was announced, Khadjiah (rtaf) could have avoided the boycott, as she was neither from Banu Hashim nor from Banu Muttalib. She could have stayed on the outside in the comfort of her home and supported her husband from there, but she insisted on being with the Prophet (sa). A woman, who lived her entire life in beauty, wealth, and elegance, voluntarily ate grass to survive. Even the food that came in, she donated. By this time, she was in her sixties.
Such is the example that she left for working women: to be the best in what they do at work, but never neglect their primary duty of being a wife and a mother. This example of how they both led their life defies any claims of today that money can be the reason of dispute or divorce. We see that their mutual love and respect served as the foundation of a strong relationship.
They were the living representation of the Ayah: “They [your wives] are clothing for you and you are clothing for them.” (Al-Baqarah 2:187)
A huge lesson for the Muslim Ummah.
About author
