The Sahabahs were humans just like us with their fair share of arguments, problems, and trials in relationships. Consider the story of Abdullah ibn Umar (rtam) and his marital problems.
One day, Abdullah ibn Umar (rtam) had a particularly nasty argument with his wife. The argument became so severe that Abdullah ibn Umar (rtam) actually left the house, considering divorce.
As he was walking in the streets of Madinah, he pondered over his decision, weighing it in the light of the Quran and the Sunnah. Suddenly, he heard someone recite the nineteenth verse of Surah An-Nisa, and the second part of the verse struck him:
وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ فَإِن كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكْرَهُوا۟ شَيْـًۭٔا وَيَجْعَلَ ٱللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًۭا كَثِيرًۭا
“And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them- perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” (An-Nisa 4:19)
Abdullah ibn Umar (rtam) was stunned. He took it as a sign from Allah (swt) that he should hear this divine admonition, while he was contemplating divorce. The verse exhorts us to be positive and not rush towards divorce.
So Abdullah ibn Umar (rtam) returned home and made up with his wife, forgoing divorce. His wife then became pregnant and, in due course, gave birth to a young boy Salim. Salim became Abdullah ibn Umar’s (rtam) favourite son – he grew up to be a Hadeeth narrator, a great scholar of Madinah, and the greatest scholar of Abdullah ibn Umar’s (rtam) children. He carried on the legacy of his father, and every time Abdullah ibn Umar (rtam) would look at him, he would say: “Sadaq Allah, Sadaq Allah! (Allah was Truthful, Allah was Truthful!) I could have divorced his mother and I would never have had this child.”
This teaches us a very valuable lesson in our marriages – have patience, give each other space after an argument, and try to calm down using the Quran. The words of Allah (swt) help to soften our hearts and make us more forgiving. Heated arguments and bitter words can still be forgiven and forgotten, so do not rush towards divorce.
Divorce is an option that is permitted by Allah (swt) because some situations cannot be rectified. However, for most couples, it is important not to focus on the habits or traits that irritate and irk you about your spouse. Try to work beyond those incompatibilities; for the sake of Allah (swt), try to remember why you chose your spouse and what you both hope to achieve in this world and the Hereafter through your joint efforts. Focus on their positive traits and take inspiration from their redeeming habits, because only Allah (swt) knows what Khair (good) might come out of your spouse.
May Allah (swt) grant us righteous spouses, grant us righteous children like Salim, and allow us to apply this beautiful Quranic verse, Ameen.
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