What is a marriage?
An average individual in today’s society would describe it as formation of a team or collaboration- in which two people (man and woman) combine their unique abilities and skills in order to face the world together. But is this really it? Is the entire point of marriage is to form a team, or is it more than that? If this is it then why do we see so many ‘happy’ marriages going flat after some time? Does the need of a team diminish with time? Or is there something missing in today’s marriages? I’ll go with the latter. The thing missing, in my view, is the very essence of human beings- love.
Kind of odd, isn’t it? Love is considered to be the basis of a marriage, still it is missing from today’s marriages. Why?
The basis of love is on four things-
The ‘You know I care’ attitude
In an average home, husband is responsible for livelihood and wife is responsible for household. These activities are considered as acts of care and responsibility. But is this all to come under the umbrella of care and responsibility? No. These are only the extrinsic acts. The real care and responsibility is needed intrinsically. Majority of the partners today, don’t really display affection on emotional level. More stress is made on extrinsic/physical acts, rather than intrinsic/spiritual ones; and hence, true intimacy is never formed.
Direct with respect
Another attribute which couples lack is respect. It might sound odd at first, but if you analyze how one partner is dominant in almost every couple, it would sound true. If true respect is in a relationship, there’d be no concept of a sadistic or dominating relationship. The trick is to treat your partner in such a way that you consider them your equal in every respect.
Love, like you love yourself!
You might be perfect in performing the above three attributes, but you can’t love if you don’t know your partner. People claim to know all there is to know about their partners in just a month. But the reality is that this is no more than a misconception. You can’t fully understand a person even in your entire lifetime, because human beings are in a continuous process of change. The fact that there’s something new to be learned about the one you love every day is alone enough to keep interest and intimacy alive in a relationship.
Simply put- love is not a passive activity; it is an action. You can’t simply assume that love is there, just because you are partners; you have to act. Many couples spend a dry, loveless life with only an illusion of love which is never there. Caring for your loved one’s intrinsic needs, feeling responsible for them, respecting them as your equal and trying to learn something new about them every day- all contribute to creating love, affection and intimacy in a marriage. Remember, marriage is not the same as a team or a partnership; it is much more than that. Expression of love is what is missing from today’s marriages.