At the departure lounge of Karachi airport, a lady walked towards me and occupied the empty seat on my right. As she settled down, she took out a Mushaf from her handbag and began reading. Glancing at her, I realized I had missed out on my morning Adhkar, while rushing to the airport right after Fajr. I opened the Quran application on my cell phone. In my heart, I was thankful to this lady for guiding me towards a virtuous deed. Eventually, as the announcement for boarding the plane was made, my neighbour put the Mushaf back into her handbag and got up. As I watched her move towards the newly formed queue, my appreciation turned into disappointment the moment she cut the line. Here was an inspiring example of a woman reading from the scriptures, attired in a modest outfit reflecting her religious beliefs; however, as soon as it came to the matters dealing with people, basic etiquette was ignored.
We fail to realize that the religion of Islam itself is manners. Our Deen revolves around etiquette. Everything we do requires certain decorum, which is precisely what beautifies the act. The basis of all virtues is Adab. Imam Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyah said: “The Deen itself is manners. Anyone surpassing you in manners is better than you in Deen.” (Madarij as-Salikeen) Ayesha (rtaf) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said: “By his good character a believer will attain the degree of one who prays during the night and fasts during the day.” (Abu Dawood) Sheikh Abdul Hakim Murad comments: “Adab is really the beginning and the end of all religion.”
Definition
Let us first take a look into the definition of Adab (manners). Adab refers to the Islamic etiquette and entails good manners, morals, and appropriate actions. The Arabic word ‘Adab’ is derived from the root letters of alif-daal-baa. The Hans Wehr Dictionary defines Adab as “culture, refinement; good breeding, good manners, social graces, decorum, decency…humanity, humaneness”. ‘Aduba’ means “to be well-mannered, cultured, and urbane” and also “to refine, to educate; to discipline”. Adab is not just a quality – it is also a process. Meaning, it is something that can be learnt and established.
Manners of the Prophet (sa)
Allah (swt) speaks about the character and manners of His Prophet (sa): “And verily, you (O Muhammad (sa) are on an exalted standard of character.” (Qalam 68:4) Prophet Muhammad (sa) was the epitome of gentility and as such is worthy of being emulated. Abu Hurairah (rtam) narrated that the Prophet (sa) said: “The only reason I have been sent is to perfect good manners.” (Bukhari and Ahmad) Masrooq narrated that they were sitting with Abdullah bin Amr who was narrating Hadeeths to us. He told that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said: “The best among you are the best in character (having good manners).” (Bukhari) In Bukhari’s “Book of Manners”, Abu Darda reported that Prophet Muhammad (sa) said: “Nothing is weightier on the scale of deeds than one’s good manners.”
Although there is a lot of stress on the importance of Adab (manners) in the Deen, still we experience that it is the believers who are mostly lacking in their mannerism. There is so much emphasis applied to the rituals that generally the spirit behind them is lost and forgotten. Our Masajid would be full of worshippers during the Taraweeh prayers in Ramadan, but we would be reluctant to make space for someone who has arrived a little late and is looking for some place to offer his prayer.
When acting on the principle of Amr bil-Maroof wa Nahi anil-Munkar (enjoining good and forbidding evil), we lack the concern and empathy required while advising others. We preach that cleanliness is half of faith, but we throw used wrappers out of our cars windows and litter our streets. Sad but true.
Allah (swt) guided us towards Adab through His Messenger (sa) – we can observe his way of relating to the world: the manners with which he treated his companions, his family, strangers, enemies, and all the rest of Allah’s (swt) creation. We have a comprehensive structure in our Deen for various circumstances, to the extent that Salman al-Farsi reported that the disbelievers said: “Indeed, your companion teaches you everything, even how to defecate!” Salman said: “It is so.” (Muslim)
Manners towards the Quran
Surah Al-Hujurat consists of timeless ethics that guide us to maintaining a healthy society. When the Quran was revealed, the people of Arabia were at the lowest of their low. Yet, they were transformed to the highest of the high, when they began following the guidance of the Quran. The main reason for the decline that our Ummah witnesses is the neglect of the Quran. In the Quran, we read: “And the Messenger (Muhammad (sa)) will say: ‘O my Lord! Verily, my people deserted this Quran (neither listened to it, nor acted on its laws and orders).’” (Furqan 25:30)
Have we abandoned the Quran? Not really, as the Quran is pretty much present in our lives – it exists in the form of calligraphy to decorate our homes; it is read hurriedly without contemplation during the days and nights of Ramadan or when a loved one passes away; it is draped in expensive cloth to be held over the bride as she departs to her new home… Moreover, we are so observant about our etiquette towards the Quran that we would place it on high shelf, we would not show our back to it, we would immediately pick it up and kiss it, if it would accidently fall to the ground. We have not abandoned the Quran and lost out on our manners towards it, or have we? Sadly, what we fail to realize is that this is not what the Quran was sent for. It was sent to be believed in, to be recited and understood, to be acted upon. These are the true manners we must observe towards the Quran. And this is where we have abandoned the Quran
Teaching and Learning Manners
Unfortunately, the dilemma of this time and age is that both young and old have lost out on Adab. The younger generation is not to be blamed as much as their elders, because we cannot expect them to learn good manners without seeing any. Parents and teachers impart this kind of knowledge not through books or lectures but rather through their personal example, as the child will automatically do what he sees.
Amr bin Said said: “A parent never gifted anything to their child greater than good Adab (knowledge on morals and etiquettes).” The righteous scholar Ruwaym told his son: “Oh, my son, make your deeds salt and your manners flour.” Ulema laid great stress upon the importance of Adab, to the extent that Al-Walid ibn Numayr quoted his father saying: “They used to say: ‘Righteousness is (a gift) from Allah (swt), but Adab (right conduct) is from the parents.’” It has been narrated that Imam Ahmad would have as many as 5000 pupils at his gatherings, out of which approximately 500 would take down notes; the rest (4500) would simply learn from his actions, his Adab. Ibn al-Mubarak said: “I studied Adab for thirty years, and I studied knowledge for twenty years.”
Adab and Ilm
Imam Shafi used to study under his teacher Imam Malik. Once, when he went home, his mother asked him what he had learnt. Imam Shafi said: “Ilm and Adab.” She responded: “Go back, as you haven’t learned anything.” So he returned to Imam Malik and told him what his mother had said. Imam Malik instructed him to go back to his mother and tell her that “I have learnt Adab and Ilm.” Imam Shafi did so and as a result his mother was satisfied. This tells us that Adab precedes Ilm. A person may have a world of knowledge, but if there is no Adab, then he is like a donkey laden with books.
Imam Zakariya al-Anbari once said: “Knowledge without Adab is like fire without wood, and Adab without knowledge is like a spirit without a body.” It is thus evident that to build a balanced personality, one needs a combination of Adab and Ilm, because Ilm on its own is insufficient.
I can still recall the time, when my family had just returned to Pakistan after a three-year stay abroad, and my kids got enrolled back in the school they were previously studying in. One fine day, they returned from school complaining that the students in their class made fun of them for raising their hand and then standing up to reply to a question that the teacher had asked the class. They were mocked at for being courteous and respectful towards their teacher. Highly disappointing. Have we forgotten to teach our next generation that if one wishes to have the doors of knowledge open up, he must observe Adab for learning and being in the presence of elders? Prophet Muhammad (sa) said: “He who does not show mercy to the young and esteem for our elders is not one of us.” (Abu Dawood, At-Tirmidhi and Al-Hakim)
Manners towards Allah (swt) and the Prophet (sa)
Imam Bukhari was well aware of the importance of Adab in our daily matters therefore he separately compiled “Al-Adab Al-Mufrad” – a book of Hadeeths addressing the issue of perfecting the manners of a believer. When we talk about manners, we must begin with our Adab with Allah (swt). One must first know his Rabb, in order to observe appropriate etiquette towards Him. Being acquainted with His names and attributes and having consciousness of His presence lead to humbling oneself towards the Creator and having the required Adab towards the Lord of the worlds.
The first and foremost is to worship Allah (swt) without associating any partners with Him and to be sincere to Him in our thoughts and actions. We must respect Allah (swt) and His creations. Subsequently, we must qualify our Adab with the Prophet (sa). He should be held in esteem and loved more than our own selves and our families. Love of the Prophet (sa) demands that we emulate him in our everyday matters by following his Sunnah.
Then there are manners which should be observed when the Quran is recited, Hadeeth are read or Adhaan called. Allah (swt) says: “So, when the Quran is recited, listen to it, and be silent that you may receive mercy.” (Al-Araf 7:204)
In a similar manner, when listening to a Hadeeth, one must concentrate on what is being said. No one would talk when Imam Malik would be quoting a Hadeeth. When Imam Malik was once walking with a man, the man asked him about a Hadeeth, and Imam Malik said: “I used to have a higher opinion of you, never thought you would ask of a Hadeeth, while we were walking.” Such should be the Adab for the words and actions of our Prophet (sa).
It is known that when the Adhan was being called, the Prophet (sa) would leave anything that he may be engaged in and proceed towards Salah. Adhan is like Allah (swt) calling you. Imagine, what it would be like if your father is calling you, and you are just sitting there ignoring his call by continuing to watch the television. A dutiful son would rather run to his father when he calls him.
Adab in Daily Life
Islam not only provides us with a code of conduct in religious matters but also for issues related to our everyday life. We have the Adab of sleeping and waking up; while eating and drinking; when visiting the sick or at the time of offering condolences; in joy and in sorrow; with elders and youngsters; when in a gathering and at the time one speaks; even related to the washroom and engaging in intimate relations – to the extent that nothing is left out without mentioning the etiquettes pertaining to it.
A true believer is defined by his relationship with his Creator and his dealings with the creation. This attitude is of paramount importance especially in today’s world when people are judging Islam by observing the Muslims. It was recorded by Abu Dawood that the Prophet (sa) said: “I guarantee a house on the outskirts of Paradise for one who leaves arguments, even if he is right, and a house in the middle of Paradise for one who abandons lies, even when joking, and a house in the highest part of Paradise for one who makes his character excellent.”
If we need to check on our manners, we must see how we deal with those who lack them. Moreover, we should ask Allah (swt) to assist us in observing good manners in all spheres of life. The Prophet (sa) would supplicate: “O Allah! I ask You for good health, for trust, for self-control, for good manners, and to be satisfied with the divine decree.” (Bukhari)
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