Abu Hurairah (rtam) narrated that Allah’s Messenger (sa) said: “The most complete believers in faith are those with the best character among them. And the best of you are those who are best to your women.” (Tirmidhi)
Does it matter how much you earn, what car you own, or how big your house is, if you aren’t able to be the best friend or a source of security and comfort for your wife? She should feel protected, happy, and at ease in your company.
Here are five tips for improving your relationship with your spouse:
Respect is the most important aspect of a relationship, especially when it comes to marriage. In fact, most marriage issues are somehow related to the element of respect. You have to respect your wife as an individual. Respect her likes, dislikes, moods, interests, and personality. Give her space, and don’t criticize every little thing she does. Realize that she is a unique person who deserves respect for who she is.
- Don’t take her efforts for granted
You wife isn’t obligated to wash the clothes, do the dishes, make delicious food, clean the house, or do your chores. She does it because she chooses to. Appreciate the fact that she takes care of your home and does household chores willingly. Try to help her out – after all, it is your home too, isn’t it? Do the dishes tonight.
Aisha (rtaf), when asked about the manners of the Prophet (sa) in his home, replied: “He helped in doing the family duties, and when he heard the call to prayer, he went out.” In another narration, she said: “He washes his clothes, milks his ewe, and serves himself.” Aisha (rtaf) also said: “He sows his clothes, cleans his shoes, and does what men generally do in their homes.” (Al-Jami As-Sahih, pp. 5363, 4996 & 4937)
- Listen, study, learn
She doesn’t always need your smartness and advice. She may just need a listener to ease her burden. Don’t pretend to listen; listen to her sincerely. Understand what she is going through. It’s a good opportunity to study her. After all, if you want to become really good at something, you have to study and learn first, don’t you?
The Prophet (sa) told Aisha (rtaf): “I know well when you are pleased or angry with me.” Aisha (rtaf) replied: “How do you know that?” He said: “When you are pleased with me, you swear by saying: ‘By the God of Muhammad’, but when you are angry, you swear by saying: ‘By the God of Ibrahim’.” (Al-Musnad As-Sahih, p. 2439)
- Time is money honey
The more quality time you will spend with your wife, the fewer problems you will face. Many problems arise due to communication gaps, which develop when men are too busy in their careers. Give her the time she needs. Clear your head, switch off your phone/computer, and have a good chat with your wife. Take her out and enjoy your time with her.
- Make her feel special
Often, small, sincere acts of kindness nourish relationships in amazing ways. Don’t underestimate the power of small acts. Make her a cup of coffee, serve her breakfast, bring her flowers, call her during lunch breaks – the opportunities are endless.
May Allah (swt) grant you a blessed married life, Ameen.