Ever wondered why the Prophet’s (sa) companions were granted the title of ‘the Sahabah’? The word ‘Sahabah’ is derived from ‘Suhbat’ (companionship). It denotes a batch of fortunate people who spent their short or long lives or time with the Prophet (sa), while he was alive. They played different roles in the Prophet’s (sa) life, such as his servant Anas bin Malik (rtam), his close friend Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (rtam), his scribe Zaid bin Thabit (rtam) and countless more notable Sahabah with extraordinary Iman (faith) and Amal (actions).
One may ask: why did they not earn the title of a Mufti, Mufakkir, Muhaddith, Hafidh, or Alim? Why did they come to be known as the Sahabah? How much of the Quran did every Sahabi listen to, while it was being revealed during the twenty-three years of the noble Prophet’s (sa) life? Consider that some companions accepted Islam much later in life, while others were martyred early on in the battlefields. Some had to pursue trade, while others were leading military expeditions and so on.
However, their relationship with the Prophet (sa) was of such a high spiritual and emotional stature that whatever they learnt from the Prophet (sa) was etched in their minds and carved into their hearts. Such relationships are a very critical need of today, when we find parents, teachers and elders terribly frustrated and at loggerheads with the youth. On the other hand, the youth is falling for substance abuse, committing suicide, abandoning their faith and forsaking their families.
The much-acclaimed author Steven Covey has rightly stated that relationships are like bamboo trees. The first five years of the growth of its fibrous roots is beneath the ground. Nothing grows above the soil. And later the bamboo shoots up at a phenomenal pace, defying gravity with each passing day. Likewise is the investment that parents make in themselves to improve the lives of others, namely their offspring.
But today Tarbiyah is outsourced. Parents are constantly seeking others to educate their children. They forget that family values are unique because they differ from one family to another. These customized values can only be imparted by parents to their kids personally at an early age. Instead of building lasting characters, parents occupy themselves with arranging their academic and extra-curricular development only. The result is either kids who have too much time to spare and waste, or kids who are living a roller coaster life, moving from one task to another.
The fancy restaurants you take them to, the branded gadgets you buy them, the parties you throw for them, and the exotic foreign trips you arrange is not considered Tarbiyah. Tarbiyah is when you sit with them at the dining table, lovingly serve them home cooked food and share with each other how your day has been. When you send them off to any place with a kiss, a hug and a Dua for protection that they hear you recite over them. When they win, you smile and thank Allah (swt) and ask them to do the same. If they lose, you hold their hand, hug them silently and tell them how much you love them and believe in them, acknowledging their disappointment and sadness.
Instead, the only communication these children have with their parents is based either on instructions (what to do and achieve next) or on interrogations (how did they perform so far). There is no consideration of their feelings, fears and frustrations. They are never taught to solve life problems.
How many mothers ask their daughters to spend time with them to teach them some of their skills? How many fathers take their kids to their workplaces to show what they do or to the market to show what the real world is like and how we can prosper in it? And this should be done from an early age – you do not wait for kids to become adults and reject your ideas, because they do not value you or your sentiments.
Relationships are formed only on the basis of genuine love, unconditional respect, open communication and most importantly – patience. Duas are the constant weapon along with an action plan. Tarbiyah is impossible without a relationship.
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