In order to get to Jannah, you have to make sure you are the best to your spouse. Do not shout at your spouse’s for mistakes they make. A Hadeeth says: “The best from amongst you are those who are best to their wives.” (Ibn Majah) Subhan’Allah! You have to be the best to your family members, best to your spouse, best to your husband – but how do you treat them?
Sometimes, the wife burns the food, which may be a test from Allah (swt) for you. Allah (swt) is watching, and, to be honest with you, the angels are writing what your reaction would be. That is all that’s happening, nothing else! She might never burn it again and we get up and yell: “Do you know how much money is wasted here? You know this food is rubbish; it’s rotten; it’s bad; it’s filthy; throw it out!”
Is that the attitude to have? Well, why did you get married? That is someone’s daughter – how are you speaking to her? Have a bit of shame. Your children are watching. It is one thing if you yourself are committing a crime, but think about it – you are teaching your children how to commit a crime that they will commit in a bigger way. For this reason, I encourage people to look at the parents of their future spouses. If their parents are living with beauty, respect, and honour, it would mean that the prospective spouse has learned beauty, respect and honor. But if their parents are fighting like cats and dogs, swearing at each other, and there is a relationship that is totally absurd, then it does not mean that the child is bad, but the child may have qualities like them, especially if it is a male. May Allah (swt) grant us the ability to mend our habits in such a way that they do not seep through to the next generation.
Marriage is not only a blessed knot; it is to be tied for the sake of Allah (swt). This is why when tying the knot in Islam, you will find very clearly that Allah (swt) has made it easy and has asked us to say a few good words at the time of Nikah, which is the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (sa). Every time there was a Nikah, we find that Prophet Muhammad (sa) used to say a few good words of advice to those who were not married. He would say: “O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry.” (Muslim) This is his advice.
It happened with me once: there was a youngster so extremely excited, and I am busy telling myself, “Son, I hope one year down the line you will be as excited as you are today.” Today we cry; we make Dua that Allah (swt) grant goodness and make this bond solid with a “triple X” glue. Do you know why they call it triple X? If I were to tell you this video is triple X, what would it mean? I think everyone knows this – it means it is no-go area. You will hurt yourself; you will harm yourself. Don’t watch it; leave it. This is something X-rated! Imagine the glue is not X-rated; it is triple X-rated; they call it triple X glue. When you tie the knot, it should be with triple X glue, which means there is no Haram there besides very, very little. And that too, you will have to learn.
This is your woman; you are intimate with her. This is your man, your husband; you are intimate with this person. You can talk to them; you can undress yourself in their presence. Whatever you like, within the limits of Allah (swt), you can get it done. There is nothing X-rated there because it is your spouse. What a blessed knot. Allah (swt) tells you: yes, We know you have needs; we know you have desires. We know you have a lot in you that is instilled there by Allah (swt). We will show you a dignified and respectable manner of fulfillment for this.
Believe me – it is give and take, not just take and take. People think: my wife should do as I say. No! Sometimes you should do, as she says as well. If you are wrong, and she is right, then she has the right to correct you; in fact, it is her duty to correct you. You are her spouse – she will earn Jannah if she corrects you and wakes you up for Salah. Don’t just think: I am your husband, so don’t you dare get me up and interrupt my sleep. She has the right to pour water on your face, my brother. May Allah (swt) help us in getting up for Salah.
Your wife has the right to say things; she is a human being. She might have a better brain than yours, admit it! She might have better ideas than yours. She might be more qualified than you in terms of religious knowledge and other things. She might know how to handle the home better than you. She might come up with better ideas – look at Khadijah bint Khuwaylid (rtaf).
Muhammad (sa) was the highest! No competition and no debate! He was perfect in every way, His character was made up of what the Quran teaches. But he used to listen to his spouse, because sometime it was a teaching, not because anything was wrong. I will give you an example. What did Khadijah bint Khuwaylid (rtaf) do at the time of revelation? When he said: “Cover me, envelope me!” – she embraced her husband and offered him support. This is why we should offer support to our spouses at the time of difficulty: husband to wife and wife to husband. You should not say: “Listen, I got nothing to do with this. I am out of here.” You offer them support. You tell them not to worry. She (Khadijah (rtaf)) says: “Allah (swt) will never let you down. Allah (swt) will never disgrace you, never embarrass you. You are such a good man. How many of us can tell about our husbands or wives that they are such good men or women? And tell it to someone else altogether. Are we able to do that? You might tell your wife: “Oh, you are so lovely,” while you are telling yourself: “It was quite hard to do that.” Be genuine. Be modest. Look at how lovely she really is! It is character; it is conduct; it is sacrifice. Khadijah bint Khuwaylid (rtaf) says: “I have an idea. Let’s go to my cousin Waraqah Ibn Naufil. Perhaps he will come up with something. Perhaps he will know.” So she thought of ideas. Muhammad (sa) did not have to listen to her but, Subhan’Allah, he went with her to see Waraqah.
What can we learn from this? We are not like Prophet Muhammad (sa); we are not prophets of Allah (swt). We are nowhere near. We are imperfect mortals. We are imperfect human beings, who make mistakes every day. But we don’t want to lend an ear to a spouse whom we ourselves have married? May Allah (swt) guide us and help us to correct ourselves. Ameen.
Transcribed for Hiba magazine by Anoshia Riaz.