- I will change my spouse
Place yourself in his or her shoes. Are you ready to give up your life long habits and choices for anyone? For example, if you love to party but you end up marrying someone who is a hermit, how will you manage? Remember, the choices we make or the habits we have inculcated are the result of our values and ethos, a manifestation of our perspective of life.
Marriage is about mental and spiritual compatibility. Try to find someone who shares your choices and belief system. Otherwise, both of you will become two passengers sitting in a plane, wanting to reach two different destinations. Such a flight is destined to crash. Do not fool yourself by thinking that you will change your spouse after marriage, especially in cases where your values are at stake.
- I will take it as it comes
It is important for spouses to grow together. Often, because of the initial attraction, the couple is unable to see far ahead. The romance bedazzles their sight. They forget to ask some very important questions such as:
- Will this person make a competent mother or father of our children?
- How will this person raise our family?
- Is this person patient enough to face rough times with me?
- Can this person make tough decisions and stay steadfast?
- How does this person handle money matters?
- Is this person stingy, generous, or careless?
If answered on time, these pertinent questions can save marriages from ending on the rocks, because when faced with decision making related to managing a household and family, they will discover unpleasant and shocking facts about each other.
- We will love each other every day
The whole idea of being soul mates can, at times, become claustrophobic in a marriage. Humans are not machines that can be programmed for a standard performance. Even the most romantic couples will admit that they want their space and want to heal and grow in solitude. That does not mean that they do not love their better halves, but love does have its ebb and flow due to many valid reasons and situations in life.
We have examples from the Prophet’s (sa) marital life, too. During the painful incident of the slander against Aisha (rtaf), there was a strained distance between the two while they awaited relief from Allah (swt). However, both stayed steadfast to their faith, in spite of their tense relationship. Finally, Allah (swt) exposed the Haqq, and they resumed their trusting and compassionate marriage.
- We complete each other
When we put our self-worth in our spouse’s hands, we end up desperate and hurt. Realistically, your spouse may get angry at you, be unhappy about something or even disappointed with you. Remember, love is not effortless. Once you have done the right thing to resolve the marital disagreement in compliance with the Quran and Sunnah, let it go. Make Dua to Allah (swt) for His divine help. Do not pester your spouse.
Allah (swt) finds you valuable. The Prophet (sa) taught his companions that our self-worth is directly tied to our relationship with Allah (swt). Rely upon Allah (swt), believe in yourself, and strive patiently.
- We are the same
Men and women were created differently by Allah (swt). “Hiba” covered the theme of “Overcoming Conflicts Between Men and Women” in one of its past issues and extensively dealt with these differences. Men and women differ biologically and psychologically. It is best to accept this reality and deal with marital situations accordingly. These differences should be learnt and used to one’s advantage to support each other.
About author
