When The Better Half Returns Home – Part 1

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Rana Rais Khan

Owner and editor-in-chief at Hiba Magazine

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better half

After having a wretched day at home or outside, the first tempting thought that comes to a fatigued wife’s mind is to dump the despair on husband dear. If she can resist calling him at work, she impatiently waits for the day to end. Her eyes stay on the clock ticking ever slowly. There opens the door and she takes a deep breath ready for the kill. As soon as she sights her husband, she swiftly moves forward and pours the entire molten lava boiling within her on top of her spouse!

The husband already looks battered after toiling through the day. If he is the silent crusader, he will listen to his wife with occasional nods not daring to stop her tirade. He will silently pray to God for her tape to run out soon so he can rest his ears and relax his mind. If conversely he is the confrontational type, he will give her a piece of his mind to shut her mouth. That will be the end of all conversations for the day. The wife will end up with a swollen face and hurt feelings. The husband will end up with a quiet and peaceful evening to himself.

One cannot help but wonder how those women on television look so pretty when their husband comes home. The house is spick and span, the children are neat and tidy, even the pet looks ecstatic and well-kept. Don’t they have worries like unaccommodating in-laws, uncontrollable children, unmanageable servants, unending house chores, unannounced guests or uncountable bills to settle? Probably not on their planet but on earth, life is certainly not trouble free. So, is there a better way to handle these small matters amicably?

Following are some tips to help you revisit your daily schedule and relieve unnecessary stress from building up. It will certainly not do your work for you but facilitate a different approach to go easy on yourself.

Tips For Lady Of The House

  • Wrap up all your house chores at least an hour prior to your husband’s usual arrival time. Remember, even if you were granted 48 hours instead of 24 in a day, there will still be something left out screaming for your attention. A simple make over can work wonders and lifts up your mood. Besides, husbands also hate to come home to a worn out wife who gives them sore eyes. Even if they don’t comment they will certainly notice the effort and feel pleased with you. Besides that you will even earn a bonus reward from Allah for dressing up for your husband, Insha’Allah!
  • Goethe wisely pointed out that ‘He is happiest, be he king or peasant who finds peace in his home.’ When your husband arrives, greet him with genuine enthusiasm. Thank Allah for your family’s safety and good health. It may be tempting to throw your heartfelt miseries point blank at your husband but hold on to them patiently. The point is, sharing your troubles now would not earn you any benefit. Firstly, he may be tired and not in the best frame of mind to offer you sympathy or solutions. Secondly, all your efforts may never be appreciated and the cause may be defeated. Present your case at the best time so it earns the attention it deserves. As Benjamin Franklin put it, ‘He that can have patience can have what he wishes.’
  • Frances Brooke observed that worries are like a horse. They keep you going but don’t get you anywhere. Put your worries on the back burner and your mind in the present time. You may allow your husband some time and space with the kids or his parents if they happen to live with you, since both are hardest to convince to wait around. Meanwhile prepare him a snack or tea if he wishes so. You can get on with preparing the dinner or take care of remaining house chores. Or you may simply join them in their fun and play or discussion.
  • Some times there are genuine urgencies that cannot wait. This may include a doctor’s habitual appointment, something the kids want for school on a short notice, grocery shopping, visiting a sick relative or some other important social commitments that do not fit into your family schedule. As long as it does not become a routine, you may request your husband to help you take care of it, even if it means sacrificing his peace and comfort at home. Once in a while he should not mind it.
  • As per routine, ask your husband how his day had been. Work these days has become a market place of stress. Many times men bring it home bottled up inside of them. As humans have an instinctual need to be heard, just listening about their challenging tasks and reassuring them towards the positive lightens their burden.
  • Once you have allowed him his breathing space, gently open your can of worms. Here what needs to be checked is your tone and choice of words. The trick to be able to persuade any man is with love and tenderness. The minute a wife tries to wear the pants in a relationship, it’s like you have stepped on a cat’s tail. Men hate it when their egos are bruised. Michelet rightly states that, ‘Women are perfectly well aware that the more they seem to obey the more they rule.’ Handle your spouse like a fragile glass. Once you have won him over, not only he will be able to see your point of view but support it too.
  • Lastly and most importantly, each night before you call it a day focus on the positive aspects of your life in comparison to others around. There are always countless examples among us who make us realize how lucky we are to have what we have got. The key word to peace and contentment is appreciation. Learn to appreciate virtues of your better half and remember them for Allah has mercifully given great set of qualities to all of us in spite of our shortcomings. Make no mistake that happiness is hardly a set of circumstances. It is more of a state of mind. If you postpone being happy on the basis of ideal circumstances, you will never find it guaranteed. So start living now. You will enjoy the present for it is the best gift you can have!

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