There is a leaky faucet in your kitchen. Your husband comes in with his toolkit and you comment: “Tsk, you are going to fix the leaky faucet?” With just one phrase, you have bruised his ego, and you did not just take a pin and prick it – you took a knife and you shoved it into his heart. Like literary, the husband will say: “So you think I cannot even take care of a leaky faucet? You don’t think I am capable of this? What do you think am I capable of then?”
I am going to be very frank here, because I speak as a man. Men have big egos – their egos, Masha’Allah, Tabarakallah. If you do anything to diminish that ego, you have hurt male pride. So you let the man foster his ego. Let him. If you think he is self-deluded, let him be self-deluded, and he will love you back in return. At the end of the day, that is what you want, isn’t it? You want to be loved and cherished and admired. Let him make the mistake.
Frankly, if your husband does take on a challenge, you will be surprised, when nine times out of ten, he will actually finish it in a decent manner. This is the factor that matters. Allah (swt) created us the way that we make mistakes again and again. It diminishes his ego and is very humiliating when you always hover over him, pinpointing his faults. The man feels he is the protector. If you will challenge him and say: “How can you protect me from a leaky faucet?” then you have basically said: “I don’t trust your judgement.” You have conveyed the message: “I don’t feel you’re qualified to take on… protecting me and taking care of the household.” The bottom line is: let him take on his challenges.
This is an excerpt, and there’s more in the magazine – buy the print issue from our online store