A Fairytale Wedding: Boon or Bane?

lavish-weddingThe tweet of a foreigner, who was invited to a Pakistani wedding, read as follows: “I can’t believe it was a Muslim wedding. Everything about it was so non-Muslim!”

I was ashamed to have been shaken to reality by a non-Muslim. His words were harsh; but they were undoubtedly a big question to re-check our Iman. And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense to me. A few days ago, when I heard that my cousin was going to get married, I immediately fussed about how I had no decent dresses to wear, and did a quick mental calculation on how many dresses I needed for her pre and post wedding events. The disappointing part is that I am not the only odd one out here, or representing just a small pack of Muslims who have lost their identity. The majority of the population tends to go to any extreme and leaves no stone unturned in hosting a ‘fairytale wedding’- just like in the Prince Charming and Cinderella story. They do this not out of sheer self-happiness, but because they want to live up to the social standards and plan a better wedding than the ones they were a part of, because people will judge them on how well they could host an event.

Checklist for a successful wedding event

The wedding is assumed to be a successful one if it has a buffet dinner, music, dance floor, photography, large halls, mix gatherings and much more. Moreover, it’s not just a one day event either. Countless pre-event sessions take place that make you lose your sanity. Mehndi, Mayun, Dholki, bridal showers, hen party, stag party, Barat and Chauthi are just a few event sessions that gear up towards the main day. And it doesn’t end over here. The series of get-together that follows is endless, too.

If we study Islam and look into the teachings of Quran and Sunnah then we’ll find numerous Ahadeeth and verses that condemn the idea of making a wedding into an extravagant affair. The Prophet (sa) said: “The most blessed Nikah is the one in which least expenses are occurred.”

Simplicity is the best policy

Our Prophet (sa) implemented this during the wedding of her daughter Fatimah (ra). When the time came for Fatimah (ra) to go to Ali’s (ra) house after the Nikah, she was sent without any clamour, hue and cry, accompanied by Umm Ayman (ra). After the Isha Salah, the Prophet (sa) went to their house, took permission and entered. He asked for a basin of water, put his blessed hands into it and sprinkled it on both Ali (ra) and Fatimah (ra), and made Dua for them. The sovereign of both worlds gave his beloved daughter a silver bracelet, two Yemeni sheets, four mattresses, one blanket, one pillow, one cup, one hand-grinding mill, one bedstead, a small water skin and a leather pitcher. In this simple fashion, the wedding of the daughter of the leader of the worlds was solemnized. In following this Sunnah, a wedding becomes very simple and easy to fulfill. And it will surely ease our burden.

Allah (swt) states in the Holy Quran,

﴾وَيَأْكُلُونَ كَمَا تَأْكُلُ الْأَنْعَامُ﴿ “They eat like animals.”

This verse was for the Kuffar. It is a pity that the Muslims are now imitating the Kuffar in their eating habits and buffet style dinner in the weddings. Whereas the true benefactor of the Ummah announced it fourteen hundred years ago that we should not eat or drink, while standing.

Behind the scene of ‘the fairytale’

Following the Islamic junctions while marrying your daughters and sons won’t only satisfy your heart, but it’ll also purify your soul from all sorts of evils; to do better than others, to show-off your social standards and to attain praises from your friends and family about how grand your function was. We should realize that turning weddings into a festival is just a waste of money that pressurizes you to take loans and heavy debts. How will Allah (swt) put Barakah in the marriage, if you’ll start your new life with enormous debts on your shoulders to be paid in the near future? Will you be able to enjoy your new life to the full with the guilt and the constant reminder of a loan that needs to be returned? And most importantly, holding a grand and crowded affair becomes more of a hassle. How? The main reason being it’s hard to satisfy people because they’ll look for faults, even when you try your best to arrange a perfect event; and hence, it leads to unwanted fights and quarrels.

Pause and ponder

The rational approach that people don’t give any significance to is: what will you gain with all the compliments that people shower on you? Is it a key to ensure happiness of the bride and the groom in the long run? Or will it in any way be a source of salvation for your married daughter and son?

We all should realize that whatever we do should benefit us the most. And in the case of weddings, simplicity tops the most wanted list. It won’t just benefit us but will certainly be a wonderful approach for both the families that get united through the Nikah.

Avoid the ‘sip and gossip’ session

Invite a few needy people and feed them, the Sunnah of Prophet (sa) will be achieved. Feed the Walima guests in your house, which will save the money of the hall booking and that money can be given to your daughter or son, who is marrying. Remember, if thousands of people will attend the wedding, they will have unending complaints. People tend to make mountains out of mole hills because they’re born to do that. They’ll gossip, no matter if the wedding is simple or grand. So stop worrying about your social position and focus on what Allah (swt) and Prophet (sa) taught us. What if, God forbid, the bride and the groom decide to part ways after their marriage? Won’t you regret your decision of emptying your savings for something that didn’t work out?

Last but not the least, the point we should ponder over is: how can people actually feel satisfied with a typical Desi wedding, which does not make Allah (swt) happy and robs all the involved of His blessings?

Dhulan, Jora, Jewellery and… Niqab

mehendiShireen Husain takes us to a wedding hall for a heart-warming experience.

The occasion was  the Valima. The function was held in a grand banquet hall of a local five-stars hotel. The “stage” for the Dhulah and Dhulan was decorated with seasonal flowers and the lighting was especially arranged to enhance the photography session soon to take place. The hall itself was beautifully decorated with huge chandeliers and gracefully draped curtains in soothing colours. A soft scent of fresh flowers floated in the air, due to the abundance of fresh floral arrangements on each table. Shining crockery and cutlery laid on crisp, clean tablecloths awaiting the guests.

As the guests began to arrive, the soft background music was overpowered by conversations, people greeting each other, the ladies commenting on each other’s clothes and the children running around. Soon, the bride and the groom arrived, becoming the focus of attention for quite some time. Naturally, the ladies wanted a closer look at the Dhulan, her Jora and jewellery.

My stomach was growling with hunger, as I had skipped lunch, due to a hectic schedule. However, when dinner was served, I found myself deeply engrossed in a conversation with a friend, whom I had not seen for ten years. When I finally did move towards the food, there was the usual “get some before it finishes” rush, which made me wait for my turn. While I was waiting, I happened to see a slender woman, clad in a black Abaya with full Niqab. In the small space between the tables and the wall, she was standing and eating with her face to the wall. She was facing the wall, because she had removed her Niqab, so that she could eat.

The fact that she was obeying her Creator instilled her with a level of faith and dignity that only the believers and close slaves of Allah (swt) recognize and delight in. 

Suddenly, all the  guests faded into oblivion, and all I could see was the lady in the abaya. Even my hunger seemed to subside. Although I could not see her face, but I was not able to take my eyes off her. Among the 800 guests, she was the only woman in an Abaya. With a slight moistening of my eyes, I felt I could almost see Allah’s (swt) Noor surrounding her, blotting out all other light in the hall. Because for His sake, she had chosen to be a stranger among the people – she had chosen to go against the tide. She had chosen not to conform or yield to the pressure of society.

To me, she represented someone, who truly had the courage to stand up for her convictions. She had made a choice – and that choice was to please her Creator, even though it meant being different from everyone else. It did not seem to bother her in the least that people might hold her in contempt for being different, call her ‘backward’ and Jahil or shun her because of her ‘extremist’ stance. She knew whom and why she wanted to please, and this firmness of faith allowed her to be completely at peace with herself. The fact that she was obeying her Creator instilled her with a level of faith and dignity that only the believers and close slaves of Allah (swt) recognize and delight in. To her, her Hijab was much more than a covering, a piece of cloth – to her, it represented her total obedience to the Creator. Subhan’Allah! Subhan’Allah!

Wedding Websites

By Hafsa Ahsan


Many people mistakenly assume that the wedding is the most important part of the marriage. Of course, no one can deny the importance of the wedding, but the fact remains that the marriage is above everything else. This website has quite a few enlightening articles, which reiterate the purpose of marriage and the ideal age for marriage. There are also some audio lectures for those of you, whose Internet connections can support them.


This is an extremely interesting website, which features loads of articles pertaining to different aspects of an Islamic wedding. You will find tips on how to arrange your wedding, how to avoid the last minute jitters and, most importantly, how to stay within your budget. There are also some words of wisdom – advice to the couple tying the knot as to their roles, rights and responsibilities from their big day forth.


An article that exclusively takes a look at the extravagance during marriage ceremonies and the reasons for avoiding it. Everything here is explained from an Islamic perspective. Dowries taken from the family of the bride are also discussed. Apart from this article, the website contains also other articles discussing various aspects of marriage.