“Dear Diary: I just can’t stop smiling because Allah (swt) has His Hands on me.”




                                                 Image Courtesy islampeace1.wordpress.com



Life is beautiful, yet funny. All the problems are like brain injuries, and it’s an old joke that if you get a second blow at the same spot, you get all your memory and sanity back.


On the second day, when my full body X Ray was performed (I was in excruciating pain on the first day, and mostly sedated throughout the day), there he was, my neurosurgeon sitting right across the table, telling me that there was just a very minor bleeder (that resulted in a clot pressing in on my nerve)in my brain, and that I would have to go through a transient amnesia for at least four weeks- as it would take that much time to get resolved- so I better not be given any blood thinner. But, that demanded that I be kind to myself for forgetting things, and ask others to do the same- as a blood thinner could cause bleeding of wounds and delayed healing- and I had already lost some blood in my accident.


After hearing him out, of all the possible thoughts that could have struck me, the above mentioned adage dropped into my brain box and I went like: “Doc, can’t I just get another blow at the same spot, and just get done and over with”. He was flabbergasted. After a few seconds, he managed a mild smile. I laughed (had to at my own joke), and my nose started bleeding because I had head trauma, and massive nasal bleeding post crash. I was a funny mess on a wheelchair. He told me, “You’re a doc, I understand; but I also understand the seriousness of your injuries, and what you have gone through. How are you laughing and not shocked? Do you even know that your pain scale is almost 10/10? You will receive multiple treatments including electric current therapy (transcutaneous nerve stimulation) for numbing your nerves. Your body is in shock. I am happy that you are optimistic, but this isn’t a normal reaction. We hardly see this.”


My reply was: “I’ve no option, but to smile and laugh about it. A few hours ago I slid down my staircase, and landed with a thud all happy, and could move my head in any direction I wanted. And now, I just can’t..Isn’t it a brilliant feat? Isn’t it funny?”
He remained totally dumbfounded at what I had said, completely quiet. Looking at it retrospectively, I also found it hard to believe- I had the courage to say all of that because I knew how much difficult and painful it all was.

Faith in Allah (swt) can do miracles. I remembered all the Prophets as), and all that they went through; and yet, they were patient. I think I remembered all of that at the right time, and gained courage through that.


I now think that when you lead a life of obedience to Allah (swt), He gives you all the courage. Just like His remembrance in ones youth, keeps one away from major sins because of His mercy; and even, if you slip and commit a minor one, you burn that sin away with tears of regret; and promise Him  for never repeating it again.  Similarly, He the Almighty keeps you away from major traumas, and even, if you do land in some kind of pain ( physical, emotional, psychological etc.), then Dhikr, and those nights of remembrance, burns all the pain away.


And so, in all his surprise, my physician went on and asked me how I was feeling; and in all my delirious amnesia (forgive my satire) I retorted: “As it is only my second day, I can’t surely say- but so far so good- best is yet to come.” I felt so calm because I had asked Allah (swt) directly during those last moments for I still hadn’t done enough for my Hereafter, and He listened. I know that pain is a blessing in disguise. Doctor told me that he couldn’t believe his ears because, even though he had seen loads of war and what not injuries, he knew my courage was coming from a place of contentment and peace. And, during the times of pain and hardship, it is rare. “I call it faith. It results in patience. I know how sweet it is. It dissolves everything bitter.”


“You remember Me, I’ll remember you” (2:152) –Allah (swt) addressing believers in Quran.


“Remember Allah (swt) during times of ease, and He will remember you during times of difficulty,” (Tirmidhi)


I vouch by all the Great names of Allah (swt), it’s true. I have experienced it. My doctors said that even if I’d just let myself truly feel the pain my body was experiencing, I could have died of that feeling alone. Even the mere act of thinking about pain and solidifying that thought in mind kills people because it leads to hopelessness, and that’s just like rust. Like a fire that spreads fast, and burns everything coming in its way- I survived because Allah (swt) gave me hope, and made me see it all positively. I don’t know how many times I’ve free-fallen for Allah (swt) since then. People fall for people, and things, and world, and this, and that, and what not. But I fall, I free-fall for Allah (swt) over and over again. I trust Him that much. Alhumdulillah.


A soldier is prepared before leaving -but even though they are all ready- after injuries, they themselves, and their bodies go through shock.

I guess none of us are ever prepared as such; but I think that Allah (swt) does prepare us- whether we realise it or not. I had seen off my father to two wars. I had seen hundreds of tanks and APCs, other equipment, and the whole garrison move from the top most place; it was terrifying to see off thousands of soldiers to war, and overwhelming at the same time, and I still remember that view.


I had seen death of my friends; I had shouldered and hugged my friends on their father’s funerals post war; I had prayed for my father for his martyrdom on his very own request. I had seen enough to be patient. Allah (swt) had prepared me for this well in advance. He surely only puts the burden you can always endure. All of us are the same. He makes us brave. Yes, He makes us, it’s not our own doing- it’s His. He makes us either through His own will, or He makes us when we truly seek and ask for it. Know this in your heart that all the battles you have fought, Allah (swt) had always known you could fight that one. He gave us our parents, and families, and put us through situations with the knowledge of what lies ahead.


My physician pushed me to meet paraplegic war veterans, and bomb blast victims- just so that I share my spirit, and humour- as it may give them courage to not give up. “They get depressed and suicidal; and it is, but natural and expected. They have suffered loss, sometimes an irreplaceable or unfixable one.” he told me. “You must meet them.” He also called on the trauma team, and said: “Emergency, RTA case, hyper-reflexes, ask her anything and listen to her replies. Which one of you was telling me the other day that she feels like killing herself just because she couldn’t do well in PLABS.” I had another bout of laughter.


realise now that, in this day and age of fear mongering and media blast, perfectly normal and healthy beings are ripped off of peace- just because they believe in the lies media, and the world tells them. Their innocence is lost to the stupidity of educated illiterates- (sorry, but I don’t have another term to describe the behaviour and stereotyping they preach who tell them what to look like, what to wear, and how to be like to be accepted and revered. The loss of connection with Allah (swt) makes them believe whatever they are told and taught- because they lose their ability to think, solve and apply. They lose their touch, their brilliance, their courage- because being strong, and being a believer, isn’t cool enough anymore. Beauty has lost its touch, modesty has been stripped off,  and perfect beings are just depressed because they couldn’t get an A+.

The education we get at schools and colleges, and the media we rely on, doesn’t prepare us to deal with real life situations. And, it results in depression for most of the kids and adults alike, unfortunately.


My earnest request is that if you ever get into a tough situation, just get help from your own nearest support system- ask Allah (swt). I do it all the time. I share with people I trust, I ask for help, because sometimes you just need to hear the thing you already know from someone else’s mouth- just for the sake of hearing and internalising it. But again, ask Allah (swt) first and foremost. Cry, beg, weep for hours esp. in the last third of the night – He listens, He truly does. Ask for help -do whatever it takes but never fall into the abyss of hopelessness- it is a trap.

Coming back to where I started off- if something hits you hard, just lie down and breathe. Laugh and remember your best friend who is always there -Allah (swt).
If you get a brain injury, get another one on the same spot like I wanted to. My religion tells me to be thankful in every situation. I was well-taught about it, and I also found it on my own through my experiences. You all probably know that too; and if not, just embark upon this beautiful journey to seek gratitude, and you will find it for sure. Allah (swt) has already told us all that, “If you are thankful, I’ll surely increase you.” (14:7)
Hopelessness is a word missing from our dictionaries because probably a believer can’t disbelieve in Allah (swt); and hopelessness is the biggest sin- it’s the denial of the Creator as the Creator. Let’s not wait for some event, or some grand thing to happen to apply this. Do it now in regular mundane stuff. If I can, you too can. And Allah (swt) never leaves a believer, trust me with this. In fact, just trust Him. He is pure love. I have experienced it, and continue to every day and every minute. You just have to let it sink in.

Always Thankful

thank“So, winter holidays, huh? What are you ladies planning to do during these two weeks?” asked Jawad, keeping his eyes on the road ahead, so as not to bump into anyone accidently. He could feel the girls’ happiness permeating the air and he smiled.

“Yes, papa!” Said the youngest, Aisha, who was seated right beside him, bouncing on the car seat with excitement. “I am going to watch all the movies that Baji downloaded for me, and play Ludo and Carom and Scrabble and call Sarah over, too!”

“I am also going to call my friends over, and we are going to have so much fun. I bought new computer games yesterday, so I will be quite busy!” chimed the second eldest, Maryam, whose eyes shone with excitement at the thought of no school for two whole weeks. The eldest daughter kept quiet, smiling to herself. At home, she had a pile of books waiting to be read, and she could hardly wait to get started.

“Papa, papa, papa!” exclaimed Aisha suddenly, “can we go have ice-cream, please?”

The eldest daughter raised her head up in anticipation. She eagerly looked at her father’s back, hoping he would say ‘yes’. They had not had ice-cream for ages!

“No darling, I’m sorry, but not today,” said their father, “I am getting late for work, so I need to drop you off at home; maybe some other time.”

Humaira’s heart sank. All that happiness she seemed full of just a few minutes ago had vanished, only to be replaced with bitter feelings. They never went out. Why couldn’t they go eat ice-cream? It was the last day of school after all, and all of them had gotten such good grades! They deserved some treat! All her friends used to go out with their parents all the time, but she had never complained. So what if father was late for work one day in a whole year – he could say he was caught in traffic!

She was in a bad mood all the way frowning and looking out of the car window, when she saw something that made her feel really guilty and ashamed. A small, thin boy was sitting at a bend in the road, clutching his stomach, his face drawn and eyes sunken, as he stared ravenously at a group of four people coming out of a shop holding delicious, mouth-watering burgers. This scene made Humaira realise how selfish she was, crying over ice-cream when she was not even hungry. She straightened her face and silently thanked Allah (swt) for all that He had given her, pleading forgiveness for her unacceptable behaviour. Instead of her hunger for ice-cream, she focused on the book she was going to read when she got home, and soon she was lost in thought.

Their father dropped them off at home. They went to their rooms to change clothes and then had lunch. As they sat down for lunch, the three girls saw, to their utmost disappointment that it was all vegetables. They made faces and would have left the table, if their mother had not just come in at that moment and glared at them angrily, commanding them to eat. The mood around the table was sour, as every girl took out a minute amount of food in their plates and started eating. Humaira was just about to grumble that everything was so unfair, considering that it was their last day of school, when she remembered the scene she had seen from the car. Her head dropped with feeling of intense shame. How pathetic was she? And how much did she take things for granted! So many people were starving, and here she was being picky about her food! Despicable. She was so ashamed of herself that she ate her lunch quietly and then went to pray.

And the rest of the day passed by uneventfully.

Aisha and Maryam spent their time playing board games, while Humaira curled up in her bed and started reading her books. Quite a few times their mother entered the room and scolded them for not tidying up the room or not washing the dishes or cleaning the table; but Humaira made sure that she did not whine, grumble or complain, because she knew she would be wrong. She had to learn to be grateful for the blessings that Allah (swt) had bestowed upon her, rather than taking them for granted. How many times had she complained of wanting her own room, when she was pretty sure that the boy she saw on the street today had no room at all? How she had insisted on having her own desk, when that money (for the desk) could have easily fed fifty starving children? So she kept her silence and obeyed the commands without once questioning them, all the time thanking Allah (swt) for His blessings.

At night, when their father returned home, he had a surprise for all of them.

“Girls, look what I have got for you!” He shouted, and the three girls clamoured up to him trying to see what he had brought.

“Ice-cream!” they shouted happily; and that too came along with fries and pizza! Humaira smiled and whispered a silent ‘thank you’.