In The Dark, I See The Spark!

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In the dark, silent nights,

The pillow absorbs the warm tears that roll down my eyes.

The aches are still apparent.

The agony which tears apart every inch of my soul.

The memory of letting you down several times.

The hurt of giving priority to those other than you.

The burning feeling of cheating you.

The fear of becoming a hardened one.

The anguish of being lost and alone.

The shiver of spell bound heedlessness.

The denial of standing in front of you one day.

The nervousness of being accountable.

The pit in stomach when hear of your justice and anger.

The forgetfulness of daily obligatory prayers.

I cry and become restless for wasting one more day.

In dark, silent nights,

The pillow absorbs the warm tears that roll down my eyes.

I sob out of love for you Ya Rabbi.

I ask, I ask for Jannah like a stubborn child.

In the dark, silent nights,

I long for your pleasure.

I pray for steadfastness.

In the dark, silent nights,

The hope is still high-

As your blessing is more observant.

I Stole the Quran

Quran-550x412May 21, 2014

Dear Diary,

I enjoyed a lot today. Can you believe it? I picked five pockets in a row! Besides earning cash, I got a Ligne Lighter. Who’s going to smoke in Victorian style? No prizes for guessing… ha ha. Hey I also got a Badollet wristwatch that I had always dreamed of. I got two cellular phones, too. I left them on the bench nearby. Don’t want to get tracked for something not so tempting. If they were S5, I would have thought of a way of keeping them. Leave it. Hey, Diary, you know I also found some private photos! I will use them for blackmailing! Hurray for me! I am Musa. Ehm, ehm! Anyways, I am dead tired now. Ate three zinger burgers and drank two cans of Coke, too.  Want to sleep now. What the heck! I forgot to get sleeping pills. They finished yesterday. My eyes never coordinate with my tired body! Blast… I’ve got to go to the pharmacy now. Bye!

May 22, 2014

Dear Diary,

Yeah! Today was another awesome day. Went on rides, had buffet at “Marriot”, did some shopping. Enjoyed a lot! Yesterday’s cash is enough for two- three days but wanted to do something nasty out of nature. So, I picked pocket of a gentleman. Did I just write ‘gentleman’? Whoa! No one is gentle in this world. They leave planet Earth so soon! This world doesn’t let them live. I prefer being cunning. Hey YOLO (you only live once)! Get all your dreams come true here only, so you don’t have to aspire for more. Who has seen the next world? Hey, did I mention that I played cat-and-mouse with a few girls? Ha-ha. Nice game; will play that more often. I think today two pills won’t work. My body has learned to resist their effect. Whatever! Bye!

May 23, 2014

Oh Diary,

You’d be angry, why I didn’t write to you at our promised time of midnight. Sorry and please don’t be angry. You are the only one I’ve got to share my feelings with. I’ll try my best to write at our promised time. Dear Diary, today I am really sad. I know it is half past two, but still I don’t want to take sleeping pills. I am wondering, who my parents were. I am mentally so tired of all this. I don’t even know exactly what I mean by ‘all this’. I am unable to understand myself. Ah!  I am tired of running after my wish of having lot of wealth, bullying, harassing girls, pick pocketing. In a nutshell, I am tired of being bad. I didn’t pick any pocket today. I went for a stroll in the park. I don’t know what happened – I just sat there, staring at the families. Don’t I deserve a family? I mean, why can’t I steal a family? Not only that, but I feel there is another void inside me that nothing in this world can fill. I mean, not money, family or anything. It has something to do with my inner self… something within me. “Oh, my Creator, fill that void within me!” Did I say ‘Creator’? Diary, what’s going on with me? I need to go out for a stroll. Bye!

May 24, 2014

Dear Diary,

I know, I know! I am writing to you in the morning. But I’ve got so much to tell you. I couldn’t wait for the night. Diary, did I tell you yesterday that I was going out for a stroll? Wait a minute; let me check. So, yeah, I did. Yesterday, I strolled by the Lake Superior for two hours. I was a little at peace finally. I felt hungry, but I had forgotten my wallet at home. I didn’t have a penny in my pockets either. I saw a man sitting on a bench. I saw him as bait. I had promised myself that I would not pickpocket out of habit or luxury while strolling. But at that time I was hungry and picking pocket was necessary.

So I headed towards my bait and sat down on the bench near him. The man’s eyes were closed. He was handsome… not so-called cool like other men but elegant. He had a beard and great magnetic force. I got attracted to him. I didn’t want to pickpocket him. I decided to take just the money for a meal. I called him to make sure he was asleep. Yes he was. I slowly, took out the wallet. As I pulled my hand out of his pocket, he opened his eyes. I quickly put his wallet in my pocket. He felt his pocket with his hand slightly. I noticed it with my sharp eyes. To my utmost surprise, he didn’t say anything!

“Hi, Dude! What you’re doin’ up so late?” He patted my back, as if he was my old friend!

“Oh, n… n… nothing, just strolling,” I stammered.

We talked. I learned he had a night job. That was his day off. He asked me about my family, friends and studies. I felt him taking pity on me.

“Dinner?” he asked.
“No! No!” I instantly denied, out of fear he would find out his wallet was missing. I thought he was staring at me.

“We both are hungry,” he said jokingly, eyeing me. That man was strange. He took out his wallet from the front pocket! “I won’t ask you to pay,” he smiled teasingly.

“Okay,” I gave up and let the man play with me.

We had wonderful dinner. Then he bought me beautiful joggers like he wore and told he wore them when jogging, and that they were great! He was so loving and friendly. “Oh God! Time flies by with a friend!” he said looking at his watch. “Where do you live?” I told him the area. “We have to part from here.” He gave me his card. “Keep in touch,” he added smiling. Man, he looked so lively. I wanted to return what I had taken. But I didn’t dare. Anyway, I had a beautiful night.

Diary, the first thing I did after reaching my apartment was to check out his wallet. I took it out. To my surprise it was a small book with zip cover. I opened the zip. It was a copy of the Quran with translation! I was taken aback. A sacred book! I slowly started reading it in the respect of the man, who had made me feel so important. “In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful. All praises and thanks be to Allah, the lord of the Alameen (all that exists).”

‘Including you,’ a voice told me from within. I continued: “The most Gracious, the most Merciful. The only Owner of the day of Recompense. You alone we worship and You alone we ask for help (in each and everything).” My eyes filled up. “Guide us to the straight path,” I read this verse again and again. I was weeping. “The way of those on whom you have bestowed your Grace and not of those who earned your anger…” I shivered.

Dear Diary,

I read the book throughout the night, tears flowing down my face… tears of regret for the past and happiness in finding the right path. The void has filled up now. I am going to meet that man again today. I have been a bad person. I’ve got to destroy you now. My diary, full of sins, is not worth reading. It’s a diary of a bad person. I pray my book of deeds on the Day of Resurrection be entirely different.

Bye, forever.