Slowing Down the Propellers


Mr. Zafar, a concerned father of a three-year-old, has arrived at his office, completely distressed. His daughter was not admitted into a prestigious preschool. His wife has already filed a complaint at the institution where the toddler underwent a six-month-long programme supposed to prepare her for the pre-school admission test.

Mr. Hassan, Mr. Zafar’s colleague, has other worries on his mind. His teenage son is bluntly refusing to work with the chemistry teacher, whom they have hired for tutoring him in late evenings. He is also not interested in Mr. Hassan’s proposed extra-curricular activities, which would look so good on his resume for college application.

Although the scenarios of Mr. Zafar and Mr. Hassan are to be taken with a good dose of humour, many parents nowadays find themselves in similar situations, micromanaging and over-analyzing the lives of their children. The recent decades have witnessed the rise of a distinct style of parenting, which has come to be known as ‘helicopter parenting’ – paying extremely close attention to experiences and problems of children, particularly at educational institutions, or, in other words, hovering over their heads much like helicopters. It is believed that some of the factors contributing to the rise of helicopter parenting are the increased academic competition, the exposure of child abduction stories in the media and the highly competitive environment of the global economy.

While a healthy parental concern about children is a positive phenomenon, over-parenting can result in such unwelcomed developments as lack of problem-solving skills and self-esteem in children. Some children might become so dependent on parents that they would require ‘helicoptering’ well into their college and beyond, while others might simply rebel against the tight grip of their parents, as they get older.

What are helicopter parents like? Here are some key characteristics:

  • Obsession with their children’s education, safety and extracurricular activities;
  • Over programming the lives of their children, allowing them no free time for playing and exploring on their own;
  • Inability to tolerate that their children might have painful or negative experiences;
  • Conviction that their children can be happy only by proceeding through their lives smoothly, and that it is the duty of parents to facilitate it.

As well-meaning parents, we all have the innate wish to protect and provide for our children. However, at some point, we should ask ourselves whether we are doing too much for them. Here are some healthy ways of slowing down the propellers and avoiding the trap of over-parenting:

  • Let your children deal with their own problems. Often, in an attempt to save children from negative experiences, parents swoop in and fix the problems kids are facing. By dealing with their own problems, children become stronger. Making poor decisions and learning from natural consequences will help them make right decisions in future.
  • Do not overprotect your children. While parents should provide a reasonably safety environment for their children, overprotecting can prove to be counterproductive. Knees will get scratched and the cricket game will have only one winning team. Life holds many valuable lessons to be learned.
  • Let your children take risks – within reason. Kids are able to handle more than we think. If the situation at hand has acceptable risk level, let your kids face it head on; however, stand by and be ready to jump in if the potential damage exceeds the lesson to be learned.
  • Talk it through. Leave the fix-it practice; instead, teach your children to address problems themselves. Coach them on peer relationship problems or academic issues and allow your kids to mature by experiencing the full range of emotions.
  • Encourage your children to try. No amazing adventures or great discoveries have happened without some anxiety and fear in the background. When your children face something scary, put a positive smile on your face and encourage them to try it, instead of empathizing and allowing them to back out of it.

Slowing down the propellers and giving the children space might not be easy. Today’s society loves high achievers and believes in pressure-cooking success. It’s time for human parents to get back to the basics and learn confidence from the instincts of mama-bird, who knows just the right time to kick the babies out of the nest.

Synchronize Yourself – I See My Parents To Be A Parent!


Today, Muslim couples begin their journey together with the basic agreement that they want to raise children who are respectful and obedient servants of Allah (swt). Perhaps, this is why one of the thoughts that lingered on my mind after my Nikah was that of raising my ‘future’ children. With thousands of parenting books, guides, and other resources, I believed that learning how to raise children would be relatively easy if I followed the guidelines, but my opinions changed when my mother told me:

“My daughter, parenting is a skill that no one can teach you! It is something that you must learn.”

Many days after I had received my mother’s advice, I was left feeling confused and nervous. I felt unprepared because I did not know how I would learn to be a parent before I actually became one. I realized later that my mother was referring to the fact that no matter how many guide books I read and experts I talk to, bringing up children would be a unique experience for me; one that is different for every single person who becomes a parent. At this point, I pledged to myself that I would make Dua for children who would become the coolness of my eyes. I prayed that through the values, my husband and I would teach them to please Allah (swt).

Till today, one of the verses from the Quran that is very close to my heart is, “O my Lord! Grant me from You, a good offspring. You are indeed the All-Hearer of invocation.” (Al-Imran 3:38). It is a beautiful reminder that no matter where you look for techniques, praying to Allah (swt) will always be sufficient.

It was because of my Dua that I was bestowed with countless learning opportunities that made me realize that in order to learn parenting, I didn’t have to look that far, I simply had to observe my parents. As odd as it sounds, I received lessons from my parents as they interacted with, and took care of my grandparents.

It is a well-known fact that age changes the habits, physical and mental makeup of most people. Old age changes one into a child all over again; weak, feeble, and dependent on others for basic needs. Allah (swt) says in the Quran: “And he whom We grant long life, We reverse him in creation (weakness after strength). Will they not then understand?” (Yasin 36:68)

Thus, when they are ‘reversed in nature’, they require the same care, attention and love that we once did when we were children. And my mother and father both through their actions made me understand three important lessons that are integral to parenting.

  1. Give them attention

Every evening, after returning from work, my father goes into my grandmother’s room, greets her and asks her about her day. Although a simple gesture, it is probably one part of the day my grandmother looks forward to the most. It is truly heartwarming to see her delicate face light up, and this demonstrates a very important lesson.

The more attention one gives to children, and in this case, old parents, the more they want to listen to you, because they feel close to you. Many of us listen to young ones half heartedly, and when it is our turn to tell them something, they turn away. The attention that parents give to their children aids in developing a connection that is integral to parenting.

  1. Love them and show affection

Several times, I had observed my mother showing physical affection for her mother. When we visit my grandmother, not only does my mother spend time with her, but also hold her close, and remind her what her mother means to her. This uplifts the mood of my grandmother, and adds to her overall well-being. I have noticed that she becomes more positive about her surroundings when she is reminded that she is amongst those who love her and want to see her happy.

Like our aging parents, children also want to be loved; they want to feel special to their parents. They yearn for our closeness, just like a small child who does not want to leave his/her mother. Physical actions of love – such as hugging and kissing children – along with the expression of emotions is an important element of parenting as it serves as a method to make the child understand their place in the family.

It is narrated by Abu Hurairah (rta) that the Prophet (sa) kissed Al-Hasan bin Ali (rta) while Al-Aqra bin Habis At-Tamim was sitting beside him. Al-Aqra said: “I have ten children and I have never kissed anyone of them,” Allah’s Messenger (sa) cast a look at him and said: “Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.” (Bukhari)

  1. Respect them

Often, mistakenly we link the word respect to elders. And, it is true that elders need to be respected. No matter how old and weak my grandmothers are, my parents respect their wishes and opinions. Underestimating parents, taking them for granted because of their old age, and thinking that they know very little compared to us, are all forms of disrespect and should be carefully avoided.

But, this does not mean that children do not have a right to be respected. Rather, they have to be regarded as individuals too, and their wishes, of course within limits, must be noted. There are times when parents publicly humiliate and shame their children; make fun of their children with others; and underestimate the skills and talents that their child may have. This not only makes children distance themselves from their parents, but also, causes them to disrespect their own parents. Respecting children helps them learn how to respect their parents, and it also enhances their self-respect when they know that they are receiving respect from others around them.

Real Parents, Real Heroes

real parents, real heroesHuman relations are a complex and sensitive web of emotions. Family is the foundation of every society. Why does family matter? Well, around one-fourth of the Quran instructs humanity about family matters. Over 1200 verses pertaining to familial matters specify rulings, injunctions, and advice from Allah (swt) to us.

The strength that we gain from our family enables us to go forward and tackle the challenges of life. Hence, a family is sacred, and it is mandatory for Muslims to pay attention to their families and energize them. If the family system crumbles like a feeble mole hill, the society disintegrates also.

True parents are true leaders

The other day, I was brushing my teeth. My fourteen-year-old son Yusuf stood next to me. He was brushing his teeth and making all kinds of swishing sounds and gurgles much to my dislike. For the first time, I realized that he had grown taller than me. I asked him: “Yusuf, what kind of weird sounds are those? Didn’t I ever teach you how to brush your teeth?” He replied: “No dad, you didn’t.”

It just dawned on me that every fault in my child was my failure as a father because I hadn’t modified his attitude or act. True parents are true leaders of their families. In Islam, servants and leaders are one. If one cannot serve his team, he cannot lead. Our Prophet (sa) was always the first in a battle and the last in a caravan. A very important book by Simon Sinek titled Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and Others Don’t is worthy of mention here, as it can facilitate the concept of true leadership and parenting.

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[Infograph] Tips on Raising Tomorrow’s Leaders

The youth of today will be the leaders of the Ummah tomorrow. As parents, how can we ensure that our young ones are raised with the best Deen-inclined attributes that enables them to lead the Ummah tomorrow? Aneesah Satriya at presents the following infograph. tips_leaders-web

A Clean Slate

islami parenting- 1

Being raised in a society of ‘liberal’ and ‘moderate’ Muslims that believe in the freedom of expression, one is obliged to respect and tolerate matters that are against the teachings of Allah and His Messenger (sa). Those who dare to disagree are accused of being rigid, backward, fanatic, extremist, or narrow minded, depending on the category the individual best fits, according to their level of acceptance and their intensity of reaction.

An average Muslim’s goal in life has become finding happiness by submitting to his own Nafs (the base self) and keeping it satisfied at any cost. This contagious disease of wanting to acquire Dunya, is what we strive to pass on to our children too.

We can bring a change, primarily, by taking charge of our Nafs and then passing on the Khair of this Deen through actions and speech to our offspring. 

Parents take pride in getting their daughters married to a well to do man regardless of where the money is coming from. Similarly, some others take pride in their sons earning a lot of money through any means. We are in danger of forgetting what is  Halal or Haram.

We need to ask ourselves, what kind of society do we want to give our children? How many people seriously worry about their sons not praying Salah, or daughters not wearing  Hijab or husbands earning Haram wages or parents not doing proper Tarbiyah (raising) of their children? Whose worshippers do we want them to be? Worshippers of The Most Merciful or worshippers of the most wretched, Iblis. This is one of the things we as parents will be held accountable for. Rasool Allah’s Hadith affirms the influence of parenthood as he (sa) said:

“No baby is born but upon Fitrah (inclination towards Islam). It is his parents who make him a Jew or a Christian or a Polytheist.” (Muslim)

Anticipating our children approaching a fire, would we sit back and only warn them by saying, don’t go near it, it will harm you.’ No, we would take drastic measures and would do anything to stop them from being harmed. Then why do we settle on mere suggestions about preparing for Akhirah? Why do we lack the extensive measures? Is it not inevitable? Does it not need a severe action/reaction? How can we not be anxious about it while surrounded by  Fitnah (trials/mischief)? Do we possess a family visa for Jannah? Allah (swt) says in the Quran:

O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded. (At-Tahrim 66:6)

Ironically, instead of preparing our children for Akhirah from childhood and providing them with favourable conditions where they can embrace their Deen with confidence, we adopt a relaxed approach. After providing them with various distractions and Fitnah throughout childhood and getting them used to a worthless and aimless lifestyle, we expect them to focus on the real goal as grown-ups.

After death, our children will either be a reason for our comfort or torment.They are sent to as clean slates for us to decide what we want to write on them. Therefore, they will either escort us to Jannah or push us into hellfire.

This is similar to plunging someone in filth while expecting them to remain clean. Have we ever pondered on the fact that we will be questioned for every blessing sent to us? How can we assume that we will not be held accountable for bringing up of the worshipper of Allah, being one of the most significant blessings?

After death, our children will either be a reason for our comfort or torment.They are sent to as clean slates for us to decide what we want to write on them. Therefore, they will either escort us to Jannah or push us into hellfire.

Allah’s Messenger (sa) said:

“When a man dies, all his good deeds come to an end, except for three cases; the charity of continuous blessings, beneficial knowledge which he leaves behind and a righteous child who prays for him.” (Muslim)

Sorrowfully, we believe that as long as we get worldly prosperity, tangible benefits, respect, validation, appreciation and happiness, we’ve reached our goal.

People openly disobey Allah and it affects very few and those who are genuinely concerned are mocked and ridiculed with nasty names. Such type of mind-set is encouraged by Shaitan, as he wants to make us act like him.

The question is, do we want such a society for our future generations where their motives are questioned and are directed by the masses, where our children and we are embarrassed to embrace our beliefs and values with conviction and confidence? After what our generation has seen and gone through, do we want to allow this Fitnah to pass on to our children? This becomes a reason for our failure in this life and the next.

We can individually and collectively resolve to reform ourselves. We can bring a change, primarily, by taking charge of our Nafs and then passing on the Khair of this Deen through actions and speech to our offspring. The need of the day is to rectify our lives by reshaping our beliefs, perspectives, and ideas and to redirect our focus to the correct source, Allah (swt). Why? Because, we want to be liberated from the shackles of Iblis and his allies and we want the eternal success and everlasting bliss, through complete submission to the will of Allah (swt). This my friend, is the solution.

May Allah (swt) help us remember Him, repent and rectify ourselves, individually and socially. Ameen.

From Childhood to Adulthood

transitionFor young Muslim adults, puberty entails not only physical change but a host of social changes as well. No longer innocent children, developing adults are expected to be more conscious of their clothing, gaze, and even his social etiquettes. Suddenly finding themselves confronted with a list of ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’ can be overwhelming and confusing. As parents, we can make this easier for our adults-to-be by making them aware of these protocols, long before their transition to adulthood begins. The following are a few tips towards this.

Knock, Knock

As the Quran and the Sunnah are our guides to life, the best advice is found within them. Allah (swt) has instructed us to teach our children to ask permission before entering their parents’ rooms on three occasions: before Fajr prayer, at noon (when their parents are resting), and after Isha prayer (An-Nur 24: 58). These times have been described as the times of privacy for parents.

Aurah Awareness

Make your child aware of his body parts, which will be considered his Aurah (the parts of the body Allah (swt) has forbidden to keep unclothed in front of others). Explain that no one should be allowed to see or touch them there, with the exception of those responsible for helping them in the bathroom, and with dressing and undressing. Insha’Allah (swt), this awareness will protect your child from being vulnerable to abuse. Emphasize that his/her body is special and not a source of shame, and that as a result Allah (swt) wants him to take special care of it.

Dress for Success

From a young age, dress your kids in clothing, which covers the Aurah, so that they get accustomed to avoiding very short and tight fitting clothing. Do allow them to choose what they’d like to wear, but make sure the options are those you approve of. This will, Insha’Allah, help avoid conflict, when the child is ready to buy his own clothing. Though there is no need to enforce Hijab on little girls, do encourage them, if they wish to cover their hair like their mommies. Telling them that they should enjoy their ‘freedom’ while still young can breed contempt for the Hijab.


Our Prophet (sa) has instructed to put our children in separate beds by the age of 10. (Abu Dawood) As puberty arrives soon after this age, this will make the child feel less awkward around his siblings, Insha’Allah.


Just as you would teach your child to bathe, make it a point to also teach him/her, how to make Ghusl. The Prophet (sa) said: “Ghusl (taking a bath) on Friday is compulsory for every Muslim reaching the age of puberty.” (Bukhari) Make Fridays special; a day to do Ghusl, wear clean clothes, and pray in Jamah (at a Masjid when possible).

Value Your Values

Teach your precious ones Islamic values, “Parents are going to have to sit down and explain their values to their own children. And this needs to start young, before society influences them,” says Marilyn Morris, who is president and founder of Aim for Success (USA). This is one of the largest organizations promoting abstinence from sex to students in grades 6 to 12.

It is necessary that parents model, what they expect from their kids, and accordingly avoid watching and reading material they want their kids to avoid. “Being careful themselves about what they (the parents) watch on TV or what movies they go to see is crucial,” Morris explains, “because that’s a bad influence on us at any age. And if our children see us doing it why shouldn’t they as well?” Bring your children, together with other children whose parents share your values, so that they all feel a part of a group. Insha’Allah this will also help reinforce what you teach them.

Honesty: The Best Policy

Children are very observant and will question every person’s actions, especially yours! Keeping your child’s age in mind, satisfy queries honestly. For example, when mommy does not pray during some part of the month, explain that this is a time, when Allah (swt) has excused her from doing so.

Let Allah (swt) be Your Guide

As always when explaining anything to your children, do make a point that the physical changes they will face have been put forward by Allah (swt). Refer to passages in the Qur’an and the Ahadeeth, not only to point out the protocols they must follow, but also highlight the rewards bestowed by Allah (swt) on those, who follow His commands. Furthermore, point out that though they will find many people, even among their peers, who may act contrary to these commands (keeping a beard, wearing Hijab, etc.), following Allah’s (swt) will is the best way to do things.

Insha’Allah the above tips will help you gently steer your children towards assuming Islamic etiquettes necessary for adulthood, and will eventually help them to guide their own little ones in the future, too.

Mind Your Mehrums

Allah (swt) has commanded: ” …Women not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband’s sons, their sons, their brothers or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s son’s or their (Muslim) women (sister’s in Islam) or the (female) slaves, whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigor, or small children, who have no sense of shame of sex…” (An-Nur 24: 31)

Explain to your little ones that Allah (swt) has made a special circle, which consists of your child and his Mehrums. Point out these people and their relationship with your child. For a girl, the above circle of special people are those, whose company she may enjoy, even when she’s all grown up. No matter how old, a boy may share the company of those to whose Mehrum circle he belongs.

Raising Fine Men

Vol 1-Issue 2 Raising fine menHerbert Hoover once quoted, “A boy has two jobs. One is just being a boy. The other is growing up to be a man.” This can be a journey filled with adventure; learning and much achievement, provided parents do their job well. It’s quite a formidable challenge but it’s undoubtedly worth it.

Role As Allah’s Servant

A man, who has a strong bond with Allah, can never fail as a great human being and a glorious believer. To him every intention made and action done is worship. He ensures that he never displeases his Rabb and when he makes a mistake, he hastens to amend it and ask for forgiveness. This is the believer we need to raise in our homes as Muslim parents.

Allah says in the Quran:”Verily, those who say: ‘Our Rabb is (only) Allah,’ and thereafter stand firm and straight on the Islamic Faith of Monotheism, on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve. Such shall be the dwellers of Jannah, abiding therein (forever), – a reward for what they used to do.” (Al-Ahqaf 46:13-14)

Role As A Son

Allah commands, “And we have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents…” (Al-Ankabut 29:8)

Abu Hurairah (rta) narrated, the Prophet (sa) said, “May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced, whose parents, one or both, attain old age during his lifetime, and he does not enter Jannah (by being dutiful to them). (Muslim)

Allah has commanded to show kindness towards parents many times in the Quran. Today, however we witness two extremes with regard to children. Some parents are far too demanding and expect a service beyond their child’s capacity in terms of time and attention. Conversely some parents do not want to take any help from their children in spite of their frail and weak state. Subsequently their children become oblivious to their duties and occupy themselves with their own pursuits in life.

We should maintain a healthy balance where we can allow our sons to serve us and earn a reward for it. Simultaneously parents should maintain their dignity and grace, providing them with love and guidance.

Role As A Brother

A good Muslim brother, may it be as a real brother at home, or as a brother of every member of the Muslim Ummah, will understand his duties. Brotherhood in faith is a bond that actually binds all Muslims regardless of blood relations.

Prophet Muhammad (sa) said, “A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs, whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomfort of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection.” (Sahih Bukhari)

Role As A Husband

Allah commands Husbands with regard to their wives, “…and live with them honourably…” (An-Nisa 4:19).

Allah describes the marital relationship as, “…They are Libas (i.e. body cover, screen or Sakan) for you and you are the same for them…” (Al-Baqarah 2:187)

Parents should teach their sons to fulfill their role as a good husband. He should not just be a breadwinner but actively involve himself at home too. This can be done by providing time to his wife, taking care of her personal needs, communicating with her and helping her resolve any conflicts.

This is important to keep the institution of marriage intact and firm. A man who is happy at home stays away from many evils of the society. He is also more likely to deliver his rights to everyone else too if he is a good husband.

He should not be pulled like a rubber band in between his spouse and his parents. Both have essential rights and both should not be neglected. Especially in a troubled marriage, parents should never take sides and advise their sons to be patient and kind.

Role As A Father

Today’s materialistic struggle for more leaves little time for fathers to spend with their children. They may be able to pay bills, provide luxury and comfort to their kids but they are hardly around to spend any quality time with them, leave alone teach them a thing or two.

Teach your son to be a father rather than a visiting guest in the house. A son can learn much from his father in a man-to-man relationship. If his father provides the appropriate role model to him, many wrongs can be set right.

When Fatima (rta), came to visit Prophet (sa), he got up for her, took her by the hand, kissed her and made her sit where he was sitting; and when he went to visit her, she got up for him, took him by the hand, kissed him, and made him sit where she was sitting. (Abu Dawood)

This beautiful example teaches us three lessons: A good Muslim father appreciates daughters and loves them. He gives respect to his children and teaches them to respect him. He does not hesitate to show his love for his children.

Prophet (sa) said, “A father gives his child nothing better than a good education.” (Mishkat) This does not only mean academics meant to build up a career, but the norms of a cultured and decent living which is approved by Allah and His Messenger (sa).

Role As A Friend

As wise parents, we should always look for families supporting values that can offer meaningful friendships to our kids. Especially in cases of boys who spend considerable time outdoors. It is best to help our children grow friendships at school, Masaajid, social clubs etc before they reach their teens. Till such time kids idolize their parents and are more likely to listen to them. Talk to them about their friends; have them come over so you can observe their habits.

The worst mistake that any parent can make is to pay no attention to the company their son is keeping. Many times bad habits are brought home from bad companions due to peer pressure.

Prophet Muhammad (sa) said, “The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the Musk-seller and the Blacksmith. As for the musk-seller, he may either give you some or sell you, or at least you enjoy a pleasant smell from him. As for the blacksmith, around him you may get your clothes burned, or have to sniff an offensive smell from him.” (Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)

Role With Relatives

Our present life style generally gives preference to friends over relatives. However as responsible Muslim parents we must teach our sons the vital place of family relations in a believer’s life. Maintaining cordial relations and providing selfless support to relatives is our duty and their right.

The Prophet (sa) said, “O community of Muhammad, by Him Who has sent me with truth, Allah cannot accept the charity of those whose relatives are in want of his kindness and help, while he is distributing it among others, leaving them out. By Him in Whose power is my life, on the Day of Judgment Allah will not look at such a man.” (Tabrani)

The children are ordained not to severe ties with relatives even after the death of their parents.

A man came to Prophet (sa) and asked, “Messenger of Allah, is there any kindness left that I can do for my parents after their death?” The Prophet (sa) replied, “Yes. You can invoke blessings on them and forgiveness for them, carry out their final instructions after their death, join ties of relationship which are dependent on them, and honour their friends.” (Abu Dawood)

Role With The Fair Sex

Allah commands: “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)…” (An-Nur 24:30)

He also says, “…Verily, the hearing, and the sight, and the heart, of each of those ones will be questioned (by Allah).”(Al-Isra 17:36)

Ibn Abbas (rta) reported, the Prophet (sa) said, “No one of you should meet a woman in privacy unless she is accompanied by a Mahram (a relative within the prohibited degrees).” (Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)

Joking with our boys about girlfriends, permitting them to chat on the phone or internet with girls and encouraging them to mix up freely with females in parties or elsewhere, does it suit us as Muslim parents to follow such a course? Our sons will only learn to respect women if we train them to do so, otherwise they will always consider them as an object of fun and play.

Allah warns us in the Quran:”And know that your possessions and your children are but a trial, and that surely with Allah is a Mighty Reward.” (Al-Anfal 8:28)

Once the Messenger of Allah (sa) was delivering a speech. Meanwhile, (his little grandsons) Hasan and Hussain (rta) arrived, stumbling and wearing red shirts. He came down from the pulpit, took them, and ascended it with them. Then he said, “Allah has said truly: ‘Your property and your children are only a trial…'” (At-Taghabun 64:15)… Afterwards he resumed the speech. (Abu Dawood)

We must make every possible effort to bring up good believing kids and leave the rest to Allah. Along side we can pray earnestly, “…Our Lord, grant us spouses and off springs who will be the comfort of our eyes…” (Al-Furqan 25:74)

True Stories Of Exemplary Mothers

Many years ago in Uzbekistan, a baby boy was born blind. His mother, a strong Mu’minah, did not lose faith in the Power of Allah to cure him. She persistently prayed for her son’s sight. Within a few years the boy was cured.

She was widowed, the boy an orphan. She travelled with him to Makkah so that he could receive Islamic Education. She arranged that he attend the circles of the scholars. Consequently, he began excelling in the science of Hadeeth. He travelled to distant villages in search of the most authentic sayings of the Prophet (sa).He would pray two Rakahs before accepting a Hadeeth. His mother named him Muhammad ibn Isma’il. And many of us know him today because of the book he compiled, Saheeh Al-Imam Al-Bukhari!

In another land, in another time, chilly Baghdad winds would wake up another boy. Much before Fajr, his mother would bundle him in warm shawls and escort him through the darkness, making sure he reached the Masjid safely. After Fajr, she would wait for him as he read Hadeeth to the biggest scholars of the land. Then, long after the sun had come up, she would meet him outside and together they would walk home. She was a strong mother indeed, for her son grew up to become an Imam of the Muslim Ummah, named Ahmad ibn Hanbal.

Common Pitfalls To Avoid

  • Considering boys to be superior.
  • Forgoing lessons in morality
  • Exempting them from household work.
  • Turning a blind eye to questionable behaviour.
  • Turning over your authority to them.
  • Encouraging them excessively to be ambitious.
  • Raising them as selfish and inactive members of the community.
  • Considering every choice of theirs as private, personal and final.