Do You Yell at your Wife?

15 yell at wife

In order to get to Jannah, you have to make sure you are the best to your spouse. Do not shout at your spouses for mistakes they make. A Hadeeth says: “The best from amongst you are those who are best to their wives.” (Ibn Majah) Subhan’Allah! You have to be the best to your family members, best to your spouse, best to your husband – but how do you treat them?

Sometimes, the wife burns the food, which may be a test from Allah (swt) for you. Allah (swt) is watching, and, to be honest with you, the angels are writing what your reaction would be. That is all that’s happening, nothing else! She might never burn it again and we get up and yell: “Do you know how much money is wasted here? You know this food is rubbish; it’s rotten; it’s bad; it’s filthy; throw it out!”

Is that the attitude to have? Well, why did you get married? That is someone’s daughter – how are you speaking to her? Have a bit of shame. Your children are watching. It is one thing if you yourself are committing a crime, but think about it – you are teaching your children how to commit a crime that they will commit in a bigger way. For this reason, I encourage people to look at the parents of their future spouses. If their parents are living with beauty, respect, and honour, it would mean that the prospective spouse has learned beauty, respect and honor. But if their parents are fighting like cats and dogs, swearing at each other, and there is a relationship that is totally absurd, then it does not mean that the child is bad, but the child may have qualities like them, especially if it is a male.

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Love Gets it Started, Mercy Keeps it Going

Beloved People

You were sitting there, on the couch,

Well dressed, smart, no slouch

With hair well-trimmed and glasses neat,

The beard just made it all the more sweet.

 

Your shy smile and your gaze at the floor –

I knew it then that there is more.

With our Mahrams right there with us,

We discussed our interests and what suits us.

 

The conversation lasted for just a few minutes,

Enough to help us get our tickets

To start this movie of life and adventure

With each other as companions, we write our own scripture.

 

With the will of Allah (swt) comes opportunity,

And the aid too comes from Allah (swt) only.

Istikhara, my family and my instincts

Helped me make a decision remarkable and distinct.

 

Little did I know you are the light to my dark,

The answer to my prayers, my own benchmark.

You held me, helped me took all my faults,

You converted them all and gave me exalts.

 

Alhamdulillah, you are the coolness of my eyes,

My guardian now and the reason for my smile.

You encourage me to work hard and pursue high goals

For this life and hereafter and to perfect my loopholes.

 

You are pious, caring, sometimes panic, mostly calm,

May your knowledge increase as a student of Islam.

You love to teach and correct what’s wrong,

You made me a better Muslim and human being along.

 

You care for your grandmother, aunt and mom,

You strengthen ties of kinship, maintain your Salah and Saum.

You are honest and brave and provide for me,

Your love is as big as a wide open sea.

 

You keep your promise and never fake one,

Whatever you say, I consider it already done.

You give me space with my friends and family,

You are the reason for my growing personality.

 

You share with me the highlights of the day

And discuss the details too with energy and play.

You invest time in our religion and relationship –

I pray I enter Jannah with you in my companionship.

 

You know how to balance work and family life,

You are active, sporty and want the same from your wife.

You are intelligent and cute, smart and funny, too,

You are my tall, dark and handsome, my price charming in blue.

 

You wipe away my tears, understand my pain,

You deal with my tantrums with no complain.

I shout, I cry in anger, I flare,

With you I am myself, none to you I compare.

 

We both make mistakes, fight for many reasons,

Like any married couple, we have our fall seasons.

But either apologizes and the other one follows,

Ask Allah (swt) for forgiveness, or else we are just hollows.

 

I never thought I could write again, to myself I swore

Or feel for a poem, like I used to before.

It is the thought of you that I sit after years, today

To compose a poem, hope it suits you I pray.

 

Love gets it started, mercy keeps it going.

Every day it blossoms, may Allah (swt) keep us growing.

In health and wealth, and success may we have Barakah,

Protect us from evil eye, sins and grant us Tawbah.

 

To my better half, my knight in shining armour

This poem is a mere symbol of my endeavour

For all the love and respect I have for you,

And the Jannah I yearn for you and me, too.

Shaikh Hussain Yee’s Words of Wisdom

paperpenDonning a brown shirt and a cap, the Sheikh was seated in the centre of “Fajr Academy’s” training room. His voice was tranquil yet firm, his face was radiant yet purposeful, his eyes scanned all across the room filled with teachers seated in awe before him. It was inspirational to be in his company and here is what he had to say:

As a Muslim

He is someone, who maintains a fine balance between physical, mental and spiritual needs. Why does a Muslim need to be like that? Well, if his body is weak, his mind is weak, too. And if his mind is weak, he cannot seek knowledge. And what is the best knowledge? That you can act upon right away. Why? It is because every person’s needs are different. Be proactive and be a part of the circle of people of knowledge. So you may ask them questions. That is the fastest way to learn your Deen. Also remember knowledge without action is not beneficial. Allah (swt) and the Prophet (sa) hate such individuals, who only listen but do not act upon what they hear.

As a teacher

At my educational centre in Malaysia, I teach my students that this is your home. Keep it clean and don’t litter around. I teach them to sweep the floor and wash the dishes, because this requires a special set of skills. It is an art to clean correctly; otherwise, you are just wasting soap and water. Your heart should be in it. Yes, something as insignificant as cleaning. The whole point is that whatever you do in Islam, you must be committed with your heart and soul. Also, don’t just be a Mualim or Mualimah. Be a Murabbi. The difference is that a Muslim comes and delivers the lecture and leaves unbothered. But a Murabbi imparts knowledge, monitors that it is implemented and keeps supervising, until it is properly imposed. Our Prophet (sa) was a Murabbi, too.

I teach my students to participate. I tell them that when Allah (swt) calls, you must respond. If you don’t, you are not the chosen one. Similarly, when I call you as a teacher, you must come willingly. When you will need me, I will be there for you too. We are a family. I have students who have become fathers and now their children come to me as students. So I am practically a grandfather of hundreds of children.

Your mind is a home for right knowledge. It is counter-productive to seek incorrect knowledge, as it corrupts and confuses your mind and thoughts and ultimately – your actions.

The best way to strengthen your soul is to perform DhikrAllah. Remember Him much. Recite:

“Rabbi Aainni Ala Dhikrika Wa Shukrika Wa Husni Ibadatika.” (An-Nisai)

(“O Allah (swt), help me to remember you, to thank you and to worship you in the best manner.”)

Why do we need Allah’s (swt) help in remembering Him, offering thanks to Him and worshipping Him? Why can’t we just do it on our own? Mainly because this only holds value if performed in the manner Allah (swt) commanded us to do and the Prophet (sa) taught us to do. We cannot please Allah (swt) in any self-created or self-innovated way. It may lead us and others towards misguidance unknowingly, and we might end up displeasing Him instead.

As a servant for community

The supreme manner to offer gratitude to Allah (swt) is to use your health, time, knowledge, and resources in His way. Each time you receive something from Allah (swt), know that it is time to give back by sharing with others. Everything the Lord (swt) granted to you is a Nai’mah (blessing).

Our community needs to be trained with patience. At my centre in Malaysia, my wife and I first clean the rooms before the initiation of any activity. Next, we put up signs around the rooms to educate people for different purposes and mannerisms. Even then many people fail to follow instructions and behave otherwise. They are insensitive to others. We take extra effort to correct Saf (rows) in the Jama’ah (congregation). I do not begin leading the prayer, until all the rows are straight, worshippers standing shoulder to shoulder and toe to toe with no gaps in between. I have a senior sister to signal me from among the ladies to begin, once the same has been achieved on the female side.

Also, significance of Jama’at (group) is very critical. When you are alone, you are exposed. Find creative ways to unite the Ummah. If you had been on the spiritual journey of Umrah or Hajj and had companions along, host gatherings every month, taking turns and inviting them. Your kids will learn the importance of being an Ameer and uniting the Ummah.

As a father

In today’s age, I will strongly advise fathers to remain a step ahead of their children – frisk their school bags and belongings discretely. If you ever find something objectionable, talk to them about the importance of honesty, without confrontation. If the child still conceals or lies, go another round of Ahadeeth and Quranic verses that highlight the dangers of lying. If the kid reveals the truth, which might be disturbing, do not yell at him/her. Otherwise that will be the last time the child will ever confide in you.

Muslim families must internalize the Asma-ul-Husna. Learn and bring into your discussion the ninety-nine names of Allah (swt) with your family. Allah (swt) should be present and not passive in your lives. And when you are gone, your children will remember Allah (swt) the same way you did at every step of their lives.

As a husband

Trust is the single most important ingredient of one’s marital life. My wife and I have no secrets. She remembers my passwords more than I do. At times, when I get any indecent message from unknown female talking rubbish, I show the message to her first, so that it doesn’t create any Fitnah between us. We simply ignore it and the problem takes care of itself. But if you keep secrets from each other, it has adverse effects later.

Also there needs to be a balance between Dawah and home responsibilities. If you have not taken care of the minimum at home and stepped out for community service, it will become a bone of contention and domestic disputes. Take care of your homes first and then the community.

Adapted by Rana Rais Khan from a talk held at “Fajr Academy” (Karachi)