Innovators in Islam: Say ‘Hello’ to Hellfire

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Today, everything is available online, and Muslims fall for anything- because of their lack of knowledge about Quran and Sunnah. This results in practicing rituals that were never practiced by the Prophet Muhammad (sa), or by his companions (rta). These practices are wrongly associated with Islam. If I even dare to mention all innovations that we see educated people practicing in the name of religion, people would declare war here. This extremism is also due to falling prey to Shaytan.

Muslims belonging to any sect have one thing in common, which joins all of them together in the end- Quran and Sunnah

. Anything out of it or in addition to it- has to be rejected by every single Muslim. We need to study Quran and Sunnah to correct our practices, and leave which are wrong.

The disbelievers of Quraish tribe in Prophet’s (sa) time didn’t accept Islam because they weren’t ready to leave the ways of their ancestors.

Today, we don’t want to leave the innovations that were introduced as part of Islam, and practiced by our ancestors.

Definition of Bid’ah – Innovation 

Bid’ah is a new thing, introduced to and made part of the Deen (Islam) that has no origin what so ever from the Quran or the Sunnah of RasulAllah (sa).

Imam Bukhari and Imam Muslim write that there was some companions talking and the Prophet (sa) was listening. One of them said: ‘I will make prayers (Salah) all night long.’ The second said: ‘I will fast (Sawm) all the time.’ The third said: ‘I will never marry.’ When our Prophet  (sa) heard them say this, he said: ‘I am the most Allah (swt) conscious than any of you. I pray (Salah,) I fast (Sawm) as well, and I do marry women. And, who so turns his face from my Sunnah, cannot be of my Ummah’. (Mishkat, Muslim, Bukhari)

The reason why our Prophet (sa) stopped them from doing what they wanted to do was because it was against Sunnah (his way). Whatever we do which is against the way of our Prophets (sa) Sunnah is a Bid’ah Sayiah.

RasulAllah (sa) stated: “On the Day of Judgement, some people will come to me when I will be standing by Haudh-e-Kauser (Well). They will be grabbed and taken towards the Hellfire. I shall say: “These are my people,” but in reply I will be told: “These are the people who introduced innovations after you, so they are unbelievers.” (Bukhari, Muslim, Kitab-ul-Haudh)

A person once sent Salam to Abdullah Ibn Umar (rta) who replied: I do not accept his Salam, as this person has innovated by becoming Qadriyyah (A sect which does not believe in destiny) (Mishkat, Kitab-ul-Iman wa-al-Qadr, transmitted by Abu Dawood, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah)

The above narration emphasizes upon the fact that Bid’ah is to hold such an Aqeedah which is in direct opposition to the Quran and Sunnah- i.e. to become Qadriyyah, Jabriyya etc.

RasulAllah (sa) stated: “Every innovation leads astray; and every creator of the astray goes in the Fire.” (Muslim)

An example of this Bid’ah is given by Hafidh Ibn Al-Qayyim who writes: ‘The one who denies the punishment of the grave is an innovator’. (Kitab-ur-Rooh)

Some people think that if they are just following someone else, as long as they themselves did not invent something, then their action is acceptable. This is not true; every person is responsible for being diligent in making sure their actions are correct. Emulating and following the Prophet (sa) is a Quranic obligation. Allah (swt), the Almighty says,

“Indeed in the Messenger of Allah (Muhammad (sa) you have a good example to follow for him who hopes in (the Meeting with) Allah and the Last Day and remembers Allah much.” (Al-Ahzab 33:21)

Hadeeth about innovation in Deen (Bid’ah)

و كل بدعة ضلالة، وكل ضلالة في النار

And every innovation (in Deen) is misguidance, and all misguidance is in the Hellfire.

ہر بدعت گمراہی ہے اور گمراہی کا انجام جہنم ہے۔

( Muslim)

No doubt, it is obligatory for the Muslim to be a follower of his Prophet (sa) in what he prescribed; and it is not permissible for him to go against him, or to introduce any innovation in the religion for any reason whatsoever.

It is Bid’ah if…..

It should be noted that differing from the way of the Prophet (sa) and falling into Bid‘ah may mean one of two things:

  1. Introducing an act of worship for which there is no basis in Islam, such as touching graves and seeking help from their occupants. The scholars call this real innovation (Al-Bid‘ah Al-Haqeeqah). This is that which was not prescribed at all.
  1. The act of worship may be originally prescribed in Islam, and what is contrary to the Sunnah may have to do with defining a certain time or place for it, or a certain number of times it is to be repeated, or the manner in which it is to be done or the reason for which it is to be done. This is called innovation by addition (Al-Bid‘ah Al-Idafiyah); it is not Bid‘ah unless it is done regularly and repeatedly. If it is done only once or twice without adhering to that, then it is not Bid‘ah, such as if people pray Qiyam (night prayer) in congregation (Jam‘ah) on some occasion, without thinking that there is any particular virtue in doing so.

Common innovations of today

Some commonly seen innovations in today’s world which are passed on by the ancestors to modern day Muslims:

  1. Putting Quran on brides head during her Rukhsati.
  2. Ceremony of putting Quran first thing in a new office
  3. Mourning for the deceased on the tenth or fortieth day after his death.
  4. Putting finger in the grave right after burial and reciting selected verses for his protection in the grave.
  5. Putting perfume, Zamzam and other things in the grave.
  6. Celebrating special nights that are or are not mentioned in the Quran and Sunnah, and believing it is part of Islam.
  7. Wearing amulets for protection.
  8. Sacrificing animals in the name of saints.
  9. Celebrating birthdays of Prophets or Saints.
  10. Making monuments on graves or making solid graves.
  11. Believing in the altered concept of Tawassul.
  12. Believing in the Sufi methodology, their Tarikat such as believing that Allah (swt) can only be approached with the help of a Sheikh (Na’uzu billah)
  13. Singing Qawali- thinking it is part of Islam.
  14. Doing Tasbeeh on pebbles, and stones alone, or in a group.
  15. Making additional conditions of Salah which were never part of Sunnah.

Sadly, the innovations are increasing and the tolerance is decreasing. We refuse to listen to anyone else, and want to stick to whatever we do without even trying to open the book of Quran and Sunnah. This is how stubborn we have become.

When it comes to Bid’ah- those who are involved in it that have to prove its authenticity from Quran or Sunnah, not the other way around

. But if some persist, then my proof for classifying all the above as Bid’ah is that we do not find any reference to these actions in the Quran or authentic Ahadeeth which is classified as Sahih.


Note: If there is any error in the above list, then it is from me and Shaytan. I ask Allah (swt) for forgiveness for the mistakes and sins that we know, and for those that we do not know. And I ask Allah (swt) for guidance, mercy, faith, and compassion for all of us. Ameen.



Compass in the Ant’s Eye




We need guides to show us the direction when we travel to another country, or another city. In particular, when we do not know the place we are going to, we definitely must have a compass and a map. Map shows us where we are, and the compass shows us which way to go. We find the way by using these tools, and consulting other people so we do not get lost. Have you ever wondered how other creatures find their way? Have you ever thought how an ant seeking food in the desert returns to its nest?


Black desert ants inhabiting the Mediterranean coasts of Tunisia are among those creatures who build their nests in the desert.

These ants are very good at finding their way in the vast desert, and getting back to their nests without the help of a compass or a map.


As the sun rises, temperatures in the desert reach up to 70 degrees Celsius (158 degrees Fahrenheit). The ant leaves its nest to find food in the heat of the day. Frequently halting and turning around itself, it follows a devious route within an area that may be 200 meters (655 feet) away from the nest. You may see this route on the map. But do not think that the ant will get lost because of these zigzags. Once it finds a source of food, the ant follows a straight course and returns to the nest. With respect to their sizes, this journey of the ant may be compared to a man’s returning to his starting point taking a straight course after wandering 35-40 kilometers (22-25 miles) away from that point in the desert.



How is it that an ant successfully does a task that is virtually impossible for a human?


It cannot be that the ant finds its direction by looking at objects. Signs and way-marks such as trees, rocks, rivers or lakes which help one find the way are quite rare in the desert. There is only sand all around. Even if there were such signs, it would not make any difference, since it is not possible for an ant to keep these signs in mind, to memorize where they are, and to use them while finding its way. Thinking about it this way, one can better understand the significance of the task that the ant performs. The ant can perform this difficult task thanks to the special body structure it has been given.


There is a special direction-determination system in the ant’s eyes. This system that Allah (swt) placed in the ant’s eyes is more advanced than mechanical devices that determine direction.

Being able to perceive some rays that we cannot, the ant can determine directions, and know where north and south are. Thanks to this ability, it is not difficult at all for the ant to estimate where its nest is, and to return to it.


Human beings have lately become aware of the characteristics of light. However, the ant has known and used a characteristic of light, which was unknown to human beings, since it was born. Certainly, such a perfect structure as the eye of this ant cannot be attributed to random coincidences. The eyes of the ant must have been so since it came into existence. Otherwise, the ant could not have returned to the nest in the desert heat, and could not have survived. Indeed, eyes of all desert ants have been equipped with this system since the first day they came into existence. Allah (swt), the All-Knowing, created these eyes for them.

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Camel milk- The new hope

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Camel milk has been used for thousands of years. Although, camel milk is not  high in supply as cow milk- but it has a number of clear advantages over the more common supplies of milk- including more powerful nutrients, and better chemical compounds.

Camel milk has a distinct taste that’s slightly saltier, and more watery than other familiar milk varieties.

Due to its distinct taste, camel milk may not be people’s first choice on their breakfast. Camel milk is a great dairy substitute for people who cannot have regularly dairy product.

Medicinal use of camel milk

Camel milk has been used medicinally for centuries by nomadic people. There is a Hadeeth narrated by Anas (ra) – some people were sick and they said: “O Allah’s Apsotle (sa)! Give us shelter and food. So, when they become healthy, they said: “The weather of Madinah is not suitable for us.” Prophet (sa) sent them to Al-Harra with some she-camels of his and said: “Drink of their milk,” but when they became healthy, they killed the shepherd of the Prophet (sa) and drove away his camels. The Prophet (sa) sent some people in their pursuit. Then, he got their hands and feet cut; and their eyes were branded with heated pieces of iron. I saw one of them licking the earth with his tongue till he died. (Bukhari)

Camel milk is closest to human mother’s milk, which means that it gives us an ideal nutritive mixture, with many  benefits for our body than the other  alternatives we use quite commonly. It contains ten times more iron, and three times more vitamin C than cow milk. It contains protein as well as less fat content. Camel milk has greater contents of other vitamins and minerals, such as, potassium, phosphorus, zinc, iron and manganese.

Camel milk possesses unique, powerful immune-system components. Camel milk might potentially benefit for protection against certain auto-immune disease, and boost heart health, prevent diabetes, improve the immune system, stimulate circulation, treat autism, and lessens allergic reaction. 

The Camel Milk Association says it can be digested by people with lactose intolerance. Camel milk does not coagulate easily, even in an acidic environment such as in our stomach. Hence, it can easily get absorbed by our digestive system.

  • For diabetic patients

Low-fat camel milk not only contains healthy vitamins and minerals, but also is a rich source of insulin.  Dr. Hosom Habib, an expert in human nutrition said: “It also has an insulin effect, so it is good for those with both Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes. It has some protein with a molecular structure similar to insulin. People with diabetes will benefit from it. Camel milk contains fifty two units of insulin per liter, which is more than 60% of the average necessary external insulin administration for Type 1 diabetics. It’s, therefore, speculated that camel milk could help supplement insulin shots for Type 1 diabetics, in addition to its clear potential for diabetes prevention.

  • Immune-system

Camel milk contains various protective proteins, which may have the possible role of enhancing the immune defense mechanism. These protective proteins are mainly enzymes which exert anti-microbial and immunological properties. The role of immunoglobulin gives the immune protection to the body against infections.

  • Cancer

Camel milk contains a natural antibiotic called Lactoferrin; it could prove beneficial for those suffering from colon cancer

A research led by Dr. Hosom Habib, Lactoferrin, the main iron binding protein of the milk which showed a fifty six percent decline in cancer growth when applied to cancer cells.

Lactoferrin showed antioxidant activity, and could prevent DNA damage by binding catalytic.

  • Autism

Camel milk might prove to be beneficial for autistic children; autistic children who drinking camel milk have had an amazing improvement in their behaviour and diet. A study published in 2005 edition of the “Journal of human development” observed the effect of camel milk consumption, instead of cow milk, on autistic people. Researchers discovered that a four years old female participant drank camel milk for forty days, her autism symptoms disappeared. A fifteen years old boy also recovered after thirty days of drinking the milk. In addition, several autistic people twenty one years old consumed camel milk for two weeks, and were observed to be a quitter and less self- destructive. Researches show that autistic symptoms have been lessened, or erased completely when camel milk was taken regularly.

Camel milk was first mentioned in the Holy Scriptures as being a gift for hungry people, and a remedy for sickness. This claim is still valid today; it can be used as a medicine for various  diseases. Camel milk is a whole food- meaning it has enough nutrients to sustain a person through the day.


Still so busy: Give elders time before time flies


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The older people are never a burden, but a blessing and a source of Barakah for the home and the family. Their experience and life stories can enlighten you in a way that no book or novel ever can.


If you see anyone around yourself- please be a source of pleasure and help for them. Listen to them; they are the people who have no careers, no success, and no vacations to look forward to. The major portion of their life is past them. It’s them and their sickness. Imagine how depressing! If they are in your homes, or you know them by any other source, it becomes your responsibility and duty to look after them; make them feel important, and let them take part in everything that matters.


The best thing you can give them is your time, and your patience to understand them- even if they can’t hear you properly, are not able to remember anything that you told them the other day, their behaviour changes with you frequently, or if they require extra time to carry out the daily life tasks. Realize that this phase comes with physical as well as emotional weakness.

Before brushing off the thought aside, all of us should keep in mind that this age could come to us too; we are all aging, and if not now, but at one point in our lives, we might go through the same dilemma.


It’s when they leave you that you realize how much they have taught you, and how much effect their presence had- even if they were bedridden. When I lost my grandfather, I realized that there was no one who could replace him. After his death, I used to find folded  pages of useful articles in magazines and newspapers that he kept  for me to read, for which I never had the time when he was alive. He was the one who had all the time of the world to listen to my tantrums, laugh at my silly chatter, and share jokes with me. He would talk about his love for photography, his travelling experiences, and the things he learnt from them; never did he talk about his illnesses, or the pain he was in- but it was his love that made us all look after him.


Therefore, help them out- not because they need it- but because you can look after them, and do things for them; help them not because they are old and weak, but because you are young and active. Believe me these people can be your gateway to Jannah. You can take their prayers, and Duas, and conquer the world and hereafter.

The increasing number of old homes in our society is a clear indication that most of us have failed to consider them important, value their right to be respected, and no more recognize their part in our upbringing, well being and happiness.

The tales of the people there are heart wrenching; how their kids never come, and meet them; how they told them that they are useless once they retired, and how they promised to come back to pick them, but never did. On the other hand, it tells us about how more and more people are willing to take care of the ones who have been abandoned.


These words sum up what you attain and lose- if you take care of your elder ones, especially when they are your parents. A Hadeeth says:  May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced, whose parents, one or both , attain old age during his life time, and he does not enter Jannah (by rendering being dutiful to them) (Muslim).

Date- A man’s mate


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Dates are a miracle food that gives us tons of benefits. They are packed with a host of nutrients that provide several benefits for health; it is eaten as a regular dry fruit by most of the people. Many people consume dates as a staple food.

Dates contain vitamins, minerals, protein and they are a good source of fruit sugar. . They also contain magnesium, sulphur, iron, potassium, phosphorous and chlorine. Dates are rich in fiber- they contain both fibers soluble and insoluble fiber. Soluble fiber helps to lower the level of cholesterol, and insoluble fiber prevents from constipation.

The American Nutrition Center recommends an intake of 20-30 grams of dietary fiber per day, which can be supplied through dates. Dates are also good for gaining weight.

Eating a dates in the morning on an empty stomach kills intestinal worms, and other parasities. It is narrated said that Allah’s (swt) Apostle (sa) said: “He who eats seven “Ajwa” dates every morning, will not be affected by poison, or magic on the day he eats them.” (Bukhari)

Why dates are useful for your health?

Bones strengthen

Calcium and magnesium are important elements for skeletal growth, and balancing the body bone structure. Dates contain high level of calcium and magnesium, which protect the body against bone weakness, and preventing from osteoporosis.

Rich in Iron

Dates contain iron, which is highly recommended for those who suffer from iron deficiency. Moreover, it is great for blood purification as well.

Great energy booster

Dates are a good source of sugar- this sugar is not glucose, which rapidly raises the level of blood sugar but the fruit’s built in sugar does not. Dates are considered as the perfect snacks for an immediate boost of energy.


Organic sulphur is present in dates. This is not a very common element to find in fruits. But, it has excessive health benefits, including the reduction of allergic reaction and seasonal allergies. Dates can fairly handle the problem of seasonal allergies with its benefits of organic sulphur.

Weight gain

Dates possess sugar protein and many essential vitamins, which are good for health. Thin and slim people who are willing to raise their weight eat dates in even number. One-kilogram dates contain 300 calories, and the calories are enough to fulfill the day demand of your body. Of course, you should not eat just dates throughout the day, but if u want to increase your weight, you need to eat it

Why break the fast with dates?

Breaking the fast with dates is a Sunnah. Breaking ones fast with dates, as well as, praying before Iftar, are both mentioned in the Hadeeth.

“The Messenger of Allah (sa) would break his fast with ripe dates, then he would pray. If those were not available, he would eat dried dates. If those were not available, he would drink some water”.

Breaking the fast with dates is considered healthy, because dates contain high level of natural sugars. Sugars travel most quickly to the liver, where they are converted into energy more quickly than any other nutrient. Muslims have an immediate need for this energy when they break their fast, for they need energy to perform their sunset prayers. Ironically, when a person eats, the body uses energy to digest the food. Eating large quantities of food immediately after fasting is not healthy for the body. Eating a date first helps the body start its digestive process, and gives it the energy to deal with the secondary, more complex foods, eaten during Iftar.

Dates are also high in vitamins, and thus,  eating dates daily during Ramadan is like taking a daily multivitamin. This daily multivitamin can create a stronger and healthier body  fit for fasting. Dates also have a special place in Islam. In fact, they were one of the Prophet’s (sa) most frequently consumed foods.

Tackling Emotions in Settling Differences

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Maliha had just returned from her 6-years-old daughter Anum’s school. She unfolded the now crumpled report of Anum that confirmed Dyslexia. Anum’s teacher was very caring and reassuring that Anum was an extremely bright kid, who just needed special attention and a different means to learn. Maliha’s child was different. How would she break the news to Ali, her husband? Anum was her father’s apple of the eye, the only child born ten years after their marriage.

Maliha knew this wasn’t the end of the world. But the string of tears just poured, staining her face. She decided to relieve her own pain, so she could be strong later when informing Ali. They could go out tonight to a quiet place, where she could gently explain to Ali all that Ms. Sarah (Anum’s teacher) had talked about. She carefully re-read the information Ms. Sarah had given her. Maliha mapped out in her mind the conversation that she would hold with Ali. She arranged Anum’s babysitting with her grandmother. She planned everything meticulously.

Meanwhile at the office, Ali had a monstrous day. He broke into an argument with his demanding boss. His top of the line worker had an accident and fractured his leg. One of Ali’s important customers filed a complaint about the company’s poor service. It was a trying day, and by the evening, Ali was glad it was finally over. All he wanted to do was go home, play with Anum, have his favourite meal and hit the bed. He had to be in the office very early next morning to prepare a compensation plan for his disgruntled client and present it to the senior management. That required much thinking.

When Ali arrived from work, he looked drained much to Maliha’s immediate disappointment. She suggested that they dine out to relax and change the mood, which was the last thing Ali wanted to hear.  He suggested otherwise. Ali wanted to eat at home and retire early to bed. Maliha insisted that she wanted to eat out without explaining anything. Ali was now very irritated, as he couldn’t understand why. He had had such a rotten day, and it was still not over with Maliha mindlessly nagging him about a stupid evening out.

They both projected what were their positional bargains, their own stances without finding out the reasons, why the other person was disagreeing. Both had valid reasons to differ but never communicated to each other. The hidden intent behind these differences remained concealed, until it was too late. Maliha and Ali, who were already vulnerable and wounded from previous experiences, locked horns and ended up in a battle.

This is what we experience almost daily with strangers, acquaintances and our dear ones – situations in which the hidden intentions are not communicated, assumptions are made at face value, and wrong results are derived from faulty calculations. The art of creating agreements is lost.

Could Ali and Maliha have handled the above situation differently? Maybe. Here is a guideline that “Timelenders” (a management consulting and training firm) offers for tackling emotions in settling differences:

  1. Be calm.

When you sense a disagreement with someone, do not opt for emotional outbursts. This may seem difficult initially but with conscious thought and practice, volatile emotions can be tamed.

  1. Recognize the other’s emotions.

Make a shift of priorities to understand the other person’s sentiments. Sometimes we are so consumed by our own feelings that we ignore the other person’s heartache altogether.

  1. Make your own emotions explicit.

Clarify how you feel, without expecting others to guess or take initiative figuring out your worries. No one is a master psychologist or owns a crystal ball to know what is going on in your life.

  1. Allow the other side let off steam.

If tempers are high, let the other person say what he/she has to. They won’t be listening to you in any case, if you try to out speak them, since they will be wrapped in their own miseries.

  1. Keep an eye on the emotional bank account.

It is easier to settle differences with people you have been nice to. If you have shared positive experiences and had a good relationship with them, there would be no grudges hindering or haunting from the past. Always try to treat everyone courteously, so they remember your past goodness.

A word of caution: possible communication challenges might occur, so:

  1. Keep an eye on the non-verbal communication.

Many people are not effective with words and are unable to explain their actual stance. In such cases, try to follow their body gestures, silence, etc.

  1. Listen actively and acknowledge what is being said.

When they speak, listen intently. Comprehend later. Judge lastly. Do not reverse the sequence. Also, do not multitask during a disagreement in order to avoid further irritation.

  1. Speak to be understood.

Don’t mumble, throw jargon, talk sarcastically or in under currents, so as to leave the other person wondering, what you actually meant.

  1. Don’t speak from the gallery.

Do not involve others in the conversation or talk in front of people who have nothing to do with your disagreement. Address only the parties involved.

Following are some non-verbal communication one needs to be mindful of:

  1. Speech pace and pauses
  2. Pitch and tone
  3. Use of space and distance
  4. Body motion and gestures
  5. Body posture
  6. Facial expressions
  7. Gaze
  8. Touch and body contact

In 1967, psychologist Albert Mehrabian analyzed the impact that a speaker’s attitudes and feelings leave on an audience. Following is what he discovered:

Imagine: in a conversation or presentation, visual content (your body language) has 55% of impact on others. Similarly, the way you present your words has 93% of an impact on the other person. If your verbal language and body language is out of sync, you can never be taken as a genuine person. If you want to apologize, your voice and expressions must convey it. If you want to appreciate someone, you cannot furrow your brows and twitch your nose when complimenting. Similarly, if you are concerned about someone, you can’t laugh and look merry about it. Your intentions have to be communicated with actions (co-related body gestures).

Differences and disagreements are part of life. They are natural and set us apart from machines. They facilitate us to mature as humans. They truly bare our soul. In such times, we are tested for our wisdom, grace and character.

Face the Facts

Did you know that our face can support:

  1. 8 positions for brows and forehead,
  2. 17 positions for our eyes and eyelids,
  3. 45 positions for our lower jaw,
  4. 43 distinct and separate muscle movements in the face giving us a combination of 10,000 identifiable facial configurations,
  5. Fleeting facial expressions that last for four hundredth of a second.

Subhan’Allah! If Allah (swt) is the Creator, we are a marvel of His creation.

Reaping the Rewards of Ramadan

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Annually, Ramadan gives us the greatest discount to stock up Hasanat for our Akhirah account. The rate is exceedingly profitable, so it is important to consider the best ways of using this opportunity for everyone in the family, especially the head of the household.

Time Management

Proper time management is the key in order to avail limited time offers. A daily schedule helps stay focused on what is important. Wasting valuable time by sleeping away the hours should be curtailed. Rather, sleep should be kept to the minimum. Watching TV should be limited to only those broadcasts that are truly beneficial, like live Taraweeh broadcasts from the Haramain. Similarly, ensure that all Eid shopping is out of the way prior to Ramadan, so that the entire family can utilize the last ten days for worship in the best possible manner.


Time should be reserved for personal and collective worship, throughout the day. This includes the daily Adhkar, Quran recitation, Qiyam, congregational prayers, Taraweeh, etc. As the head of household, encourage your family to participate in worship. Take the younger ones with you for the prayers, especially Taraweeh. Even if they do not participate fully, just being in the Masjid and seeing worshippers pray together in the special Ramadan atmosphere leaves a lasting impact on their young hearts and minds.


Learning is another beneficial activity that one should establish both at an individual as well as a family level. Personally, one can use Ramadan to memorize a portion of the Quran or understand its meaning, or study some Ahadeeth daily. The family can also learn together. Last Ramadan, while walking to and from the Masjid, my son, who was six, memorized some Surahs of Juz Amma just by repeating after me. Older kids can be asked to research the background of these Surahs and report back to the family when the family is together, for example, while driving, sharing meals or sitting down for a family study circle. The younger ones can be asked to draw and colour whatever they have heard.


Ramadan is also a time for sharing, whether it is food, clothes, wealth or knowledge. Some may disagree, but I have found that rather than arrange Iftar parties throughout the month for the rich, where people participate in food orgies and end up missing Taraweeh prayers, it is better to supply food to the less privileged members of society, for example, the needy, students, bachelors, orphans or travelers. Taking your kids with you for daily rounds of food distribution engenders a love of giving and an appreciation of the blessings they have in their lives. Projects can also be developed through Zakat money, which many Muslims choose to pay during this blessed month.


To free up time for all of the above activities, both for us and for our families, it is important to keep food shopping, preparation, presentation and consumption to a minimum. A simple meal can suffice daily for Iftar as well as Suhoor. Husbands can help by doing groceries quickly using a shopping list at a less crowded time of the day and not picking faults in food presented to them. They can go for a simple Iftar of dates and water and have dinner after Magrib prayers. This will ensure that the ladies of the house get sufficient chances to reap the benefits of these days and do not have to spend extra time in the kitchen.

Sons, husbands and fathers play a big role in helping to maximize the benefits of Ramadan for themselves and their families. A family, which is led properly to utilize Ramadan time for worship, learning and charity, can hope to achieve the real spiritual goals of this month, Insha’Allah.

Surah Al-Hujurat in Our Lives (Part 3)

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Verse 4

“Verily! Those who call you from behind the dwellings, most of them have no sense.”

This verse was revealed for the Bedouins. Understand that the life of the Bedouins in the desert is very rough and very harsh. They came to the Prophet (sa) to understand some matters of the religion. At the time, the Prophet (sa) was inside his private chambers. Instead of exhibiting patience, they started to call him out from outside. This verse is admonishing them for their impatience. Note it gives no excuse for their behaviour. It simply says that they “have no sense”. As Muslims, we are obliged to behave responsibly and conduct ourselves as individuals who use their intellect, not as those who have no sense.

Verse 5

“And if they had patience till you could come out to them, it would have been better for them. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

One can imagine that the Bedouins, for whom the previous verse was revealed, must have felt terrible that a verse came directly to admonish them. Allah (swt) is comforting them here. He mentions that He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. If the aforementioned acts of impatience were done out of ignorance, He will forgive. However, now that the warning and the solution is clear, one must not fall prey to impatience. The solution is to repent for previous behaviour and reform one’s ways to ensure one is patient and respectful towards the Prophet (sa).

Verse 6

“O you who believe! If a rebellious evil person comes to you with a news, verify it, lest you harm people in ignorance, and afterwards you become regretful to what you have done.”

Consider whom this verse is addressing: “O you who believe” or the believers. Essentially, this means that the instructions that follow are for the believers. Whoever follows these commands will be considered as a believer. Question is: Believe in what? Answer: Believe in Allah (swt) and believe in the commands He has given.

Let’s analyze the verse in more detail. “…a rebellious evil person…” – who is he? The Arabic word is ‘Fasiq’. Literally, Fasiq is derived from the word Fisq, which refers to a date, whose skin is peeling off. It essentially refers to a person, who has deviated from the right path. People can be guilty of either major Fisq or minor Fisq. Those, who engage in the latter, are still considered to be believers. However, those, who do major Fisq, are not considered to be Muslims, because they have crossed all the limits set by Islam. A Fasiq can exercise Fisq in terms of behaviour (calling out to the Prophet [sa] from outside his chambers) or in terms of religion.

Now what happens if someone comes to you and brings you some news? You have to:

  • Analyze the person, who has brought the news;
  • Analyze the content of the news.

People usually go to extremes in following the two-pronged approach. They either refuse to accept any news from the disbelievers, or they accept it without question. True believers take the middle approach. If the person bringing the news is not a believer, verify it and if needed, discard it without giving it a second thought.

If a believer brings some news to you, again, you have to analyze the content. What is this news about? If the person is telling you about someone committing adultery, you immediately discard the news. This is because of the condition that whoever accuses one of adultery has to bring four witnesses, and if this testimony proves to be false, the person bringing the news will be lashed 80 times. Moreover, this individual’s testimony will not be accepted ever again and he will be termed as a Fasiq.

The word used for news in the verse is Naba. Naba refers to major news that has a great impact. Such is the impact of the news that it can affect one’s hearts and one’s relations with others. This is why verification of this news is extremely important, before acting upon it. If one acts upon the news without verification, one falls in the category of being judgemental. One’s attitude towards the other person starts changing. This takes root, until the two people concerned part ways totally.

What are the specific types of news that you do need to verify?

  • News that concerns you directly. If something does not concern you, it doesn’t bother or affect you. Hence, you can easily dismiss it.
  • News that affects you. This type of news creates doubt in your heart about someone close to you. You have to verify that this news is true, before you act upon it. Consider an example: your friend tells you she saw your husband with a lady at a mall at 11:00 pm. When your husband comes home, you will, of course, ask him about it. Suppose he replies he has no idea what you are talking about. He has arrived straight home from a long meeting. You accept this and leave the rest to Allah (swt). Maybe your friend saw someone else. Maybe she did this on purpose to create a rift in your house.

Note: You have to verify with a clean heart and clear intention. What would happen if, in the above example, you start accusing your husband the minute he sets foot inside the house, without giving him a chance to explain? What if you would start checking his cell phone, when he is not around? If you do this, then it simply indicates that you totally believe what your friend said. Since you believe without verifying, Allah (swt) will make your doubts seem as reality. Remember that incorrect ways of verification lead to more doubts. Your heart should not take any sides without verification.

The wisdom behind verification is to ensure you do not end up harming anyone emotionally, out of ignorance. Harming emotionally means backbiting, giving a cold shoulder, discussing negatively with others, etc. You don’t know the true story because you heard only one side and believed it whole-heartedly. Remember that every story has two sides. If you never heard the other side, it means you judged the person whose news was communicated to you, while that poor person has no idea what is being spread about him or her. What if you would later find out that the news was false? Remorse and regret would naturally follow.

Prophet Muhammad (sa) warned us about the punishments for those, who bring news and create rift/enmity between people. It is reported from Hudhaifah (rtam) that news reached him (the Prophet (sa)) that a certain man used to tell tales. Upon this, Hudhaifah (rtam) remarked: “I heard Allah’s Messenger (sa) saying: ‘The tale-bearer shall not enter Paradise.’” (Muslim)

Don’t make it your job to spread people’s news. Refrain from gossiping. Vain talk about people creates enmity and hatred. Some people do this in relation to scholars. They ask one Sheikh about a matter, and then they go to another and ask the same question. Then they quote the first Sheikh to the second one and thus create differences between them.

A very important aspect of spreading information is forwarding emails. Do you verify the content of emails before forwarding them? Are you especially careful with anecdotes and incidents from Islamic history that are written without any references? This is how this verse applies today, when there are Blackberries and Iphones in almost every hand.

Another key point is that you yourself have to be careful. Don’t put yourself in a situation, in which others get a chance to judge you. Consider the following Hadeeth:

Narrated by Ali bin Al-Husain (rtam): Safiya (rtaf), the wife of the Prophet (sa), told me that she went to Allah’s Apostle (sa) to visit him in the Masjid, while he was in Itikaf in the last ten days of Ramadan. She had a talk with him for a while. Then she got up in order to return home. The Prophet (sa) accompanied her. When they reached the gate of the Masjid, opposite the door of Umm Salamah (rtaf), two Ansari men were passing by and they greeted Allah’s Apostle (sa). He told them: “Do not run away!” And said: “She is (my wife) Safiya bint Huyai.” Both of them said: “Subhan’Allah! (How dare we think of any evil), O Allah’s Apostle?” And they felt it. The Prophet (sa) said (to them): “Satan reaches everywhere in the human body, as blood reaches in it (everywhere in one’s body). I was afraid lest Satan might insert an evil thought in your minds.” (Bukhari)

As we can gauge from the aforementioned Hadeeth, it is better to clarify before you are questioned.

Taming your Tricky Toddler

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  1. You are in the middle of composing an email on a tricky subject to a difficult family member. Your toddler bounces up to you with cries of ‘Mommy, mommy!’ What is your most likely reaction?
    1. Cry out: “Will you let me do ANY work?”
    2. Ignore and keep typing.
    3. Sigh loudly, clench your fists, stop typing and say: “Yes?”
    4. Sigh inwardly, stop typing and attend to the toddler.
    5. Toddler is unlikely to come as you made sure he or she was fast asleep before you tackled this particular email.
  1. You are preparing some snacks for guests who dropped by unexpectedly. Your toddler clings to your legs, demanding attention. What would be your strategy to deal with this?
    1. Tell him or her to get out of the kitchen and bug the guests instead.
    2. Ignore him or her completely.
    3. Say irritably: “Wait till uncle and aunty leave, and I will deal with you”
    4. Give him or her some pots, pans and spoons and allow him or her to play with them.
    5. If guests come unexpectedly, you never bother to prepare fresh snacks; you are likely to serve them something that doen’t need much effort.
  1. Your toddler just threw an object at the maid. How would you react?
    1. Stand on his or her head until he or she apologizes to the maid.
    2. Tell the maid to ignore it completely; if she reacts, he/she will do it more.
    3. Pick up the object and apologize to the maid (when the toddler is out of sight).
    4. Give your toddler a time-out, and then talk to him gently but seriously about how it hurts when we throw things at others and that we can try not doing it again.
    5. Your toddler would never throw anything at anyone because he/she is taught that one only throws balls.

Score Yourself

  1. 1 b. 2 c. 3 d. 4 e. 5
  2. 3 b. 2 c. 1 d. 4 e. 5
  3. 5 b. 2 c. 1 d. 4 e. 3

Your Report

13-15: Excellent. You definitely realize that your schedule needs to follow the toddler. It is also good to note you do not make allowances for others which disturb your toddler. That said, do realize that unexpected and unplanned events happen, and one must be prepared to deal with them.

9-12: Fairly good. At times, you are able to distract your toddler from negative behaviour, but do remember to use time-outs sparingly and at the end, have a chat with the child about acceptable and non-desirable behaviour.

8-5: Good. You mostly employ a strategy to ignore your toddler’s negative behaviour. At times, it is the best technique. However, you need to know when you need to step in and be firm.

4 and below: Oh dear! You seem to be caught up in reactive parenting. Categorize your child’s behaviour into “I can ignore it” and “I can distract him/her”. These two strategies work wonders. Remember toddlers repeat their parents’ oft-used sentences when they start speaking – be positive and inculcate positivity.

Ramadan and Eid Treats

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Masoor Dal Pakoras

  • Masoor lentil (Dal) 1 cup
  • Onions 2 (finely chopped)
  • Green chillies 3-4 (finely cut)
  • Coriander leaves A few (cut)
  • Red chilli powder and salt To taste


  • Wash and soak lentils for an hour.
  • Drain the water and grind the lentils in the blender.
  • Add salt and red chillies (as required).
  • Then, add onions, green chillies and a few coriander leaves. Mix well.
  • Heat oil in a pan.
  • Put spoonfuls into the pan, and fry until they are brown and crispy.
  • Drain on paper towel and serve warm.

Yummy Kulfi

  • Condensed milk 1 tin
  • Evaporated milk 1 tin
  • Cream 16 oz
  • Elaichi powder ½ tsp
  • Pistachios 1 oz


  • Blend the milk.
  • Add the cream.
  • Then add pistachios and Elaichi powder.
  • Put in moulds and freeze.

Slowing Down the Propellers


Mr. Zafar, a concerned father of a three-year-old, has arrived at his office, completely distressed. His daughter was not admitted into a prestigious preschool. His wife has already filed a complaint at the institution where the toddler underwent a six-month-long programme supposed to prepare her for the pre-school admission test.

Mr. Hassan, Mr. Zafar’s colleague, has other worries on his mind. His teenage son is bluntly refusing to work with the chemistry teacher, whom they have hired for tutoring him in late evenings. He is also not interested in Mr. Hassan’s proposed extra-curricular activities, which would look so good on his resume for college application.

Although the scenarios of Mr. Zafar and Mr. Hassan are to be taken with a good dose of humour, many parents nowadays find themselves in similar situations, micromanaging and over-analyzing the lives of their children. The recent decades have witnessed the rise of a distinct style of parenting, which has come to be known as ‘helicopter parenting’ – paying extremely close attention to experiences and problems of children, particularly at educational institutions, or, in other words, hovering over their heads much like helicopters. It is believed that some of the factors contributing to the rise of helicopter parenting are the increased academic competition, the exposure of child abduction stories in the media and the highly competitive environment of the global economy.

While a healthy parental concern about children is a positive phenomenon, over-parenting can result in such unwelcomed developments as lack of problem-solving skills and self-esteem in children. Some children might become so dependent on parents that they would require ‘helicoptering’ well into their college and beyond, while others might simply rebel against the tight grip of their parents, as they get older.

What are helicopter parents like? Here are some key characteristics:

  • Obsession with their children’s education, safety and extracurricular activities;
  • Over programming the lives of their children, allowing them no free time for playing and exploring on their own;
  • Inability to tolerate that their children might have painful or negative experiences;
  • Conviction that their children can be happy only by proceeding through their lives smoothly, and that it is the duty of parents to facilitate it.

As well-meaning parents, we all have the innate wish to protect and provide for our children. However, at some point, we should ask ourselves whether we are doing too much for them. Here are some healthy ways of slowing down the propellers and avoiding the trap of over-parenting:

  • Let your children deal with their own problems. Often, in an attempt to save children from negative experiences, parents swoop in and fix the problems kids are facing. By dealing with their own problems, children become stronger. Making poor decisions and learning from natural consequences will help them make right decisions in future.
  • Do not overprotect your children. While parents should provide a reasonably safety environment for their children, overprotecting can prove to be counterproductive. Knees will get scratched and the cricket game will have only one winning team. Life holds many valuable lessons to be learned.
  • Let your children take risks – within reason. Kids are able to handle more than we think. If the situation at hand has acceptable risk level, let your kids face it head on; however, stand by and be ready to jump in if the potential damage exceeds the lesson to be learned.
  • Talk it through. Leave the fix-it practice; instead, teach your children to address problems themselves. Coach them on peer relationship problems or academic issues and allow your kids to mature by experiencing the full range of emotions.
  • Encourage your children to try. No amazing adventures or great discoveries have happened without some anxiety and fear in the background. When your children face something scary, put a positive smile on your face and encourage them to try it, instead of empathizing and allowing them to back out of it.

Slowing down the propellers and giving the children space might not be easy. Today’s society loves high achievers and believes in pressure-cooking success. It’s time for human parents to get back to the basics and learn confidence from the instincts of mama-bird, who knows just the right time to kick the babies out of the nest.

Rules of writing a “Will” in Islam


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We need to educate ourselves with the compulsory rules of writing a “will” in Islam.  The topic is huge, but I will try to be as brief as possible. If Allah (swt) wills.

  1. Allah’s (swt) prescription for the six

Allah (swt) has decided our will for six relationships- husband, wife, son, daughter, brother and sister. We “cannot” write anything for these relationships in our will. They will get what is written for them in the Quran.

  1. Charity in the will

Similarly, we cannot leave in charity more than “1/3” of our wealth. Remaining is the right of the above mentioned six relations.  Charity is recommended to be done within the lifetime.  Once we leave this world, we can part 1/3 of our wealth for charity.

  1. Remain just to daughters and wives

Sadly, daughters and wives do not receive their rightful shares from the inheritance. Allah (swt) has taken our right to make any changes in the will He has made for the above six relationships.

Anyone, changing Allah’s (swt) decision, shall be answerable to Him in the hereafter.

  1. Will vs. gift

Will and gift are different. Anything given when one is alive is a gift. All children must be given equal amount of gifts under Islam.

There is a narration of a Hadeeth by Al-Nu’man ibn Basheer, where he said that his father brought him to the Prophet (sa), when he gave him a gift, to ask the Prophet (Allah (sa) to bear witness to it. The Prophet (sa) asked: “Have you given something similar to all your children?” He said: “No.” He said: “Then take it back.” Then he said: “Fear Allah (swt) and treat your children fairly.”(Bukhari)

Allah (swt) has stressed again and again to divide the wealth after settling debts. Once the debts are settled, whatever is left, can be divided amongst the six relationships according to what is ordered in the Quran.

A person has authority of writing a will for 1/3 part or less from his wealth only.

  1. The Will formula

Formula:  Wealth – Debts – (Charity, if written in the will to the extent of 1/3 of the total amount left) OR (anyone can be given 1/3 of the total wealth if it is in the will. Relatives, needy and poor are recommended) = Wealth remaining for distribution among husband, wife, son, daughter, brother and sister.

  1. Distribution of wealth- in the light of Quran

With regard to the distribution of personal belongings, we do not have the right to state how they should be distributed after we die, because the share of each heir has been defined by Allah (swt), and He has explained who inherits and who does not inherit.

So, it is not permitted for any person to transgress the limits set by Allah (swt), because Allah (swt) has warned against doing that.

Allah (swt) says in Surah An-Nisa (interpretation of the meaning),

“Allah (swt) commands you as regards your children’s (inheritance): to the male, a portion equal to that of two females; if (there are) only daughters, two or more, their share is two-thirds of the inheritance; if only one, her share is a half. For parents, a sixth share of inheritance to each if the deceased left children; if no children, and the parents are the (only) heirs, the mother has a third; if the deceased left brothers or (sisters), the mother has a sixth. (The distribution in all cases is) after the payment of legacies he may have bequeathed or debts. You know not which of them, whether your parents or your children, are nearest to you in benefit; (these fixed shares) are ordained by Allah (swt). And Allah (swt)is Ever All‑Knower, All‑Wise.

In that which your wives leave, your share is a half if they have no child; but if they leave a child, you get a fourth of that which they leave after payment of legacies that they may have bequeathed or debts. In that which you leave, their (your wives) share is a fourth if you leave no child; but if you leave a child, they get an eighth of that which you leave after payment of legacies that you may have bequeathed or debts. If the man or woman whose inheritance is in question has left neither ascendants nor descendants, but has left a brother or a sister, each one of the two gets a sixth; but if more than two, they share in a third, after payment of legacies he (or she) may have bequeathed or debts, so that no loss is caused (to anyone). This is a Commandment from Allah (swt); and Allah (swt)is Ever All‑Knowing, Most‑Forbearing.

These are the limits (set by) Allah (swt)(or ordainments as regards laws of inheritance), and whosoever obeys Allah (swt)and His Messenger (Muhammad sa) will be admitted to Gardens under which rivers flow (in Paradise), to abide therein, and that will be the great success.

And whosoever disobeys Allah (swt) and His Messenger (Muhammad sa), and transgresses His limits, He will cast him into the Fire, to abide therein; and he shall have a disgraceful torment.” (An-Nisa 4:11-14)

  1. Wealth to nieces and nephews

There is no reason why we should not give our nephews and nieces whatever we want of our wealth whilst we are alive. As they are not our own children, we are not obliged to give to them all equally. We can give gifts to those whom we love, and to whoever we wish; or to whoever among them is in need according to his or her need. Try to give to those who are religiously committed in ways that will help them to obey Allah (swt). It is also permitted to leave to them one-third, or less of your wealth- so long as they are not your heirs.

  1. Alteration of the deceased will

It is permissible to alter a will by the heirs- only if- it is made against Allah’s (swt) orders, with the intent to protect the deceased from Allah’s (swt) wrath. Similarly, it is a great sin to alter a will for personal gains. It is a great sin to deprive anyone of his/her share of the will.

And Allah (swt) knows best.




Girls’ tales: I want to marry but….”

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Observing the struggles of young girls with pre and post marital life, I was forced to search the reasons of their constant strife.


  • Why marriage is such a pain in neck for the parents of girls?
  • And why unmarried girls who are in the perfect age to marry, or have crossed the perfect age, those who could not marry at all, or divorced women, have to live their lives in constant agony?
  • Does Islam enforce this ruling that a girl be married at a younger age- even if she does not find a suitable match?
  • Does Islam call for suppression of women through marriage?
  • Is it only the girl who has to be blamed if she is found guilty of hating, or being disobedient to her husband?

Let me explain you one thing before we move on to find answers to these questions; and the duty of the parents regarding this issue is that we should understand that Islam and Muslim culture are very distinct entities.


Islam is our religion, our belief, but Muslim culture is what we practice in our day to day life.

We Muslims, often confuse religion with our regional cultures- because somehow Islam is considered to be integrated deep in our lives- which on profound insight can reveal that Muslim culture is very different from Islam.


The core issue is that girls are mostly brought up in a way where their hymens are considered much more precious than they themselves. They are to be married as soon as possible so that parents can be acquitted from this responsibility of presenting the girl with her intact virginity to her true owners. In this quest of parents, most of the girls have to face numerous problems with their individuality, faith and lives which I am daring to address here. I will try to throw light on these problems one by one highlighting the points where parents need to ponder.


Firstly, parents have to remove the generation gap, and try to understand, and accept the challenges of the modern age with a new and fresher perspective. For example- when you are trying your best to protect the virginity of your girl in this generation, the old orthodox method of keeping her locked up (metaphor) at home can yield worst results in this contemporary age.


You cannot prevent them from falling into Fitnah, but you can help them learn how to get out of it. Give them a good (not strict) spiritual environment to grow up in, and then trust them with their choices; if you truly succeeded in bringing them up well, then you will never have to struggle with them at any age.


Secondly, parents have to let their daughters attain good religious education as well as best modern education possible. Most of the girls are deprived of education, or forced in to this by cultural criterion. Hence, a girl is not appreciated by family where you will hear things like: “Why study so much when you know you will end up doing household chores after marriage?” Or “Islam gives more importance to your husband and family than your education” or in worst case, “

You are a woman; your sole purpose is to raise children.” This kind of attitude towards your daughters will only cause them to rebel (a gift of modern age).


Islam gives rights to all

Islam gives all rights to women to get education, and marry whenever and whoever she wants to. I know that you are trying your best to convince your daughters; but convincing them that Islam orders you to do so, or our culture demands this, is yielding some serious consequences; where girls- whenever in their life given a chance- try to break free from these shackles of “religio-cultural” prison.


You may find real life examples of Aminah Wadod, Ayaan Ali and many other women like them who are now questioning the genuineness of Islam.


Thirdly, parents usually don’t aim to see the compatibility of both parties before marriage. A girl, if she is crossing the age of twenty, is forced into marriage- as parents fear that no one will accept her after this because our motto of marriage is “the younger the better”. This is very frustrating for young girls as they are married usually against their will. Despite of her difficulty to accept her marriage, she is forced to comply with her husband, and in-laws- no matter what; and again people take support of Islamic rulings, and tell her to bear all what comes because Allah (swt) and His messenger (sa) asked her to be obedient to her husband, and not to go against his will.


The avalanche behind ‘I do’

In this scenario, where she is married without her consent- a marriage for which she has to repress her dreams, or even herself. And, when she finds it difficult to cope with, she is told to be patient- as Islam demands wife to be submissive to her husband. The only refuge Allah (swt) and His messenger (sa) also become cruel and unjust in her eyes.


What do you think it will result in? Only in disobedience or “heresy” for which you can find numerous examples around you- when a married girl would be found guilty of extra marital affairs, hostility towards children, self-loathing and in extreme situation, suicide.


Marriage in Islam

Marriage in Islam is a very blessed act which aims to safeguard modesty, practice intimate love in a legal way, build a strong family, and a generation who would be spiritually, mentally, and physically strong enough to uphold and implement Islam in the entire world etc. But, my question for readers is that: Is today’s Muslim marriage fulfilling its objectives? A girl as a daughter, wife, and a mother is the most important part of a family; and when, this oppression and confusion becomes a part of her life- she can’t find an escape; she just chooses to give up life, which makes a huge impact on the society as a whole. Children brought up by such a mother would be spiritually dead and will just be another blemish on the Muslim Ummah.


My advice to parents is to get out of this mesh of religious teachings, and cultural norms. Learn true principles, and objectives of Islam; and neither be victims nor victimize your children with religion brimmed with cultural beliefs; and “enter Islam completely” to shun such grim culture.


Cool Fathers, Super Sons!

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Do distinguished fathers grow out of the soil? What is the formula of extraordinary fatherhood? And how is it achieved? Here’s how it all begins.

Selection criteria for the right husband

The Prophet (sa) said: “If anyone comes to you and you’re pleased with their Deen (religious following) and Khuluq (character), marry them! If you don’t, there will be corruption and great harm on the Earth.” (Tirmidhi)

There’s no mention of the man’s academic excellence, income, bank balance, size of family, or looks – the criteria we feel is exceedingly important today when marrying off our girls.

What fills the scales of standard is a man’s comprehension and commitment to the application of his Deen; a man who stands out in terms of a lofty character, as he will have the final say in the house, establishing the same benchmark for the rest of the family. Being the Ameer (leader) of his family, he is one level above his wife; hence, besides having Taqwa (God-consciousness), he is also required to demonstrate high mannerisms.

Living by the Nikah

The Khutbah-e-Nikah (marriage sermon) states: “O you who believe! Fear Allah (by doing all that He has ordered and by abstaining from all that He has forbidden) as He should be feared. [Obey Him, be thankful to Him, and remember Him always], and die not except in a state of Islam (as Muslims) with complete submission to Allah.” (Al-Imran 3:102)

Multiple disputes can be resolved when spouses check themselves against the above command of Taqwa and complete submission to Allah (swt). This Ayah specifies what the state of a believer should be at the time of death.

“O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam) and from him (Adam) He created his wife (Hawwa) and from them both He created many men and women; and fear Allah through Whom you demand (your mutual rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship). Surely Allah is Ever an All-Watcher over you.” (An-Nisa 4:1)

This Ayah clarifies what should a believer’s relationship be with his Rabb (Lord).

“O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allah and fear Him, and speak (always) the truth. He will direct you to righteous good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whosoever obeys Allah and His messenger (sa), he has indeed achieved a great achievement.” (Al-Ahzab 33:70-71)

This Ayah demands the kind of communication a believer should have with the others. If the above three conditions are met, Allah (swt) will take care of the rest for His slave.

The role of a father

When applying their parenting skills, fathers generally refer first to common sense, next to culture, and period. How many of them ever read about their roles as fathers in the Quran and the Sunnah? Do they invest time in themselves to become improved fathers and better deliver their roles?

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