Kulsum was happily preparing dinner, when her mother-in-law stepped in and said: “Why have you made this roll? Hamza had this at your mother’s place, and he detests it like anything. You should take care of his likes; and yes, don’t make lots of chicken, it is very expensive, and I don’t have money for such lavish spending!” She finally concluded with this.
Her voice trailing off, she could hardly say ‘yes’ in low tone, pushing away the tears, as she moved to put chicken back into the freezer, her eyes giving away to her downheartedness.
Kulsum was often bombarded with filthy, hurtful words and had begun to question her own worth and self-image.
Many of us have felt this way at some point in our lives – because of a spouse, a sibling, a coworker, or any other family member/ person, from whom we cannot detach; hence, we find ourselves in a fix.
Such situations are as damaging to your psychological well-being, as cholesterol is for heart patients. A negative person will hit you hard with destructive words and sarcasm, using his/her uncanny ability to push your buttons to an extent of explosion. You will find yourself devastated, irritable and in wrath of anger – often, dealing with such feelings is like chewing more than you can digest.
You are doing harm to your own self and giving more power to the person, who can control you in any way he/she pleases – by pushing your red buttons and taking advantage of your reaction.
The following tips will help you deal with stressful situations:
- First and foremost, try to calm yourself down.
- Secondly, it is alright to have ill-feelings about your own worth and compatibility; however, you need to tell yourself on regular basis that you are capable to deal with it, without letting such feelings enter your emotional station, alter your synapses and burn your nerve cells. No one can make you feel inferior or sad, unless you allow them to do so.
- Make Dua for the person, who has caused you pain.
- Stay close to Allah (swt) by engaging in frequent remembrance of Him.
- Offer prayers regularly to sooth your nerves and to regulate your fury.
- Consider the offender as ill and try to understand the reason behind his/her negative attitude: it might be because of any underlying complex or any childhood deprivation and/or any harsh circumstance.
- Upon finding yourself in a stuck up situation, ponder over the Ayah, which states that Allah (swt) does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear; and feel yourself blessed, as Allah (swt) tests those, who are dear to Him, in order to increase their status.
May Allah (swt) grant all of us wisdom to turn the thrown lemons into lemonade and enjoy our lives to the fullest by pleasing Allah (swt) and obeying His commandments. We are only responsible for what we do. Allah (swt) is there to question the offenders and hold them accountable, if not here, then on the Day of Judgment, Insha’Allah.