Sabr and Shukr- Formula for a happy life

inna lillahThis world is full of trials and tests, and there comes a time when Sabr and Shukr is the need of the hour. As it is said in the Quran, that everyone will be tested in life- some will be tested with property and some with off springs.

Recently, I was tested by Allah (swt).  He blessed me with a beautiful daughter on 17th of June 2014 and she died the next day. It was a very hard day for me and my family. I felt that my whole world has shattered. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. As soon as a girl comes to know that she is expecting, she starts imagining about the baby being formed inside her. It was a big shock for all of us, but being Muslims we have to bow our heads in front of Allah (swt).

It is said in the Holy Quran that get patience through Salah. The thought that helped me observe Sabr was that my daughter is at a better place- in the arms of her Creator Who loves her more than me. She will be there waiting for me and my husband, and she won’t enter paradise until we have entered.

Secondly, Durud Sharif and ninety-nine names of Allah (swt) also helped me in observing Sabr. After every Salah, I thank Allah (swt) for all His blessings upon me. Also, reciting Quran daily and making Duas regularly have boosted my Sabr to a higher level. One more thing that has given me Sabr is the recitation of Inna lillahi wa inna iliahi rajioon (we all belong to Allah and to him shall we return) and that He will provide me with something better as the reward is so good.

Back in Time

sunrays11

In the times of the old,
Immorality was common to the feeble and bold.
Injustice prevailed to rich’s avail
The mystery so great, no one to unveil
These dark ages have most atrocities filled in it
With the Arabs been socked in it
Corruption sways the heart of men
To them a means to an end
They bury their female child
Mostly seen as sex object
Who is bold enough to face the penalty to object?
Men’s hearts filled with envy and grudges
With worship of different deities
Theft, murder, rape, and immoral dressing
These are norms in the society
Until a clearsign from above skies
That answers the entire why
A beam of light into the dark
That gets only white from black
To end immoralityand injustice
A messenger of the Most High
To lift to greater height
From dark to light was the change
Just believe in God was the wage
Lands of terror and fight
Became that of peace and light
Widespread were his great words

Love, peace and morals were his swords
Believe in God and act on His commands
Because that would be good deeds in our hands
So follow the way of the Prophet
His best! Who can contest?
With this great Deen he brought the solution
To all injustice and aberrations
Now, the world is going back to the old times
And everything back to the bad times
So, why not go back to his teachings?
For he has brought nothing, but good tidings
Which is the only visible way out?
Go back and emulate his example
That he left for the whole of mankind.

Discovering Your Middle Child

MiddleChildAs I was sitting on my prayer mat with hands lifted in Dua, tears were rolling on my cheeks. After performing my Isha prayer, I was begging to Allah (swt) for Sanya! My daughter Sanya (10) is the second of three siblings.

What is wrong with her? Your query is just! Have you ever come across the picture, in which a happy newborn is in the lap of her happy eldest brother, while the middle child is angrily ignoring both siblings? The caption reads: “The moment he realized, he was now the middle child!”

This middle child of mine is a problem for me. Sanya – a problem child. Should I say it for my talented daughter? Let me share my feeling about her!

Maria is twelve and Yasir is six. The eldest and youngest are quite reasonable, while Sanya always creates a problem for me. She disapproves of what is favourable to all of us. When I have to accommodate my offspring for any program, a refusal by her disturbs me, for then I have to revise my suggestion. Her argument in each matter creates a dispute. She is harsh in commenting. What and why goes wrong with her? Let me share some incidences.

Both the girls went with their aunt to a neighbour, who served fruits to eat. Maria tasted all of them pleasantly, while Sanya coiled and declined. The daughter of the host, who was a professional doctor and mother of a girl, exclaimed “That is why her (Maria’s) skin is glowing – she eats fruits.” I felt the toxicity of her remark that resulted in disturbing Sanya for weeks; but I must say she didn’t forget that negative response.

She went with me to a social gathering and was standing beside me. A girl from the guests pointed towards her eyes and said to her companion, “Look! Such beautiful eyes!” I noticed anger on Sanya’s face, which she later expressed as follows: “Look at this girl! She didn’t notice my poor health, just my eyes… the only good thing I have… she has a devil eye on them.”

I didn’t know that girl, but felt sorry about Sanya’s gesture on her comment. However, soon after that incident, Sanya’s eyesight got weak and doctor suggested wearing glasses. I am afraid she would relate it to that remark she got.

She is cross when her fellows are joyfully excited over a matter – either going on a picnic, getting the news of a teacher’s absence or getting a free period; whatever makes all laugh and enjoy, she over-reacts about it. The noise in the class makes her unhappy. When her siblings get any advantage by breaking any rule, she teases them. All these acts depict discipline in her nature, of course; but her isolation makes her more frustrated.

Surprisingly, all near and dear ones are concerned about her. What is she doing? What is her plan/schedule? Everybody wants to follow her. This concern makes her angry or maybe a little proud, I don’t understand. Being a child, she should like being cared about – why does she react negatively to all this care? It leaves me puzzled and worried. I get especially embarrassed during social interaction.

It does not mean that she has no good qualities. She is the most obedient child of mine. She gets up in the morning at my one call! She helps me with such domestic chores as washing dishes, spreading the cover, answering the calls, teaching younger brother and more. She is sharper and more confident than her sister, which satisfies me, as she can defend herself in any situation. May Allah (swt) save my children!

She has a good sense of humour. I enjoy her wittiness! She is definitely an extrovert. Then why pretend as an introvert? It confuses me! I know she has leadership qualities, because her friends and cousins try to follow her. I wish she would turn into a polite, contented girl; an expressive and determined girl, who didn’t like the society and termed its people as hypocrites. I feel helpless. I think she needs some counseling.

I was sitting on a prayer mat, thinking about how my life started with kids. Maria, the first born in both families (maternal and paternal) was a beautiful and adorable child. She gained so much love and care along with many gifts from grandparents, uncles and aunties!

Sanya, born just 18-eighteen months after Maria, was totally different from her sister. As she grew up, everybody noticed she was more active, expressive and creative. Her learning was pronounced. She started reciting poems at a very early stage.

At the age of four, she was admitted to school. It is a big change for a child, but for her it was harder, as she missed her first week of school because of her sickness. Plus I was in hospital, as my son was born. Although I am not a psychologist, but as a mom I realized that her absence in the first week of school did not allow her to interact properly with teacher and fellows. My assumption could be wrong, but the reality is that she had a class of nearly forty hyper students; when they cried, she coiled.

Today, at each PTM (parent-teacher meeting), teachers complain about her lack of interest in class. But the fact is that she is never given a chance in co-curricular activities. She is a good writer. She expresses her thoughts eloquently through her writing. In the last PTM, I complained to the teacher about her ignorance towards Sanya: “Many of her compositions have been published in different magazines.” In a lighter mode, I told her that “in future, when she becomes a famous writer, you would say she was your student; but now, you do not even acknowledge her for her skill. This is her last year with you – she will be moving on to secondary class. Kindly, take notice and cooperate.” The teacher was surprised and promised to look into the matter. But unfortunately, when next day she was shown the magazines, she remarked, “These are published due to her grandfather!” It dimmed Sanya’s delight, and the worst was that teacher lost all the magazines having the record of her compositions! Due to all this, Sanya got upset, which affected her health.

Recently, she misbehaved with me at the time of supper. I was hurt, so was praying about her. I know she has a remarkable personality, but how can I make an ease for her? I cry and feel that Allah (swt) is answering me:

“I gifted you a unique creature of mine! Would you thank me?” Oh yes, I take the challenge, trying to stand up. Then somebody came and put her head on my lap: “Mama, sorry – I have taken bread with curd.” She was crying. I hugged her. She was Sanya, my little angel. I kissed her shining eyes and wet cheeks. I have to handle her with the care she deserves.

A Blessing in Disguise – Your True BFF!

niceI left the room and saw her anxiously waiting for me in the hallway. She grabbed my arm and hastily led me into an empty classroom, next to the room where I had just finished delivering a talk to a group of teenagers. She quickly closed the door and started explaining.

“I have been meaning to talk to you… I have a request.” she said, suppressing her overwhelming emotions. “Can you talk to the girls about the importance of the ‘mother and daughter’ relationship?” Fighting back her tears, she struggled to speak. “You know… we were very close… me and my daughter… we were friends… best friends… but now she has become indifferent towards me and doesn’t want to share anything… I don’t know why, I’ve tried everything… I can’t seem to reach her.” Saying this, she burst into tears.

This was one of many heart wrenching incidents that I have come across, where parents feel a drastic tear between them and their children. The most evident, expressive and apparent relationship is between a mother and her daughter. This mostly starts off as a bond between the two, but due to various reasons it weakens, breaks or in some cases is destroyed.

I have been a firsthand witness to relations that had gone through a complicated phase in life, because this important connection was missing from their lives. However, the consequences vary from situation to situation. Therefore, one cannot place a finger on the core problem and cover it under a blanket statement.

Nevertheless, there is no problem, for which Allah (swt) has not given a solution. First, we need to understand what the problem is. Second, we need to ask ourselves, if we consider it worth solving. Third, if yes, then how do we solve it?  Because sweeping it under the carpet would mean knowingly marching towards destruction.

Essence of a Relationship

Why do we have relationships? To feel worthwhile, to be nurtured, loved and cared for. What do we want from a relationship? Primarily, a firm relationship rests on the foundations of respect, trust, love, confidence and support.

Generally, the relationship that fits the above mentioned criteria is experienced between friends. Friendship is the only relationship that we are not compelled to establish. This allows us to have a choice; thus, we carefully pick and choose like-minded people for befriending. Whoever ‘clicks’ with our personality is worthy enough to be our BFF or ‘best friend forever’ or bestie, as commonly used nowadays by youngsters.

Who is a Best Friend?

As per the general criteria, who is a ‘best’ friend? Someone, who cares the most about you, who is always there for you, regardless of the situation, conditions and circumstances; someone, who tries to understand you, who wishes the best for you and is always eager to help you; someone, who fears losing you and is there to rectify your situation, where you are prone to harm; someone, who wishes the best for you and helps you work towards it and who loves you selflessly and unconditionally. Above all, despite being aware of your shortcomings, they stick around and put up with your weaknesses, while helping you throughout your life.

Role of a Best Friend

A BFF is not the one, who expresses what you want to hear and is there to support you in whatever you do, because she wishes you to be happy in life. Instead, a true bestie is the one, who says what is better for you and is there to correct you, when you go wrong, regardless of your reaction towards her. She is there to connect you to the true source of everlasting happiness, your Creator, by showing you the light amidst darkness and the positive amongst the negative. She is there to guide you to the source of all Khair, so you may rise from your misery and recognize the beauty of life.

a true bestie is the one, who says what is better for you and is there to correct you, when you go wrong, regardless of your reaction towards her.

Who, in your opinion, truly comes up to the criteria of being your bestie? Before your mind starts scrolling down the list of your friends to pick the most worthy out of them all, let me give you a hint that this best friend of yours is someone, who lives somewhere in the background of your life – your mother.

She is the one, who has been and probably still is doing all  and more for you, just to put a smile on your face. She in reality is that ‘insignificant’ friend, who is ready to trade the world to purchase everlasting happiness for you, if she could.

Remember the last time you felt despair, and how things took a U-turn, and it all worked out in the end. It was because of this friend’s secret pleas and Duas that did wonders. It was not because your ‘best’ friend at school or college listened and agreed with your complaints about the whole situation that helped you strive through – it was this ‘insignificant’ friend, who found ways to make it happen (by the will of Allah (swt)).

She in reality is that ‘insignificant’ friend, who is ready to trade the world to purchase everlasting happiness for you, if she could.

Instead of lending her shoulder for you to cry on, she was there to help you regain your strength, so that you may never feel the need to cry in front of anyone, except your Creator.

Remember the times, when she tries to approach you and you give her a deaf ear, assuming her concern to be an irritating lecture. How you coldly switch off even before she has offered any advice, because you have conditioned yourself to believe that no matter what she says, it has to be against you; just because you think that she does not understand you. While giving others an opportunity to express their opinions and showing your respect for what they believe in, did you show a little compassion towards her views, opinions and beliefs?

Being your un-acknowledged but true best friend, she does not only overlook your indifferent behaviour towards her, she empathizes and justifies it for you. She wishes that you stay happy not only in Dunya but in Akhirah, and such a friend is a blessing that is there to escort you to Jannah, Bi izn Allah.

 

Practical Steps to Become a Productive Muslimah

productivity1Before I begin, I would like to confess that I am a striving Muslimah myself like anyone of you. Therefore all these reminders are for me and you both.

I pray to Allah (swt) that we all become firm in our faith, steadfast on the straight path and gain the reward as promised by Him.

1. Gain knowledge

Being a mother, wife, daughter and a homemaker, all at the same time is not that easy as we all know. But as a Muslimah we have a responsibility towards our Deen. Serving our Deen is the basic purpose of our life. In this regard, seeking knowledge takes the first position. Without knowledge, we won’t know what to do and how to do for the sake of Allah (swt).

The Prophet Muhammad (sa) said: “The seeking of knowledge is obligatory for every Muslim.” (at-Tirmidhi)

2. Learn It, Be it!

Whatever we learn or understand, whether it is a verse of the Quran, a Hadeeth or any Dua, we should make sure that we start applying it in our daily life.

Once we start observing them, they become a part of our habit and eventually our character.

3. Get smart via smart phones

The big question is how to manage time for learning while juggling between household chores, kids and other responsibilities.

Almost all of us own smart phones and there are lots of beneficial apps available from which we can benefit. Listening to Islamic lectures widens our thoughts and hearts. Play them while cleaning, cooking, nursing your baby etc. so that you use your time in a productive way.

4. Some verses a day keep the devil away!

Use some time of the day, especially when the kids are sleeping, to go through the verses of the Quran so that we are able to concentrate more.

5. Sharing is gaining

We are obliged to share the knowledge Allah (swt) has provided us with, which has become very much easier in this age of technology. We can adopt our own ways to share what we learn. But, not to forget, every small deed should start from home. We should never consider ourselves superior to the other.

6. Serving the family

Doing even the smallest chores at home with the intention of seeking Allah (swt) pleasure will make them fruitful, even making a cup of tea for your hubby.

7. Long-lasting impression on the little brains

Use your creativity to instil Islamic values into the little minds of your children. Simply remind them that their family, toys, dresses are all signs of Allah’s (swt) love, this can be understood even by a toddler.

To conclude, living a life as a productive Muslimah or at least trying to be one, will remind people around you about Islam and it might benefit them as well. All our actions are solely based on our intention as per Hadeeth. Therefore we should strive for good only to please Allah (swt) alone. Keeping our hearts, as clean as possible, is a quality of a Muslimah for “Allah (swt) does not look at your appearance or your possessions; but He looks at your heart and your deeds.” (Muslim)

In the end, don’t forget to keep making Dua, not just for yourself but for others as well.

Fatimah bint Muhammad

cherry-blossom-pink-flowers-3Fatimah (ra) was the fifth child of Muhammad (sa) and Khadijah (ra). She was born at a time when her noble father had begun to spend long periods in the solitude of mountains around Makkah, meditating and reflecting on the great mysteries of creation.

This was the time, before the Bi‘thah, when her eldest sister Zaynab (ra) was married to her cousin, al-’As ibn ar-Rabi’ah. Then followed the marriage of her two other sisters, Ruqayyah and Umm Kulthum (ra), to the sons of Abu Lahab, a paternal uncle of the Prophet (sa). Both Abu Lahab and his wife Umm Jamil turned out to be flaming enemies of the Prophet from the very beginning of his public mission.

Little Fatimah (ra) thus saw her sisters leave home one after the other to live with their husbands. She was too young to understand the meaning of marriage and the reasons why her sisters had to leave home. She loved them dearly and was sad and lonely when they left. It is said that a certain silence and painful sadness came over her then.

Of course, even after the marriage of her sisters, she was not alone in the house of her parents. Barakah, the maid-servant of Aminah, the Prophet’s mother, who had been with the Prophet (sa) since his birth, Zayd ibn Harithah, and ‘Ali (ra), the young son of Abu Talib were all part of Muhammad’s household at this time. And of course there was her loving mother, the lady Khadijah (ra).

In her mother and in Barakah, Fatimah (ra) found a great deal of solace and comfort. In ‘Ali (ra), who was about four years older than her, she found a “brother” and a friend who somehow took the place of her own brother al-Qasim who had died in his infancy. Her other brother ‘Abdullah, known as the Good and the Pure, who was born after her, also died in his infancy. However, in none of the people in her father’s household did Fatimah (ra) find the carefree joy and happiness which she enjoyed with her sisters. She was an unusually sensitive child for her age.

When she was five, she heard that her father had become Rasul Allah, the Messenger of Allah. His first task was to convey the good news of Islam to his family and close relations. They were to worship God Almighty alone. Her mother, who was a tower of strength and support, explained to Fatimah (ra) what her father had to do. From this time on, she became more closely attached to him and felt a deep and abiding love for him. Often she would be at his side walking through the narrow streets and alleys of Makkah, visiting the Kabah or attending secret gatherings of the early Muslims who had accepted Islam and pledged allegiance to the Prophet (ra).

One day, when she was not yet ten, she accompanied her father to the Masjid al-Haram. He stood in the place known as Al-Hijr facing the Kabah and began to pray. Fatimah (ra) stood at his side. A group of Quraish, by no means well-disposed to the Prophet (sa), gathered about him. They included Abu Jahl ibn Hisham, the Prophet’s uncle. ‘Uqbah ibn Abi Mu’ayt, Umayyah ibn Khalaf and Shaybah and ‘Utbah, Sons of ar-Rabi’ah. Menacingly, the group went up to the Prophet (sa) and Abu Jahl, the ringleader asked:
“Which of you can bring the entrails of a slaughtered animal and throw it on Muhammad?”

‘Uqbah ibn Abi Mu’ayt, one of the vilest of the lot, volunteered and hurried off. He returned with the obnoxious filth and threw it on the shoulders of the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, while he was still prostrating. ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud, a companion of the Prophet (ra), was present but he was powerless to do or say anything.

Imagine the feelings of Fatimah (ra) as she saw her father being treated in this fashion. What could she, a girl not ten years old, do? She went up to her father and removed the offensive matter and then stood firmly and angrily before the group of Qurayish thugs and lashed out against them. Not a single word did they say to her.

The noble Prophet (sa) raised his head on completion of the prostration and went on to complete the Salat. He then said: “O Lord, may you punish the Quraysh!” and repeated this imprecation three times. Then he continued: “May You punish ‘Utbah, ‘Uqbah, Abu Jahl and Shaybah.” (These whom he named all perished many years later at the Battle of Badr.)

On another occasion, Fatimah (ra) was with the Prophet (sa) as he made Tawaf around the Ka’bah. A Quraish mob gathered around him. They seized him and tried to strangle him with his own clothes. Fatimah (ra) screamed and shouted for help. Abu Bakr (ra) rushed to the scene and managed to free the Prophet (sa). While he was doing so, he pleaded:
“Would you kill a man who says. ‘Mv Lord is Allah?”

Far from giving up, the mob turned on Abu Bakr (ra) and began beating him until blood flowed from his head and face.

Such scenes of vicious opposition and harassment against her father and the early Muslims were witnessed by the young Fatimah (ra). She did not meekly stand aside but joined in the struggle in defence of her father and his noble mission. She was still a young girl and instead of the cheerful romping, the gaiety and liveliness which children of her age are and should normally was accustomed to, Fatimah (ra) had to witness and participated in such ordeals.

Of course, she was not alone in this. The whole of the Prophet’s family suffered from the mindless violence of the disbelieving Quraish. Her sisters, Ruqayyah and Umm Kulthum (ra), also suffered. They were living at this time in the very nest of hatred and intrigue against the Prophet (sa). Their husbands were ‘Utbah and Utaybah, sons of Abu Lahab and Umm Jamil. Umm Jamil was known to be a hard and harsh woman who had a sharp and evil tongue. It was mainly because of her that Khadijah (ra) was not pleased with the marriages of her daughters to Umm Jamil’s sons in the first place. It must have been painful for Ruqayyah and Umm Kulthum (ra) to be living in the household of such inveterate enemies who not only joined but led the campaign against their father.

As a mark of disgrace to Muhammad (sa) and his family, ‘Utbah and ‘Utaybah were prevailed upon by their parents to divorce their wives. This was part of the process of ostracizing the Prophet (sa) totally. The Prophet (sa) in fact welcomed his daughters back to his home with joy, happiness and relief.

Fatimah (ra), no doubt, must have been happy to be with her sisters once again. They all wished that their eldest sister, Zaynab (ra), would also be divorced by her husband. In fact, the Quraish brought pressure on Abu-al ‘As to do so but he refused. When the Quraish leaders came up to him and promised him the richest and most beautiful woman as a wife should he divorce Zaynab (ra), he replied:
“I love my wife deeply and passionately and I have a great and high esteem for her father even though I have not entered the religion of Islam.”

Both Ruqayyah and Umm Kulthum (ra) were happy to be back with their loving parents and to be rid of the unbearable mental torture to which they had been subjected in the house of Umm Jamil. Shortly afterwards, Ruqayyah (ra) married again, to the young and shy ‘Uthman ibn ‘Affan who was among the first to have accepted Islam. They both left for Abyssinia among the first Muhajirin who sought refuge in that land and stayed there for several years. Fatimah was not to see Ruqayyah again until after their mother had died.

The persecution of the Prophet (sa), his family and his followers continued and even became worse after the migration of the first Muslims to Abyssinia. In about the seventh year of his mission, the Prophet (sa) and his family were forced to leave their homes and seek refuge in a rugged little valley enclosed by hills on all -sides and which could only be entered from Makkah by a narrow defile.

To this arid valley, Muhammad (sa) and the clans of Banu Hashim and al-Muttalib were forced to retire with limited supplies of food. Fatimah (ra) was one of the youngest members of the clans – just about twelve years old – and had to undergo months of hardship and suffering. The wailing of hungry children and women in the valley could be heard from Makkah. The Quraish allowed no food and contact with the Muslims whose hardship was only relieved somewhat during the season of pilgrimage.

The boycott lasted for three years. When it was lifted, the Prophet (sa) had to face even more trials and difficulties. Khadijah (ra), the faithful and loving, died shortly afterwards. With her death, the Prophet (sa) and his family lost one of the greatest sources of comfort and strength which had sustained them through the difficult period. The year in which the noble Khadijah (ra) and later Abu Talib died is known as the Year of Sadness. Fatimah (ra), now a young lady, was greatly distressed by her mother’s death. She wept bitterly and for some time was so grief-stricken that her health deteriorated. It was even feared she might die of grief.

Although her older sister, Umm Kulthum (ra), stayed in the same household, Fatimah (ra) realized that she now had a greater responsibility with the passing away of her mother. She felt that she had to give even greater support to her father. With loving tenderness, she devoted herself to looking after his needs. So concerned was she for his welfare that she came to be called “Umm Abi-ha” – the mother of her father”. She also provided him with solace and comfort during times of trial, difficulty and crisis.
Often the trials were too much for her. Once, about this time, an insolent mob heaped dust and earth upon his gracious head. As he entered his home, Fatimah wept profusely as she wiped the dust from her father’s head.

“Do not cry, my daughter,” he said, “for Allah shall protect your father.” The Prophet had a special love for Fatimah. He once said:

“Whoever pleased Fatimah has indeed pleased Allah and whoever has caused her to be angry has indeed angered Allah. Fatimah is a part of me. Whatever pleases her pleases me and whatever angers her angers me.”

He also said: “The best women in the entire world are four: the Virgin Mary, Asiya the wife of Pharoah, Khadijah Mother of the Believers, and Fatimah, daughter of Muhammad.” Fatimah thus acquired a place of love and esteem in the Prophet’s heart that was only occupied by his wife Khadijah.

Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, was given the title of “az-Zahra” which means “the Resplendent One”. That was because of her beaming face which seemed to radiate light. It is said that when she stood for Prayer, the Mihrab would reflect the light of her countenance. She was also called “al-Batul” because of her purity and asceticism. Instead of spending her time in the company of women, much of her time would be spent in Salat, in reading the Qur’an and in other acts of Ibadah.

Fatimah (ra) had a strong resemblance to her father, the Messenger of Allah. ‘A’ishah (ra), the wife of the Prophet, said of her:

“I have not seen any one of Allah’s creation resemble the Messenger of Allah more in speech, conversation and manner of sitting than Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with her. When the Prophet saw her approaching, he would welcome her, stand up and kiss her, take her by the hand and sit her down in the place where he was sitting.” She would do the same when the Prophet came to her. She would stand up and welcome him with joy and kiss him.

Fatimah’s (ra) fine manners and gentle speech were part of her lovely and endearing personality. She was especially kind to poor and indigent folk and would often give all the food she had to those in need even if she herself remained hungry. She had neither craving for the ornaments of this world nor the luxury and comforts of life. She lived simply, although on occasion as we shall see circumstances seemed to be too much and too difficult for her.

She inherited from her father a persuasive eloquence that was rooted in wisdom. When she spoke, people would often be moved to tears. She had the ability and the sincerity to stir the emotions, move people to tears and fill their hearts with praise and gratitude to Allah for His grace and His inestimable bounties.

Fatimah (ra) migrated to Madinah a few weeks after the Prophet did. She went with Zayd ibn Harithah who was sent by the Prophet back to Makkah to bring the rest of his family. The party included Fatimah and Umm Kulthum, Sawda’, the Prophet’s wife, Zayd’s wife Barakah and her son Usamah. Traveling with the group also were ‘Abdullah the son of Abu Bakr who accompanied his mother and his sisters, ‘A’ishah and Asma’ (ra).

In Madinah, Fatimah (ra) lived with her father in the simple dwelling he had built adjoining the mosque. In the second year after the Hijrah, she received proposals of marriage through her father, two of which were turned down. Then Ali (ra), the son of Abu Talib, plucked up courage and went to the Prophet (sa) to ask for her hand in marriage. In the presence of the Prophet (sa), however, Ali (ra) became over-awed and tongue-tied. He stared at the ground and could not say anything. The Prophet (sa) then asked:
“Why have you come? Do you need something?” Ali (ra) still could not speak and then the Prophet (sa) suggested: “Perhaps you have come to propose marriage to Fatimah.” “Yes.” replied Ali (ra).

At this, according to one report, the Prophet (sa) said simply: “Marhaban wa ahlan — Welcome into the family,” and this was taken by ‘Ali (ra) and a group of Ansar who were waiting outside for him as indicating the Prophet’s (sa) approval. Another report indicated that the Prophet (sa) approved and went on to ask ‘Ali (ra) if he had anything to give as Mahr. ‘Ali replied that he didn’t. The Prophet (sa) reminded him that he had a shield which could be sold.

Ali sold the shield to ‘Uthman for four hundred dirhams and as he was hurrying back to the Prophet to hand over the sum as mahr, Uthman stopped him and said: “I am returning your shield to you as a present from me on your marriage to Fatimah.”

Fatimah and Ali (ra) were thus married most probably at the beginning of the second year after the Hijrah. She was about nineteen years old at the time and ‘Ali was about twenty one. The Prophet (sa) himself performed the marriage ceremony. At the Walima, the guests were served with dates, figs and Hais (a mixture of dates and butter fat). A leading member of the Ansar donated a ram and others made offerings of grain. All of Madinah rejoiced.

On her marriage, the Prophet (sa) is said to have presented Fatimah and ‘Ali (ra) with a wooden bed intertwined with palm leaves, a velvet coverlet, a leather cushion filled with the leaves of the Idhkhir plant, a sheepskin, a pot, a waterskin and a quern for grinding grain.

Fatimah (ra) left the home of her beloved father for the first time to begin life with her husband. The Prophet (sa) was clearly anxious on her account and sent Barakah with her should she be in need of any help. And no doubt Barakah was a source of comfort and solace to her. The Prophet (sa) prayed for them: “O Lord, bless them both, bless their house and bless their offspring.”

In Ali’s (ra) humble dwelling, there was only a sheepskin for a bed. In the morning after the wedding night, the Prophet (sa) went to Ali’s (ra) house and knocked on the door. Barakah came out and the Prophet (sa) said to her: “O Umm Ayman, call my brother for me.”

“Your brother? That’s the one who married your daughter?” asked Barakah somewhat incredulously as if to say: Why should the Prophet (sa) call Ali (ra) his “brother”?
(He referred to Ali (ra) as his brother because just as pairs of Muslims were joined in brotherhood after the Hijrah, so the Prophet (sa) and Ali (ra) were linked as “brothers”.)

The Prophet (sa) repeated what he had said in a louder voice. Ali (ra) came and the Prophet (sa) made a Dua, invoking the blessings of Allah on him. Then he asked for Fatimah (ra). She came almost cringing with a mixture of awe and shyness and the Prophet (ra) said to her: “I have married you to the dearest of my family to me.” In this way, he sought to reassure her. She was not starting life with a complete stranger but with one who had grown up in the same household, who was among the first to become a Muslim at a tender age, who was known for his courage, bravery and virtue, and whom the Prophet described as his “brother in this world and the hereafter”.

Fatimah’s life with Ali (ra) was as simple and frugal as it was in her father’s household. In fact, so far as material comforts were concerned, it was a life of hardship and deprivation. Throughout their life together, Ali (ra) remained poor because he did not set great store by material wealth. Fatimah was the only one of her sisters who was not married to a wealthy man.

In fact, it could be said that Fatimah’s life with Ali (ra) was even more rigorous than life in her father’s home. At least before marriage, there were always a number of ready helping hands in the Prophet’s (sa) household. But now she had to cope virtually on her own. To relieve their extreme poverty, ‘Ali (ra) worked as a drawer and carrier of water and she as a grinder of corn. One day she said to ‘Ali (ra): “I have ground until my hands are blistered.” “I have drawn water until I have pains in my chest,” said ‘Ali (ra) and went on to suggest to Fatimah (ra): “Allah has given your father some captives of war, so go and ask him to give you a servant.” Reluctantly, she went to the Prophet (sa) who said: “What has brought you here, my little daughter?” “I came to give you greetings of peace.” she said, for in awe of him she could not bring herself to ask what she had intended. “What did you do?” asked Ali (ra) when she returned alone. “I was ashamed to ask him,” she said.

So the two of them went together but the Prophet (sa) felt they were less in need than others. “I will not give to you,” he said, “and let the Ahl as-Suffah (poor Muslims who stayed in the mosque) be tormented with hunger. I have not enough for their keep…’’ Ali and Fatimah (ra) returned home feeling somewhat dejected but that night, after they had gone to bed, they heard the voice of the Prophet (sa) asking permission to enter. Welcoming him, they both rose to their feet, but he told them: “Stay where you are,” and sat down beside them. “Shall I not tell you of something better than that which you asked of me?” he asked and when they said yes he said: “Words which Jibrael taught me, that you should say “Subhan’Allah – Glory be to Allah” ten times after every Prayer, and ten times “Alhamdulillah- Praise be to Allah.” and ten times “Allahu Akbar – Allah is Great.” And that when you go to bed you should say them thirty-three times each.”

Ali (ra) used to say in later years: ‘I have never once failed to say them since the Messenger of Allah taught them to us.”

There are many reports of the hard and difficult times which Fatimah (ra) had to face. Often there was no food in her house. Once the Prophet (sa) was hungry, he went to one after another of his wives’ apartments but there was no food. He then went to Fatimah’s (ra) house and she had no food either. When he eventually got some food, he sent two loaves and a piece of meat to Fatimah (ra). At another time, he went to the house of Abu Ayyub al-Ansari and from the food he was given, he saved some for her. Fatimah (ra) also knew that the Prophet (sa) was without food for long periods and she in turn would take food to him when she could. Once she took a piece of barley bread and he said to her:
“This is the first food your father has eaten for three days.”

Through these acts of kindness she showed how much she loved her father; and he loved her, really loved her in return.

Once he returned from a journey outside Madinah. He sent to the mosque first of all and prayed two Rakats as was his custom. Then, as he often did, he went to Fatimah’s (ra) house before going to his wives. Fatimah (ra) welcomed him and kissed his face, his mouth and his eyes and cried. “Why do you cry’?” the Prophet (sa) asked. “I see you, O Rasul Allah.” she said. “Your color is pale and sallow and your clothes have become worn and shabby.”

“O Fatimah,” the Prophet (sa) replied tenderly. “Don’t cry for Allah has sent your father with a mission which He would cause to affect every house on the face of the earth whether it be in towns, villages or tents (in the desert) bringing either glory or humiliation until this mission is fulfilled just as night (inevitably) comes.” With such comments Fatimah (ra) was often taken from the harsh realities of daily life to get a glimpse of the vast and far-reaching vistas opened up by the mission entrusted to her noble father.

Fatimah (ra) eventually returned to live in a house close to that of the Prophet (sa). The place was donated by an Ansari who knew that the Prophet (sa) would rejoice in having his daughter as his neighbour. Together they shared in the joys and the triumphs, the sorrows and the hardships of the crowded and momentous Madinah days and years.

In the middle of the second year after the Hijrah, her sister Ruqayyah (ra) fell ill with fever and measles. This was shortly before the great campaign of Badr. Uthman (ra), her husband, stayed by her bedside and missed the campaign. Ruqayyah (ra) died just before her father returned. On his return to Madinah, one of the first acts of the Prophet (sa) was to visit her grave.

Fatimah (ra) went with him. This was the first bereavement they had suffered within their closest family since the death of Khadijah (ra). Fatimah (ra) was greatly distressed by the loss of her sister. The tears poured from her eyes as she sat beside her father at the edge of the grave, and he comforted her and sought to dry her tears with the corner of his cloak.

The Prophet (sa) had previously spoken against lamentations for the dead, but this had led to a misunderstanding and when they returned from the cemetery the voice of ‘Umar (ra) was heard rose in anger against the women who were weeping for the martyrs of Badr and for Ruqayyah (ra).

“‘Umar, let them weep.” he said and then added: “What comes from the heart and from the eye, which is from Allah and His mercy, but what comes from the hand and from the tongue which is from Satan.” By the hand he meant the beating of breasts and the smiting of cheeks, and by the tongue he meant the loud clamour in which women often joined as a mark of public sympathy.

Uthman (ra) later married the other daughter of the Prophet (sa). Umm Kulthum (ra) and on this account came to be known as Dhu-n Nurayn – Possessor of the Two Lights.

The bereavement which the family suffered by the death of Ruqayyah (ra) was followed by happiness when, to the great joy of all the believers. Fatimah (ra) gave birth to a boy in Ramadan of the third year after the Hijrah. The Prophet (sa) spoke the words of the Adhan into the ear of the newborn babe and called him al—Hasan which means the Beautiful One.

One year later, she gave birth to another son who was called al-Husayn, which means “little Hasan” or the little beautiful one.

Fatimah (ra) would often bring her two sons to see their grandfather who was exceedingly fond of them. Later he would take them to the Mosque and they would climb unto his back when he prostrated. He did the same with his little granddaughter Uma’mah, the daughter of Zaynab (ra).

In the eighth year after the Hijrah, Fatimah (ra) gave birth to a third child, a girl whom she named after her eldest sister Zaynab (ra) who had died shortly before her birth. This Zaynab was to grow up and become famous as the “Heroine of Karbala”. Fatimah’s (ra) fourth child was born two years later. The child was also a girl and the Prophet (sa) chose for her the name Umm Kulthum after Fatimah’s (ra) sister who had died the year before after an illness.

It was only through Fatimah (ra) that the progeny of the Prophet (sa) was perpetuated. All the Prophet’s (sa) male children had died in their infancy and the two children of Zaynab (ra), named Ali and Umamah, died young. Ruqayyah’s (ra) child, ‘Abdullah, also died when he was not yet two years old. This is an added reason for the reverence which is accorded to Fatimah (ra).

Although Fatimah (ra) was so often busy with pregnancies and giving birth and rearing children, she took as much part as she could in the affairs of the growing Muslim community of Madinah. Before her marriage, she acted as a sort of hostess to the poor and destitute Ahl as Suffah. As soon as the Battle of Uhud was over, she went with other women to the battlefield and wept over the dead martyrs and took time to dress her father’s wounds. At the Battle of the Trench, she played a major supportive role together with other women in preparing food during the long and difficult siege. In the place of her camp there stands a mosque named Masjid Fatimah, one of seven mosques where the Muslims stood guard and performed their devotions.

Fatimah (ra) also accompanied the Prophet when he made Umrah in the sixth year after the Hijrah after the Treaty of Hudaybiyah. In the following year, she and her sister Umm Kulthum (ra), were among the mighty throng of Muslims who took part with the Prophet (sa) in the liberation of Makkah. It is said that on this occasion, both Fatimah and Umm Kulthum visited the home and the grave of their mother Khadijah (ra) and recalled memories of their childhood and memories of Jihad, of long struggles in the early years of the Prophet’s (sa) mission.

In Ramadan of the tenth year just before he went on his Farewell Pilgrimage, the Prophet (sa) confided to Fatimah (ra), as a secret not yet to be told to others;
“Jibrael recited the Qur’an to me and I to him once every year, but this year he has recited it with me twice. I cannot but think that my time has come.”

On his return from the Farewell Pilgrimage, the Prophet (sa) did become seriously ill. His final days were spent in the apartment of his wife ‘A’ishah (ra). When Fatimah (ra) came to visit him, ‘A’ishah (ra) would leave father and daughter together.

One day he summoned Fatimah (ra). When she came, he kissed her and whispered some words in her ear. She wept – Then again he whispered in her ear and he smiled. ‘A’ishah (ra) saw and aked:
“You cry and you laugh at the same time, Fatimah? What did the Messenger of Allah say to you?” Fatimah replied: “He first told me, that he would meet his Lord after a short while and so I cried. Then he said to me: Don’t cry for you will be the first of my household to join me.’ So I laughed.” He also said to her then: “Aren’t you pleased that you are the First Lady (Sayyidatu-n Nisa’) of this Ummah?”

Not long afterwards the noble Prophet (sa) passed away. Fatimah (ra) was grief-stricken and she would often be seen weeping profusely. One of the companions noted that he did not see Fatimah (ra), may Allah be pleased with her, laugh after the death of her father.

One morning, early in the month of Ramadan, just less than five months after her noble father had passed away; Fatimah (ra) woke up looking unusually happy and full of mirth. In the afternoon of that day, it is said that she called Salma bint Umays who was looking after her. She asked for some water and had a bath. She then put on new clothes and perfumed herself. She then asked Salma to put her bed in the courtyard of the house. With her face looking to the heavens above, she asked for her husband Ali (ra).
He was taken aback when he saw her lying in the middle of the courtyard and asked her what was wrong. She smiled and said: “I have an appointment today with the Messenger of Allaah.”

Ali (ra) cried and she tried to console him. She told him to look after their sons al-Hasan and al-Husavn and advised that she should be buried without ceremony. She then turned and faced the Qiblah, closed her eyes, and slept. It was a sleep from which she did not awake.

She, Fatimah (ra) the Resplendent One, was just 29 years old.

The Women in Your Life

Women in Your Life

  1. Centre of gravity

As a man, you must understand that every woman in your life wants herself to be the focal point of your life. This includes your caring mother, your loving wife and your affectionate sister. Give them all their share of attention and love and maintain a balance in it. It might sometimes feel like walking on a tight rope, but you will be able to nip many evils in the bud, if you can master this art of attention-giving. Chat with them, compliment them and make them feel cherished. Find out what they want to hear from you. Be expressive and warm.

  1. A bankrupt account

Too often, we are tight-lipped about matters that bother us. Learn to communicate this to your loved ones. Let the women in your life know what heightens your misery. It may include seeing discord at home, picking fights over trivial matters or expressing unnecessary criticism. Inform them that it breaks your heart when they behave in a certain manner. So the next time any one of them slips, she would know why you are upset and would not build tolerance for anti-family behaviour. When the Prophet’s (sa) wives requested him for a raise in their monthly stipend, he left them for approximately a month, as a clear indication that worldly affairs were not his priority.

  1. A place for all

As a married man, you will have to decide each and every person’s place and rights in your life. You will respect and care for your mother. You will seek her guidance, as she knows you well and is experienced about matters of life. Getting married doesn’t mean that you will not spend time with her anymore. Similarly, your wife is your trusted companion; she is the closest to you. You will shower her with love and provide for her needs. She will offer you support in ways that others can’t. In response, you will support her, especially in matters related to your own family and your kids’ upbringing. Your sisters will look up to you, if younger, or treat you like a boy, if older. You will have to love them back and be there for them, when needed. Communicate this to all the women in your life, so that none of them would try to twist your arm for dominating you.

  1. Old versus new

This is a challenge in which most men fail. At the expense of new relations, they sometimes abandon their old ones. A mother will always be a mother; no one has contributed or sacrificed what she has in raising you. As per the Prophet’s (sa) Hadeeth, she does have the greatest right over you, while you have the greatest right over your wife. As you enter into the delicate marital relationship, you will have to get to know her better and not take your marriage for granted. Above all, communicate to all parties the importance of both old and new relationships. No one will be forsaken for the other one.

  1. Apples and oranges

The last thing you want to do is draw comparisons between the women in your life. If Aisha (rtaf), the fourth highest narrator of Ahadeeth, could not bear to hear our beloved Prophet’s (sa) praise for his beloved wife Khadijah (rtaf), after the latter’s death, can our women fare any better than that? Women are insanely jealous. If you ever try to compare your mom’s recipes with your wife’s recipes (even if you are right) or vice versa, you may end up in deep trouble.