New Mommies: Beware and Prepare!

8 beware prepare

  1. Keep your energy level boosted.

Breastfeeding, sleepless nights, unexpected visitors, home chores, and tending to older kids’ needs is undoubtedly taxing. This might not be a very suitable time to crash diet or dream of fitting back into your wedding gown. Please eat nutritious home-cooked food, fruits, nuts, vegetables, and energy-boosting snacks. Keep them handy in your bedroom. An already fatigued mind and body cannot afford to starve. The outcome is frequent ailments, horrible mood swings, and strained relationships. Later, as you mature from being a new mommy to a veteran, you will manage your diet more effectively and shed the extra pounds, too.

  1. Let the Iman thrive.

A new mother has a myriad of emotions bottled up. They can whip up a storm of tears. At other times, they may send her on a guilt trip. The changing body and volatile hormones are no help either. And, of course, Shaitan strikes with full force seeding evil and negative thoughts about everyone and everything you care for. The best remedy is to play Surah Al-Baqarah daily. Keep your tongue moist with Allah’s (swt) Dhikr. Watch and listen to Islamic videos and talks for spiritual uplift. Recite to your baby, as the child is listening. After Nifas (post-partum bleeding), return to your prayers regularly. Read at least one page of Quran daily with its translation. Only Allah (swt) knows, listens to, and understands what a mother braves.

To read the rest of this article, and more, subscribe to Hiba Magazine

Expert’s opinion : Are you lucky- Does your family give you tears of joy and merry?

Qurrata Aaiyyun                                                          Image Courtesy www.imgrum.net

 

Ya Allah (swt), give us the undeserved gift! What gift?  – a gift from our wives and our husbands, and our children, give us what makes our eyes so happy that it makes us cry- Qurrata Aaiyyun  it cools our eyes.

Do you know what that means? It makes you so happy that you want to cry.

When you listen to your children recite the Quran, and they love reciting the Quran- it makes you so happy that you want to cry.

When you look at your wife, and how she is raising your children- it makes you so happy that you want to cry. When she looks at her husband, who wakes up her children for Fajr, and takes them to the Masjid- she wants to cry, she is so happy. Our husbands cry and our wives cry; but they don’t cry because they are happy… they cry for other reasons.. We are asking Allah (swt) for tears of joy – we want to be so happy with our family. But, how can we achieve that?

When you go home, every day you fight with your wife.

She asks: “Why are you so late?”

You say: “Why are you asking me? You always ask me! Don’t you know there is traffic? Look outside the window!”

This happens every single day. Then, you get so angry that when you look at the child, you are like:

“Why are you playing with the toy? Why do you look happy? We don’t have happiness here. Where is your homework?”

Child says: “I didn’t get any homework…”

“Why not? I am going to complain to your school!”

God, this is not Qurrata Aaiyyun. There are people, who come to the Masjid for Salah, which is supposed to give you peace, make you calm and settle you down. Then, they go home, and there is a tornado that walked into the house. Children hide under the bed, and the wife gets off the phone. You cannot be the reason for your family to be afraid of you!

You should be a reason for your family to be joyful, overjoyed. Children should love you, they should run to you, and hug you when you come home – that is the relationship you should have with your children.

And, while I am on this topic, twenty, thirty and forty years ago, parenting was different – now, it’s not the same. For fathers- you cannot afford to be authorities over your children, you can no longer afford that. You have to be friends and authorities with your children. Our fathers were not friends with us, they were authorities. We didn’t like nudge our dad on the back and say: “Hey dad, let’s go play some basketball; let’s go play some football!” We didn’t do that.

When Abu (Baba, or Aba Jan) came home, we sat straight and said: “Assalamu Alaikum!” You get their shoes. That was twenty or thirty years ago, but nowadays, your kids don’t do that. And they won’t! We are living in 2016, brothers and sisters! We have to accept the reality that our children are exposed to a lot of things- no matter if you are in the Muslim world, or anywhere else.

“Ahtaraam” (respect) will remain. You have to respect your parents. However, we, as parents are the only ones, who can give to our children the love of Islam. And, you will not be able to give it to them, if you are only in authority, if you only yell at them and tell them what to do- without being their friend. Every father here should know, and master the video games their children play. First of all, it’s a problem, if you let them play video games; however, if you are letting them play, and  are not stopping them- then you better be sitting there, and playing with them. Don’t watch the news – you are not going to change the world! Believe me – you have watched enough news, and nothing has changed. Listen to it in the car, don’t come home and watch TV, don’t come home and watch the news – come home and play with your kids, do homework with your kids, talk to your kids, take your kids to the Masjid-  do that with them and make your kids love you. If we, fathers, don’t do this, we will lose our next generation – I am guaranteeing you.

A well-prepared welcome to Ramadan

ramadanRamadan is just around the corner, and we are still busy in our day to day routine. Well, this article is for the “Rush- Hour personalities”; those who don’t find much time to spend on Ramadan preparation, or are lazy enough to do so. Either way, if you just start working from the first night of moon sighting, you will still be able to spend Ramadan in an effective sinless way. But firstly, we should know the significance of the first night.

Why is the first night of Ramadan important?

It is reported from Prophet (sa):“Surely Paradise is decorated the whole year for the Ramadan to come. When the first night of the Ramadan comes, a wind called “Musira” blows from the bottom of the skies. Leaves of the trees of Paradise, and the handles of Paradise doors, shake strongly; and therefore, such a nice sound is heard that listeners have never heard a more beautiful sound than that.Thus, the Hur of Paradise appear standing at the highest point of Paradise and say:“Is there anybody who wants to marry? Allah (swt) marries him.”Then Hur says: “O the keeper of Paradise! What night is tonight?”The keeper replies with respect: “Tonight is the first night of the month of Ramadan. The doors of Paradise were opened for those from the Ummah of Prophet Muhammad (sa) who observed fasting.” (At Targheeb wa’t-arheeb)

In another Hadeeth of Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah, the Prophet (sa) said: “When the first night of the month of Ramadan comes, the devils and rebellious Jinn are chained up; and the gates of Hell are closed, and not one gate of it is opened. The gates of Paradise are opened and not one gate of it is closed. And a caller cries out: ‘O seeker of good, proceed; O seeker of evil, desist. And Allah (swt) has those whom He frees from the Fire, and that happens every night.”

It is the first night where the preparation for Ramadan begins in the unseen world. Every one welcomes Ramadan. Hell is shut down and the doors of Paradise open up for the believers. The whole year before Ramadan, a believer is caught up in the tangled web of deception created by Shaytan, trying to fight his way out of it. But, he could not find time and strength to worship Allah (swt) as it should be done. The first night of Ramadan is indeed a glad tiding for the believers to revive their Iman. In the first night of Ramadan, Allah (swt) chains up the mischievous Jinn and devils to ease His servants, so that they can take complete advantage of this blessed month, and can proceed with their good deeds or worship uninterrupted.

What to do on first night of Ramadan?

1. Be grateful to Allah (swt)

The very first thing to do on this night is to thank Allah (swt) that He gave us life, and another chance to accumulate the blessings of this month. Considering the uncertainty of our lives, we should know that we might not live up to the next Ramadan. So if, Allah (swt) has chosen us to live through this Ramadan, then one should take complete advantage of this opportunity.

2. Sale on rewards- Make the most of it!

Second step is to chalk out a plan for the whole Ramadan. Plan will include the complete time table of Salah, Suhur, Aftar, Taraweeh, Quranic recitation, Nawafil (voluntarily prayers), Lailatul Qadr, Itekaf, Extra deeds (Dhikr, Tahajjud, Dua, charity, volunteer welfare work etc). Each and every minute of our day should be planned in order to avoid any time wastage or miss out the blessings of this month.

3. Avoid T.V. “The Viral”

Third step is very crucial, i.e. to lock away our usual entertainment gadgets. Television is the most common ‘Shaytan’ inhabiting our houses. Other cyber Shaytan along with television are the shield against the blessings of this month. One might say that there are several Islamic programs on T.V. regarding Ramadan, and they seem quite helpful; but trust me, they are of no use if Allah’s (swt) blessings are tossed away from your roof top. Hence, on the first night of Ramadan, shut away your television sets in your store rooms. Islamic lectures and Fiqh of fasting could either be listened in recording, or read in authentic Islamic books and magazines. If you must watch T.V. programs, or lectures regarding Ramadan, then do it all before the first night of the blessed month. And when the first night approaches, cut off all the distractions.

4. Motivate the children to do good deeds

Our fourth step includes motivating our children. First night can be the best opportunity to think through the plans of guiding and inciting the younger members of our family for Ramadan. The elders of the house should lead the younger members, and assist them in spending their time in worship and good deeds. Special attention should be given to children who have reached puberty, and it is their first month of fasting.

It might be a very hard experience for them- especially when Ramadan is in summer and the time duration of fasting has increased. Help them to recite Quran, engage them in positive activities and focus on Nawafil. If some particular child doesn’t have a habit of prayer prior to Ramadan, then help him/her in developing the habit of praying five times a day. Try not to push them hard for extra volunteer prayers, for that would scare them away even from obligatory prayers.

5. Charity is the best policy

Fifth step will be regarding Zakat and charity. As it is the month of blessings, we should try to give away as much charity as possible apart from Zakat. On the first night of Ramadan, sort out your clothes, shoes and other useful accessories that are extra than your usual need, and are in good condition, give them out in charity. Preparing Suhur and Aftar for others can also be the best charity.

6. Ramadan resolution for a big revolution

Sixth step can be very significant, where one can make a resolution, an oath to him/herself. It can either be a tiny thing or a much bigger promise depending on the stamina and level of Iman. That resolution can include the commencement of any virtue; letting go of any bad habit (sin), or taking up any good habit starting from this Ramadan till the rest of your life. One bad habit left, or one good habit added every Ramadan could lead to a revolution in one’s life. And if, every person of this Ummah starts practicing this, it can yield a much bigger result on a mass scale.

Weekends with Daddy

19 did you know

  1. Sports

This varies from simple skipping to more emotional cricket matches. We enjoy football, racing, and anything that gets the blood rushing and giggles going. Just for dads to be there rolling in the grass or competing like kids builds treasured memories for children. My 14-year-old son very proudly shared with his teacher at school: “My dad and I try to outplay each other on Sundays. I let him win. You should see his face.”

  1. Brain teasers

Board games, verbal math word problems, spellathons, Dua contests, Abacus, riddles, general knowledge trivia, science or geography quizzes, and so on. These are great when you are either on the road or cooped up at home with little to do. This is a parent’s smart way of teaching stuff without teaching it. And kids love to be able to prove their mastery over their favourite areas of knowledge and expertise. It is a big deal for them to teach their mom and dad. Our six-year-old has been giving me and my husband Qaidah lessons and enjoys it tremendously.

To read the rest of this article, and more, subscribe to Hiba Magazine

Bringing Deen in your child’s heart

quran_childThere is a good difference between teaching Deen and making your child love Deen. Teaching comes very easily; you have to instruct your children to pray, greet with peace, to be honest at all times, and to avoid all kinds of sins. They will practise it as long as they are under your supervision, but it cannot be guaranteed in your absence. In order to make them really want to do the righteous acts you have to instil love for the Deen in their hearts.
Don’t scare them with imaginary beings.

It is the most common practise in our society that, as adults, we are prone to scaring kids using imaginary beings with some horrible made-up names. It temporarily solves the problem, but in the long run, it will not do any good. First of all, it will make your child feel deceived when he or she will discover that a scary being as such never existed. Then, it will make your child think that it is alright to lie; and then, they might lie to you as well for small and big matters. Lastly, they will never get to realize the Greatness of Allah (swt).
Instead, tell them about Allah (swt), the Most Merciful, the Most Gracious. If it is about finishing their homework, tell them that since Allah (swt) has blessed them with the opportunity to study at a school, they should thank Him by finishing their school work. If you want them to finish their food, or eat a particular dish they don’t like, tell them about how Allah (swt) will be pleased if he or she eats the food Allah (swt) has blessed your family with.

Increase their trust in Allah (swt)
Increasing your children’s trust in Allah (swt) will help to make their perception about the Judgement Day, the existence of Hell and Paradise stronger. Start doing it from a very young age. Each time they are worried, tell them that Allah (swt) is with them at all times. When your children are afraid to go to school because you will not be there, let them know that even though you can’t be there, Allah (swt) will be looking after them. This makes the existence of Allah (swt) more real to children, and they start feeling protected by Allah (swt).

Make them realize their value in the sight of Allah (swt)
We all know and must believe that Allah (swt) loves each one of us more than anyone else in this world. Children will only know that when they will persistently hear from their parents. Also, for this reason, you need to avoid taunting your children about something they are not good at, or scold them unnecessarily.

Let your children know that Allah (swt) loves them more than you do or anyone else does. Make them realize the blessings Allah (swt) has showered them with. Let them know that the happiness they receive is by the blessings of Allah (swt), and that is only because they mean a lot to Allah (swt).

Don’t shun them for wrong deeds
When you catch children doing something wrong, don’t shun them or isolate them. Instead ask them to repent and rectify their mistakes. Explain to them why it is wrong to commit a sin, or to go against the commandments of Allah (swt); and that Allah (swt) is the most forgiving if they decide not to repeat their mistake.

Rewards are more effective than punishments
It is very easy to punish your children, and punishments will eventually stop your children from doing the wrong act; but better than this is to reward them for the good deeds. By rewarding, you will increase the chances of them going good deeds again.

The reward does not have to be materialistic all the time. You can juggle between rewarding with a toy, chocolate, their favourite food, reading them their favourite book, playing a game with them that they enjoy or simply encouraging them with words.

Do what you preach
‘Do what you preach’ is the most important rule that parents forget to apply when teaching their children anything. Children learn more from your actions than from your words. If you tell them that we are not supposed to lie, then you should be careful of not lying as well. If you ask them to perform the prayers on time, then they must see you doing the same.

Allow open and friendly discussions
You can only expect your children to take you seriously, if they have that trust that you are not trying to boss them- but rather, you care for them. Take some time out every day to sit and talk to your children. Let them be open enough to discuss their doubts and confusions, especially when it comes to the Deen. Do your best not to show your irritation even if you do get irritated by their questions. Of course, there always have to be this certain boundary that you will have to maintain; but, as long as, they are really serious about asking a question, you don’t have to be too hard on them.

Randomly tell them prophetic stories
I have heard this complaint from a lot of parents that their kids enjoy listening to stories; but whenever they take that opportunity to tell them Islamic tales, they quickly lose their interest, and the whole purpose of telling that story gets destroyed.

My advice is to start the story in a general manner. You don’t have use the name of the Prophet right at the start of the story. Start with telling the story and try to grasp your child’s interest with the whereabouts of the story. Whenever we are telling kids stories of the Prophets, we focus more on their names and less on the moral of the story; whereas. children are always more interested in what the story is all about. So, once you have gained the attention get to the name of the Prophet.

Introduce them to the words of Allah (swt)
Making your children learn and memorize the Quran is an excellent act. But, along with that make them understand the meaning of the verses they recite is important. Quran has covered all topics related to our lives. What could be a better way to educate your children than with the words of Allah (swt).

Instilling Deen in your child’s heart is easier said than done. But, if you do it with pure intentions, Allah (swt) is sure to help you. May Allah (swt) be pleased with all the efforts you put in to bring up a pious offspring. Ameen.

Make a wish list!

wish-listHandling kids in this technology era is not a piece of cake. We have to look after their needs and wants according to what the society has got for them. Also, greatest level of patience is required when we are opposing our children for something which is, undoubtedly, for their own betterment. Furthermore, we have to tell our children the advantages and disadvantages of technology- as one cannot escape the fact and figures around.

They come up with new ideas every day. Undoubtedly, the kids of this era are way more sagacious than we used to be at their age. Once, they start their nursery, they become more
brave and clever. These beauties with brains decide their dress codes and what they want for snack at school.

Just a few days back my son was telling me that he wants a black swimsuit like his friend and also a red water bottle. We must always listen to their demands and queries, but fulfilling each one of it is not a good idea.

Being parents, we must be careful about upbringing these precious pearls, so that they can become coolness of our eyes Insha’Allah. They should have the fear of Allah (swt) first and also the fear of parents. We should mould them in such a way that they should never hesitate in talking about their demands to us, and also ask Almighty Allah (swt) for help always. If they insist on taking a new model of x-box or a play station series or a pink laptop- don’t just hesitate or neglect their demands- rather, tell them that they have to pray to the Almighty Allah (swt) first who is seventy times more than a mother, and He knows what is best for us.

1. Ask for Allah’s (swt) help
Children should be aware of the fact that Allah (swt) is the Creator. He has created everything. All matters lie under His custody and He has the highest position. Moreover, He has absolute rights to distribute His wealth. We should always ask the Almighty for our needs and desires first
because nothing happens without His will. In the light of Ahadeeth, we can share this example that even when the shoe sole breaks, we have to ask Allah (swt) for help.
Besides this, we should also make it clear that whatever Allah (swt) decides for us is the best, and that we should not argue about it.

Parents can also tell them the Hadeeth about Dua which says that if a Dua is not fulfilled in the Dunya, Allah (swt) has got even better for you because He is Ar-Rahman.

2. Teach them right and wrong
Don’t let the children judge that you cannot fulfil their demands just because you cannot for some reasons; instead make the advantages or disadvantages clear about your decision. Tell them about the negativities about it, and that everything is good at a certain age. Also, don’t make promises; just tell them that as soon as they find it appropriate, and when the time will be right- you will try your level best to earn it.

3. Restrict their never ending list
Showering kids with lots of toys and getting all their demands fulfilled will not improve their character, rather weaken it. We should skip unnecessary demands of our children.

4. Take a look at the poor class
Very calmly just explain to your kids that a few people are even starving for the basic amenities of life. And Allah (swt) the Almighty has blessed us with a luxurious lifestyle. We should save a little bit of our pocket money to help the needy households. We can fix a specific amount to give every month which will ultimately reward us in the hereafter. This can only be done when we cut down our unnecessary expenses.

5. Count on your blessings
Allah (swt), the Almighty, has blessed us with health, wealth, family, education and so on. We ought to thank Allah (swt) for every breath we take. Hence, only listing down the things we are granted with will make us feel more thankful to our Lord.

Inculcating these habits in children will make them content in their lives; and hence, make them responsible individuals. Insha’Allah.

Every day is your Birthday!

birthdayThe hailstorm turned into a thunderstorm while I was preparing dinner. I sat on my rocking chair and grabbed a cup of tea. What an exotic combination- hot beverage and cold weather! I was absorbed in my chain of thoughts when she came in- my best-est friend. In spite of our years of friendship, we share some conflicts too, and are still struggling to resolve them and gather on the same page. There she was- lying comfortably on the comfy sofa while gazing here and there.

Me: What are you looking for?

She: Where is birdy?

Me: Must be playing outside with him.

She: Do you remember what is coming up?

Me: What?

She gave me a stern look

Me: Oh ok I get it, charity month.

She shook her head in disgrace.

She: Can you ever in your life, just once,  behave like a normal person?

Me: Now what?

She: Dumbo! Its birdy’s birthday.

Birdy was my one and only daughter born after years of anticipation and was turning one year old that month.

Me: Oh that!

She: Yes that! And, I am here to plan with you and we will throw a mind-blowing party for her.

Me: What is so good about birthday?

She: Don’t be ungrateful; after such long wait and prayers, you got her. Don’t you want to celebrate? What kind of a mother are you?

Me: I have my set of belief.

She: Yes my religiously scholar sister, do share your old dated belief and enlighten our ignorance with your deep knowledge

Me: When we conceive, three things are decided at that very moment. First, life span; second, the gender; and third, whether one will be fortunate or unfortunate. Do you agree?

She: Hmm, so?

Me: Each passing year (for you, each birthday) is marking one year less to your total lifeline. What is there to celebrate about it? Celebrate your approaching death or wasted life?

She: Umm hmm..

Me: I am that kind of a mother who would not waste time, energy, and money on things that are of no importance. Instead, I will put in my efforts to earn for birdy’s life in the hereafter. I would rather invest in the later life which is eternal. I am that kind of a mother, who will try her best to make her daughter earn good deeds and the pleasure of her Rabb so she can celebrate with joy in her grave and hereafter.

She: Okay, but it will not cause any harm in celebrating a little bit? Your parents celebrated yours too.

Me: Birthday celebration is innovation in religion. It was originally celebrated by the non-muslims, and we will be among those whom we used to follow when alive. Islam does not teach us any of these rituals and celebrations.

And, it is not necessary to follow the same path of ignorance that we had once lived. We did celebrate birthdays when we were unaware.

She: I agree. But what will birdy think when she would see birthday celebrations of other kids? She will feel bad.

Me: Imagine what I now say. Consider yourself a kid and your birth date is approaching. You are waiting for the day when you are treated special. When you cut a cake, you receive gifts and privileges. The other kids around are not getting anything. They look towards you and crave to be in your place. They want to feel special and want those fancy wrapped gifts too. But they don’t. Will you share your presents and offer the same place of yours to be?

She: No not at all. Kids are kids. Why they would let other kids step in their zone of specialness and undivided attention.

Me: Exactly my point. Through this we are instilling selfishness in them. It is the time when every birthday child is just thinking about himself.

She: So what else can we do? We can’t have same date for every kid around?

Me: We can celebrate our two big festivals with fervour i.e. our Eid. We can décor our homes and invite guests and have food and fun. It is the right time to exchange gifts, and to create sense of communism and unity. Shared happiness, and shared love. It will be more encouraging if we present them with board games which require more than one player. This way all will be united.

She: Wow, I never thought on these lines. You nailed it sister.

This concluded our discussion and with this discussion, I finally got one conflict down between us. Smilingly I looked outside the window and I realized that continuous water drops can make a hole in a stone. Can’t we penetrate in ones heart with softness yet strong determination and commitment? When there is a will, there is a way.

Help your children stay safe

safe-kidsChildren are one of the lovely blessings of Allah (swt). Having children and grooming them according to Islam to become a good human is very difficult. The lap of a mother is the first institution for a child where he learns about the world, and the principles of piousness.

Protecting your child from the dark shadows of the world is highly challengeable. There are a number of people who have a sense of right and wrong; but there are also a number of people who have an unstoppable urge for this world- simply called as the devil for the society- whose sole purpose is to spread the mess.

“For safety is not a gadget but a state of mind”- provide it to your child!

Some of the things that mainly vitiate your child are:  media, bad environment, bad company, internet, and also, sensual female protagonist games. Try to keep away your children from fight-oriented movies and games because it may bring aggressiveness, frustration, obstinacy and revolt in them. Moreover, it also declines their IQ level.

Prepare and prevent, rather than repair and repent!

To protect your child, you should train in such a way that they themselves can mark between the good and bad.  Especially, this is the responsibility of a mother to teach them about the dubious people wearing the mask of innocence.

Love and trust- go together!

  • Always show that you really trust them. Try to spend proper time with your child. If they try to tell something but hesitate, then let them feel comfortable with yourself because you are the only one who is nearest to them and understands their emotions.
  • Teach your child  that no one has right to see, touch or play with your private body parts
  • They must never accept any food stuff or gift from a stranger. They must refuse their offer on the spot and leave. .
  • Sometimes, the children think that they are at fault, and their elder would punish them or beat them; they start hiding the things which leads to destruction because of the absence of guidance.

Hug you kids at home, but belt them in cars!

Don’t leave your child alone at home or anywhere with servants. If your child is an extrovert, and starts talking to anyone, then softly advise him/her not to talk to strangers.

The Media-mania

Media is one of the biggest monsters and a catastrophe for our children. No one has time to keep an eye on them. There are so many tactics using which you can save children from the destruction. For instance- set a specific time to watch the television. Discuss their views on the program which they watched; but remember, do not show them that you keep a check on them; or make them feel that you are an investigator.

Filter your conversation with your child according to his/her age and understanding. In this century, no doubt, grooming children is like a Rocket Science. Parenthood brings a huge responsibility your shoulders.

Delivering the best knowledge to your child is an on-going struggle. Global knowledge along with the knowledge of religion is what makes the child rise and shine. Islam is the best code of conduct for all.

Can time heal the scars on the face of humanity?

Reviving-Wilted-Roses“And those scars on his face were the scars on the face of humanity.”

Never treat the unprivileged as you have leased them for their life.

Waiting in the lounge of a hotel, merely to fulfil the desire to eat a hot steaming dinner in the festive environment with my family to make the most of my Sunday- I came across the evidence of brutality of those in power over the weaker ones. The boy caught my attention because of the life that shines out from his eyes. His care free attitude told me, he belonged to a nice family; however, the wicked brutal scars on his face and hand me down clothing, made me doubt my very first impression of him.

Sitting there with my husband, I caught the remark of the other boy sitting beside him-
“And what about these recent marks on your face?”

His reply was, “Api gave me a fresh start in the morning with it.”

I thought he might have had a fight with his elder sister.

I said to him, “You must have been naughty.”

He said, “No!”

The other one said, “Yes, he might have been.”

At that moment, I just wished that the brutal master may someday behave, and realize that they have not leased the unprivileged ones for their lifetime.

“Api beats me on small mistakes. Today, I was unable to decorate her shoe cupboard properly, and she gave me these marks as a reward.”
I asked, “Who is your Api?”

Then, I heard the innocent reply that drowned me into embarrassment, “She is my master. I work for her, and she beats me for petty issues.”
I was overwhelmed.

I said, “You never told her you are a human?” On which my husband asked me to keep quiet.

And then came his master who asked him to accompany him into the restaurant.
He asked his master, “Do you really want me to accompany?” And when his master affirmed, I saw his eyes shining much brighter, and the joy evading the innocent face.

Alas! I wish I could sue her or do something to tell that lady that if she is not getting what she deserves now- certainly much awaits for her in hereafter.

To all the masters of this kind- kindly, before doing all the charity work, and shouting out for human equality and initiating campaigns and programs, do just one thing- Respect humanity!

The innocent bright beings when ill-treated in their early years lose their sanity and turn into criminals. This leads to a never-ending war causing terror and fright in the society. We fail to realize that we are the ones who had fed these little creatures with hatred and cultivated them as criminals.

Creative Learning for Kids

Creativity1Admire your child learning in his early years
Soon after the birth of my child, I started thinking of the most creative ways to make my little child learn. I tried some techniques that proved to be a major success; and hence, I wish to share these with all the mothers who can do wonders by using them.

Exposure to lively objects
Show the child some rotating, and moving toys with lights. The toys that work by pushing the string may help the child learn the trial and error method- as well as- to understand cause and effect of actions.

Building patterns
Build weird patterns using the toys of all shapes and colour. You may stack or make a line or any pattern you want. This will improve the child’s creativity skills as he may think of different ways of using objects.

Interacting while managing simple task
When working in the kitchen and doing a simple task, use appropriate vocabulary to define what you are trying do to. Like while making a milkshake, tell them how to add milk, sugar, and cream and allow them to press the button of the blender. This will enhance their vocabulary and they will become expressive.

Show and tell
Describe everything in front of them using action. If you are usingtoothpaste then show them how to apply it over the brush, and how to brush- that will enhance their recognition and recalling abilities.

What can you see………?
While you are on road or a garden, play this little game, “What can you see?” You will marvel later on how well they will describe the place.

Developing thematic pictures
Collect pictures relating to different themes like family or a market, and jumble them. Sort out to make a thematic picture, widening their mental capacities.

Guess who is who?
Give them simple hints with action, and allow them to guess who you are referring to like flap your arms, glide and make the sounds of the bird and they will guess. Start with simple ones developing their cognitive abilities.

Let’s map out
Hide the object and then tell them to find it by drawing the simple maps. Amazingly they will learn to read maps so early.
Hope you will find these techniques valuable. Insha’Allah.

win 7 home premium 64 bit product key
win 7 home premium key oem
win 7 home premium serial key 2014
win 10 professional key paypal
win server 2012 r2 essentials cd key
win 7 enterprise key cheap
win 10 ultimate activation code 2012
win 7 professional serial key 32 bit
win server 2012 essentials keygen
Office Outlook 2016
windows 7 activation key sale
windows 7 professional sp1 key
Microsoft Dynamics CRM 4.0
Microsoft Windows Vista Enterprise with SP2
windows 7 license key cheap
windows 7 enterprise product key code
windows 7 key cheapest
windows 10 activation keygen
windows 10 enterprise activation key download
Microsoft Office 2010
win 10 license key finder
win 8.1 pro genuine product key
win server 2008 genuine activation key
win server 2012 install cd key
win 8 standard key code
win 7 professional sp1 key oem
win 10 Home Basic to Ultimate Anytime Upgrade
Office Visio Standard 2013
win 7 64 bit product key
win server 2012 r2 standard keygen
win 8 professional activation key 64 bit
win 8.1 professional 64 bit product key
win 7 enterprise x86 serial key
win 7 product key buy home premium
win 7 Ultimate
win 10 ultimate sp1 32 bit cd key
win server 2008 r2 standard key activation
win server 2008 32 bit cd key
win server 2008 r2 enterprise key 2012
win 8 standard activation key
win 7 home basic genuine key
win 10 cd key not valid
win 8.1 enterprise product key price
win 10 professional key cheap
win 7 enterprise activation key download
win 10 professional license key purchase
win 10 activation key purchase
win 8 license key sticker
win 8.1 pro dell oem key
win 8.1 pro cd key
win 7 home premium oem key asus
win 8 enterprise key shop
Office 2016
win 7 Home Premium to Ultimate Anytime Upgrade
win embedded 8 standard key
win 10 home premium sp1 key original
Office Project Professional 2013 SP2
win 10 professional 64 bit product keygen
win server 2008 r2 original key
Windows Server 2008 Datacenter R2
windows server 2012 r2 essentials keygen
windows 8 enterprise key
windows 7 home cd key
McAfee AntiVirus Plus 2013 (1PCs-2Year)
windows 10 ultimate serial key list
Norton Internet Security 2013 2 years/3 PC
windows 10 license key
windows 10 home premium sp1 key original
windows 8.1 enterprise x64 serial key
Windows 10 Starter to Home Premium Anytime Upgrade
windows server 2008 key
Microsoft Office Outlook 2010
windows 10 home premium sp1 key serial
windows embedded 8 standard key
windows 7 home premium key shop
windows 10 enterprise activation key download
Microsoft Dynamics CRM 2011
Microsoft Windows Vista Business with SP2
windows 7 ultimate key cheap
windows 8 professional oem key
Windows Server 2003 Web Edition
Rosetta Stone German Level 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Set
Microsoft Office 2007 Ultimate
windows 8.1 cd key list
Windows Vista to Ultimate Anytime Upgrade
windows 7 professional product key activation code
windows 7 professional product key prices
Windows 10 Starter to Home Basic Anytime Upgrade
McAfee Total Protection 2013 (3PCs-2Year)
windows 7 home oem key
windows 7 home premium activation key oem
windows 7 enterprise serial key 64 bit
windows 7 home premium keygen 32 bit
windows server 2008 buy key
McAfee Internet Security 2013 (3PC-1Year)
windows 8 enterprise genuine key
windows 7 ultimate oem key 2012
Microsoft Windows Vista Home Basic With SP2
Windows 7 Enterprise SP1

15 Tips to Raising Great Children

Vol 1-Issue 2 Upbringing Children1) Start by teaching them the importance of worshipping only Allah (swt): The best thing any Muslim parent could ever teach  their children is to emphasize, from the day they can comprehend, that Allah (swt) is One and no one is worthy of worship except Allah (swt).
2) Treat them kindly: Kindness begets kindness. If we are kind to our children, they in turn would show kindness to others. Our Prophet (sa) was the best example in being kind to children.
3) Teach them examples: Here are some tips you may want to follow in helping your children grow up with Islamic values of Muslim heroes: Instead of Batman or Superman, tell them about real heroes such as Abu Bakr, Umar Ibn Khattab, Uthman Bin Affan, Ali Bin Abi Talib and others. Tell them how Muslim leaders brought a real peaceful change in the world, and won the hearts of Muslims and non-Muslims alike.
4) Let children sit with adults: It is preferable for children to be among adults, especially when listening to Islamic lectures. The Prophet (sa) would often put children in the front row when he spoke to the people.
5) Make them feel important: Consult them in family matters. Let them feel they are important members of the family; and that they have a part to play in the growth and well being of the family.
6) Go out as a family: Take family trips rather than allowing your children to always go out with their friends. Let your children be around family and friends from whom you want them to pick up their values. Always remember that your children will become who they are around with most of the time. So, watch their company and above all give them your company.
7) Praise them: Praise is a powerful tool with children, especially in front of others. Children feel a sense of pride when their parents’ praise them, and will be keen to perform other good deeds. However, praise must be limited to Islamic deeds and deeds of moral value.
8) Avoid humiliation: Similarly, do not humiliate them in front of others. Children make mistakes. Sometimes, these mistakes occur in their efforts to please the parents. If you are unhappy with your children, tell them in private.
9) Sports: The Prophet (sa) encouraged sports such as swimming, running and horse riding. Other sports that build character and physical strength are also recommended- as long as the children maintain their Islamic identity, wear appropriate clothes and do not engage in unnecessary mixing.
10) Responsibility: Have faith in their abilities to perform tasks. Give them chores to do in line with their age. Convince them that they are performing an important function, and you will find them eager to help you out again.
11) Don’t spoil them: Children are easily spoiled. If they receive everything they ask for, they will expect you to oblige on every occasion. Be wise in what you buy for them. Avoid extravagance and unnecessary luxuries. Take them to an orphanage or poor area of your city once in a while so they can see how privileged they are.
12) Don’t be friends: It is common in the West for parents to consider their children as friends. In Islam, it doesn’t work that way. If you have ever heard how friends talk to each other, then you will know that this is not how a parent-child relationship should be. You are the parents, and they should respect you, and this is what you should be teaching them. The friendship part should be limited to you and them; keeping an open dialog so they can share their concerns with you, and ask you questions when they have any.
13) Pray with them: Involve them in acts of worship. When they are young, let them see you in the act of Salah (Salat). Soon, they would be trying to imitate you. Wake them up for Fajr and pray as a family. Talk to them about the rewards of Salah so that it doesn’t feel like a burden to them.
14) Emphasize the Halal: It is not always good to say: “this is Haram, that is Haram”. While you must educate them on Haram things, Islam is full of Halal; and tell your children to thank Allah (swt) for the bounties He has bestowed on them- not just for food and clothes. Tell them to be thankful for having eyes that see, ears that hear, arms and legs, and the ultimate blessing, Islam in their hearts.
15) Set an example: As parents, you are the best example the children can have. If you talk to your parents rudely, expect your children to do the same to you. If you are disrespectful to others, your children will follow too. Islam is filled with Divine advices to bring up your children. That makes it an obligation upon parents to be good Muslims so their children will try to emulate them. If you don’t take Islam seriously, neither will your children. It goes back to our third point, which is to acquaint them with Islamic heroes. As a parent, you should be their number one hero.

What you sow, so shall you reap

seedlings-wallpaperThere is an old saying which states that we teach the way we are taught and we parent the way we are raised. Behaviours are somehow contagious. We have absorbed and adopted the ways of our parents. In our so called Pakistani culture, we have been fully stuffed with our traditions and cultural norms. When it comes to raising children, we parent our boys and daughters according to the list we have got from our forefathers and society. You must be well acquainted with words such as: boys will be boys; and that, she is a girl, and it does not suit her. We are least interested in knowing and implementing the decorum of parenting and morals that is mentioned in Quran and Sunnah. In our never ending need to strive and compete for the materialistic things, we have surpassed many ethics and moral values that we need to adopt in order to weave those in our kids. The character we wish to see in them must shine brightly in our own personalities. James Baldwin stated “children have never been good at listening to their elders, but they never failed to imitate them.”

I found my toddler hitting and yelling on his younger sister. Raged with heightened emotions, I rushed to his side yelling not to hit. The reprimand was followed by a slap from my side. There was something in his eyes that really shook me down. A hidden complaint! As if he was asking, how come you get along fine with hitting and yelling at me when you disapprove of me doing the same? At that point on spot, I realized and committed to yell less often in order to totally eliminate it. What we need is mutual and shared journey- a consistent commitment!

Hence, prior to teaching our kids, we need to correct ourselves first. Learning and acquiring needs some efforts.

Muscle memory

Elephants learn via muscle memory. How can we use this idea to unlearn the learned undesirable behavioural responses? Each one of us has his own style of doing any specific task. Let’s say cooking for instance- I would first arrange the things needed, wash and chop. Add to pot and then I do the dishes and other chores. In the meantime, when I am cleaning up and kneading, the meal will be ready. It is the same pattern that I follow every day, so it is now a solidified memory. Therefore, I need to switch the sequence in order to unlearn my muscle memory. It will cause some confusion in remembering and recalling what I have done and have not- but it will be fun! A general example can lead you to understand the technique, and hence, can be applied to various settings. The point is to break the same repetition that you are programmed to do. A conscious effort will help to build new muscle memory. This is how we need to unlearn the accustomed, biased, and hypocrite patterns of parenting.

We need to put a halt to our old set of beliefs and expectations that we hold towards our kids. Being a boy, does not grant your son superior rights to invalidate the rights and desire of other girls around. It is better to teach them young, when they are soft and can be molded in any way than to deal with a stubborn adult. Before our every step to alter their reactions and behaviour, we first need to stir our own cognition and put in action.

Here are the ten most important strengths to inculcate in your kids to remove the stigmatized belief systems.    

1. Interim gaze vs. perpetual hell!

It’s a girl’s fault that she is displaying her beauty for us to stare; you just can’t say this and lay the burden of your sin on the one who is revealing herself. Remember the commandment to lower your gaze, and guard their chastity is prescribed for men first. Modesty is not just for girls to follow, and adhere to the rules of guarding gaze. Girls will be responsible for what they reveal and boys will be held accountable for what they see. Teach them from start to lower their gaze as it is a form of showing respect to other women, and to guard their own selves from displeasure of Allah (swt). Make your son responsible for his part of deed. In addition, when he catches his father staring at other women to satisfy his eyes, he will model the same.

2. Al Qawam

Men are responsible for their family. Abdullah Ibn Umar (ra) reported that the Messenger of Allah (sa) said: “Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A  man is the guardian of his family, and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children, and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master, and he is responsible for it. Surely, every one of you is a shepherd and responsible for his flock.” Man must be able to take responsibility and have a firm personality without being indecisive in nature. Despite of being a helicopter and over possessive parent, be assistive and give them opportunity to marvel their strength of taking responsibility and decisions. Being Qawam means you are in controlling position, don’t stampede on others. Be a just leader in front of your son as he will follow the same footsteps.

3. Gender equality

Equality is the root of Islam. Being a male does not make you superlative and something-out-of –the-world. Sisters are not lower in status; hence, being a son doesn’t mean you can have any supreme right. However, man has been given one degree higher status, but that is not to boss around and to be unfair.

“Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth…” (an-Nisa 4:34)

Kindly, don’t spoil their minds by giving them extra special treatment by making your daughters serve them; and by providing them with specific chicken pieces and meat loaf, while starving your daughters with vegetables. And again be a role model yourself.

4. Honour and Gheerah for your woman

As it goes- modesty dies in women, when jealousy dies in men. Men of today take pride in displaying their wives’ beauty in front of their friends and distant family members. By taking her to public gatherings and corporate dinners, men have reduced their worth to mere objects. Instill Gheerah in your sons at a younger age. Their mothers, sisters, wives are their pride- a pride to be protected.

5. Be Humble

Sana: “Nadia why don’t you ask Ahmed to be polite with others. He is so boastful and ill tempered.”

Nadia: “He is a boy and boys are like this. Anger suits them, it’s in their blood. Would you like a lion without its roar?”

With this mindset, we are raising destructive souls who won’t be any good to the society.Being a boy does not give our sons license to be rigid, aggressive and rude. Let politeness and kindness be their trait. We shun our sons to play with dolls, thinking it might make them sissy and girlish; although, it would bring out his love and care for others. And perhaps, it might ring the sensitivity hidden in them. Thus, enabling them to maintain a healthy relationship with their wives and children. Being compassionate makes one priceless.

6. Combat peer pressure

What is Halal will always be Halal, even if no one is doing it; and what is Haram will always be Haram, when all are doing it. Instill the love of Allah (swt) and Sunnah so much in your children’s hearts that when they outgrow their childhood, they have firm belief in what is right and wrong. Staying out late at nights, honking bikes, and whistle to females; wearing spaghetti stripes, dating boys and having *serious relationships* will still be unacceptable even if your friends are doing it. Teach them that the friends you choose have a great impact on your personality, hence, choose wisely. If your children find you being a people’s pleasure, and one who surrenders lawful and right things just to gain social recognition and praise, then they will not be able to stand, and resist the peer and societal pressure on him- as they always look up to us.

7. It’s okay to be emotional

Crying is not a sign of weakness, nor is it a woman’s trait. Man has equal right to express and ventilate. It will not make him less of a man. We shun them from crying since infancy saying, “Are you a girl?” Every human being has a need to let go off the disturbing sensations happening inside.

8. Your wife is not your maid

Your wives are your better halves. She is not a maid to serve you and to be yelled at, nor is she a production machine. Apart from child bearing and breast feeding, man can train himself how to deal with colicky babies and teething phases. A girl is not innately trained to be a mother, she learns through experiences; however, a man on the contrary has to learn by practicing more and eventually he will. He is equally responsible for his kid’s well-being. Prophet Muhammad (sa) used to help in household, and would mend his clothes on his own. Hence, attain great honour by following this Sunnah.

Girls-You are an Amanah!

9. You are my gem- the most beautiful creation of Allah (swt)

Encourage your girls on their appearance and beauty so that they do not crave for the attention of any local guy on street, in neighbourhood or family. Nourish her heart and soul with praise so that she can value herself; and keep her beauty a mystery for all and reveal only to her husband-to-be.

10. Your status is much higher

Role of women in Islam is huge. She is responsible for her children’s nourishment with religion. Polluting their minds and making their hearts captives of the fairy tales and romantic scenes and weddings leaves our children bewildered in this world of deception. The real purpose of our existence is to earn Jannah by abiding to the rules set by Allah (swt). Being a girl does not make you weak. Your advice is valued. Prophet (as) emphasized on taking advice from each other. Come out of the kitchen and parties, and be a practicing Muslim first. It’s a very delicate matter- a mother can be a door to either hell or heaven for her child. Choose wisely.

11. Shop to treat idleness

Recurrent advertisements and jokes on women and their habit of shopping. Shopping mania is a sin in disguise. It eradicates depression. No woman is as fragile and irrational as shown. There are numerous examples in Islamic history where Muslim women participated in battles to look after the wounded companions (ra) and other Muslim soldiers. Do not run to branded shops always, and die after sale opportunities as if shopping is the only purpose to live.

12. Be a door mat, suffer in silence

We often laud women with phrases like home is made when a woman sacrifices her desires for the sake of children and family. Islam does not ask for such an endurance which destroys your emotional and psychological well-being. Neither does it hinder women empowerment. Don’t be submissive, be assertive, Hazrat Khadijah (ra) was a self-supportive widow, running her own merchant. Maintaining Islamic boundaries is crucial though. Teach your daughter not to dwell in hopelessness and depressive modes; rather stand up and shine for the blessings she has got, and make use of the space which Islam has allowed her.

13. Misogynistic myth

Women are created to be a means of extending the family by rearing offspring. They are obliged to look after infants, and fulfill their responsibility regarding home and other chores.Children look up to us. What we display in our actions, they will imprint that in their minds, and later use it when dealing with their own spouses. If you boss around your wife, or if you keep your husband under your thumb, then don’t be surprised to see yourself in them in future.

 

Read between the lines

read-between-the-linesI remember when I was in grade nine, my English teacher gave us a comprehension. It was followed by a series of questions pertaining to that very specific composition. After reading it multiple times, I failed to grab an answer. I asked her, how to find the answers which are not there? She smiled and said, “Read between the lines.” Now I know how some messages are subtle.

Exposure capping

Have you ever encountered a situation when you unknowingly reach for an unknown product on basis of familiarity? You do not know anything about it, but have seen it thousands of time on television set, and have heard its name multiple times via media means. Media has bombarded the minds of viewers with massive promotional advertisement. What is seen is what is selling.  The message stored in our subconscious. The tactic is exposure -to show them explicitly that it gets stored in the brains. Is everything we are being exposed to worth watching?

All that glitters is not gold

Media magnificently wraps the slime and slut into the realm of doubtless, envisage, mushy, and cheesy stories. This all causes their heart to skip a beat and they long for all this in their lives. It is for this fantasy that they go for unlawful relationships. Hearts and flowers steal the show. What are we offering them? A world where-

Adultery justified

Modesty rationalized

Morals marginalized

Personal matters publicized

Religion paralyzed

Violence generalized

Women advertised

Filth idealized

Ummah immunized

Bypass your conscious mind Have you ever heard of the word,“subliminal message”? It is anything that sends you a message without your knowledge, which is usually picked up on by your subconscious mind. It might be a text, graphic, pictorial or any other auditory means.

You will find numerous examples of these explicit messages that are hidden in cartoons. Cartoons are no more cartoons nowadays. They offer violence, aggression, erotic messages, brutal killings, and homosexuality. Don’t brush it under your carpets. It is time to recognize the problem and to work for its eradication

pic1

 A known cartoon lion king has been objected on a scene when the lion blows off dust from a cliff. The dust forms a word SEX which is a subliminal message. Kids absorb it and it surely messes up with their belief. Why do you see such crimes appalling and common?

pic2

This is another example of a hidden message that we parents are blindly offering to our little ones with innocent minds. We are the reason behind exploiting their minds. If you love them truly, you will surely make a way to filter and detox the receiving grime in the name of entertainment. In a lighter tone- just for a laugh- when your husband asks you to not to spend much time in shopping, you spend hours and hours by ignoring his reprimand.  You do what you want. We are all in our comfort zone, happily spending time on cell phones, video games, televisions, and other electronic gadgets. We are badly snatching the right of our kids and spouse upon us. The situation turns bleak when family time is replaced by screen time. We are now introverts and lack the empathetic skills to socialize. We lack time for our kids; have no devotion to educate them, to protect them. Later, we have no right to cry over the spilt milk.

 

Some adverse effects of media exposure

  1. There are various types of physical mutilation that media entertainment provides. Long hours of screen time badly effects
    1. memory
    2. attention span
    3.  cognition
    4. Impaired Eye sight
    5. Weight gain.
    6.  A kid who is exposed to all sorts of filth gets immune to the depicted sins; hence, readily absorbs on both levels of consciousness and unconsciousness.
    7. High level of anger and violence. Sample of Wisconsin and Maryland high school and junior high school students confirm the correlational link of aggressive behaviour and delinquency.
    8. Indecency in dressing. Princess Jasmine and Ariel half naked. Our girls dream of those dresses as they are worn by princesses.
    9. Blindly following the cartoon characters- nearly worshipping them. A kid jumped off his roof by wearing a cloak and died, as he dreamt to fly like the spider man.
    10. Lost heritage, cultural and Islamic values. Doctor Victor b. Cline, the psychologist, says that: “the media are powerful teachers of values and ethical behaviour, and sometimes may play a more significant role than the church.”
    11. Sleep and eating disorders. Media wrongly inform our opinions and desires. To quote, leading to the desire of white skin and zero figures through persuasive ads and programs. Leading to disorders such as bulimia nervosa and anorexia nervosa.
    12. Today Video games offer life-like characters and rich, graphic imagery that delivers very realistic experiences. Studies have shown a correlation between playing video games and unhealthy outcomes for children, such as isolation and loneliness, obesity, belief in gender stereotypes and increased aggressive behaviour.
    13. Violence and massacre. Tom and Jerry shows extreme brutal hitting.
    14. Hidden erotic messages mature the reproductive system and sex hormones; thus, kids today are reaching their puberty earlier.
    15. Increase rate of rapes.
    16. Learn abusive language.

How can we protect them?

Befriend your child and educate, do not dictate!

Being parents, we are responsible to instill the love of Allah (swt) and educate them about the things which are disliked by Allah (swt). Start telling them at an early age about the things that pleases and displeases Allah (swt) as young minds are more absorbent. We often offer them screen time because we have work to do, or to have some me time, or to keep them calm and motionless, tied to their place. Everything can wait but time will not. This is the crucial time as iron can be molted when hot. This is the high time that you divert their minds towards healthy habits like book reading, helping around the house (for instance, to pick cushions up and put on right places).

For younger kids, install software that will limit their view of things that they are not supposed to see. In joint family, it is rather difficult to convince about the hazards of television. Supplicate a lot to Allah (swt) and with wisdom limit and distract your kids. Do not run after your kid every time you catch him watching television by saying Haram Haram (unlawful). Your role is to educate and not to compel. It is normal that a kid will fall for the beats and cartoon. Offer him with a substitute. There are many Islamic cartoons available on ytpak.com. To name few, learn Quran with Zaky, Adams world, Hurray for Baba Ali, and nasheeds without music. If they have seen anything, that carries a bad message. Try to detox it later by talking about it. Make a list of things that fall under sin and things that are worthy of rewards. Make them yearn for Jannah (paradise). Islam is not about individualism, but rather it talks about communism. Build an ambience around that is free of the things which Allah (swt) doesn’t like. This will take time, but it will surely bring sweet fruits later. Tell him television itself is not bad. What it advertises and displays is wrong. Tell him how we can  make good use of it by watching animal channels and others educational programs.

Mirror mirror on the wall

Yes, your kids follow like  your own shadow or reflection. Model the behaviour you yourself want them to have. You need to limit your screen time. There should not be a television in bedroom. When dramas and movies are your weakness, and you fail to resist the allure to watch; when you are glued in front of the television and ignore when your husband shows up; when you give your kids a shut up call because they are interrupting while you are involved in a mesmerizing scene- then don’t expect them to be away from this filth. Neither, demand them to obey you or respect you. You are committing a sin and this sin will follow even after your death too. Your kids will follow your footsteps. As it is said in Surah Yaseen,

 

Verily, We give life to the dead, and We record that which they send before (them), and their traces, and all things We have recorded with numbers (as a record) in a Clear Book. (Surah Yaseen 36: 12)

Don’t try to fit in, when you are born to stand out!

Peer pressure is the most important factor that regulates our thought process and desire. I remember during my schooling, I used to feel like a fish out of water. I was not allowed to watch movies alone without my mother’s supervision. My classmates would talk about all sorts of movies, scenes, slang words and my jaws would drop to the floor. Be very vigilant when it comes to choose an education system as kids blindly follow the crowd around in order to fit in. In addition, a time comes when teachers have more powerful impact as compared to parents. Bon fires, farewells, trip to Cineplex, movie nights, are the events endorsed with music and filth. During my college years, a friend of mine refused to pay for the farewell arrangement charges. Her father said that I will not spend for unlawful things. Hats off to her and her parents for bringing her up in the most desirable way, that will gain the pleasure of Allah (swt). Give your child confidence that the false opinion of his peers will not shatter his roots nor tear apart his self-worth. Backward, extremist, loser are some of the attributes given to such kids who don’t watch television, or are unaware of the upcoming song or movie. Again it goes back to parenting. Be your kid’s best friend, before the world offers him wrong friends. I was uncomfortable to read that it is Talibanization and extremism to say watching television is sin.

Readhttp://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/25370/how-can-we-stop-our-children-from-being-radicalised-by-extremists/

It’s high time

Do we need a trumpet to be blown on our heads? How are we turning a blind eye to the so openly served nonsense to our kids and youth? Dating, extra marital affairs, polygamy (yes, it is allowed in Islam; for my male readers but only if a man can afford and do justice), betraying your spouse, drinking, gambling, myth of eternal love, dancing parties, you name it and you get to see it. Everything is becoming a norm and our kids are being brain washed to accept the immorality. Who is to be blamed? Is it the fault of media for dishing out such lustful and indecent dramas and music? Or is it entirely the fault of your children who are not more than a couch potato? A kid of today is passive and aggressive; he contempts elders and ridicules their principles; he burns his lid off mostly by throwing tantrums and fit.

Nevertheless, it is not too late. Make intention and then fasten up your belt. Do your best and supplicate to protect your kids from the trials of today.

A note for media people

Media people are responsible for what our kids see and they will be held accountable for what they offer. Be cautious! As you will soon be standing in front of the Lord of the worlds. They are holding the blame of others sin too. A movie is ban on account of being x-rated. The tactic is simple. If you want to have a mega hit and massive sale, ban the product. Out of curiosity, people will come to see. Allah (swt) knows the intention behind. Whether the Niyyah (intention) behind naming it eighteen plus is to limit the audience or increase the viewership.

How to develop Love for Quran in our children?

child-quranChild-rearing is an enormous responsibility, and it is considered leverage upon parents in terms of what they teach their child; this is revealed when they grow up, and operate as adult individuals within the society.
Al-Ghazali once wrote, ‘The child, is a trust (placed by God) in the hands of his parents, and his innocent heart is a precious element capable of taking impressions.’


It is, therefore, obligatory upon the Muslim parents that they base their nurturing upon the grounds of providing sufficient worldly and Islamic education- one that reveals unto the young minds the mysteries of their existence, and facilitates them to evaluate the purpose for which they were created.
Quran is the Holy Book which is kept aside in the modern age. This age of information technology and innovative equipments has resulted in people prioritizing their worldly competition and recreation over the fundamental devotion to Allah (swt). It is now bound upon the people of this Ummah to rise and summon those who have lost the message. This revival begins from our own sanctuaries. It is mandatory upon us as parents to shatter this predicament that the Ummah is facing. To release the Ummah from the shackles of wreckage, it is gravely required that the upcoming generation is aware of their responsibility and the pathway that they are expected to follow. For this, it is crucial that the parents play their designated role in conveying unto their kids, the importance of the Holy Book and the message it delivers. This can be done through some ways enumerated below:

  • Make Dua: God created mankind in such a fashion that they cannot fulfill any of their desires unless He himself commands for those to become true. Parents may plan out many things for their beloved children, but it all becomes worthless if Allah (swt) denies those plans. He is the best of planners, and thus, it is vital that parents make Dua for their children to be convicted Muslims, even before they enter this Dunya.
    You may recite Quranic Duas, the ones recited by Hazrat Maryam (as) or Hazrat Zakariya (as). There are plenty other supplications mentioned in the Quran. For example,
    “And those who say: “Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqun.” (Al-Furqan 25:74)

The believers must place their trust in Allah (swt), and ask Him for pious children, the ones who will eventually end up as infinite Sadaqah-e-Jariah for them. According to a Hadeeth:

“There are three supplications that are answered – there being no doubt about it: the supplication of the oppressed, the supplication of the traveler and the supplication of the parent for his child.” (Ibn Majah)

  • Recite Quran to the unborn:  In this age of modern sciences, doctors are encouraging the expectant parents to directly converse with their unborn child as this has been witnessed to have profound effects on the baby’s intellectual advancement.
    The sound which the unborn child predominantly hears is the voice of their mother, is there a better sound for a baby to hear than the Divine words?
    It is the spoken word (كلام) of Allah (swt). This spoken word has been termed as light (نور), mercy (رَحمَةً), guidance (هُدًى) and a means of healing (شفآء), in the Quran itself.
  • Recite Quran around your children: Quran has a positive impact on hearts, whether it is babies or adults. Therefore, reading aloud Quran around your newborn or playing recitations in the household will culminate in amazing optimistic response from the baby. You may notice a considerable deceleration in the incessant ranting of your toddler. The profound effect of these words makes a child peaceful. This will also let them get used to the Holy words and develop an acquaintance with those words.
    Make sure that your words are clear to them; you may notice your toddlers synchronizing their lips along with you.
  • Read Quranic translation with your kids: Once your child enters into the age where they are able to read and understand, you may practice contemplating over the meaning of the Quran along with them. Make those sessions interesting by recreational activities, asking questions and using the language which they would easily understand. Also, ensure that these sessions are short and precise. Long sessions tend to bore the child and result in opposite effects.
    Let them know about the mercy of Allah (swt) and the blissful gardens awaiting them, and the actions which may lead them there.
  • Take them along to mosques and religious gatherings: Once your child has reached the age where he/she has developed the sense that it is mandatory to stay silent in mosques and other religious gatherings, allow them to accompany you at every local Dars or religious congregation, enabling them to attain an attachment with the religion.
  • Admit them into schools which focus on imparting Quranic education: Schooling is one really vital phase of a child’s life. The learning they acquire in this phase accompanies them throughout their lives. Thus, it must be assured that children are admitted in those schools which include Quran in their curriculum rather than keeping it aside as an extra-curricular activity. All your efforts at home will fail if the school denies the importance of Quranic knowledge.
    Such decision may result in compromising the high-level education provided by other schools, but you may notice extremely astounding results of religious schooling, too. A child absorbs more when he/she is studying with children of same age group.
    Allah (swt) is with those who make sacrifices for His sake, you will find your child at elevated levels of Dunya and Akhirah, Insha’Allah!
  • Aid your child in memorization of Quran A child’s brain is like a sponge, absorbing all it witnesses. You may desire your child to become a Hafiz some day, start functioning on this dream from the very young age of your child.
    One handy tip could be, using the bed time as recitation time, that is, repeatedly recite a portion of Quran with your child for several days. Begin with some short Surah, it would end up in your child reciting these Surahs fluently Insha’Allah.
    You may use several other encouragement techniques in accordance with the age and intellect of your child.

Remember that, you are the one responsible for the initiation of a Quranic pathway for your children. Be a role-model for them and make them realize the importance of Holy Book in our lives. Nothing can be a better Sadaqah-e-Jariah for a person than his offspring.

People who know a lot, but don’t understand each other

social-networkingWe are living in an age of instantaneous communication, where the whole world is connected to each other. It is very easy to find out what’s going on in a country thousands of miles away. From a natural disaster to a festival, from politicians’ speeches to countries about to bankrupt; the information is within our reach in a matter of seconds. And, this constant flow of information takes most of our time with us being none the wiser. Everyone complains that the time is passing by so fast, and that, 24-twenty four hours are not enough for them; but the interesting thing is that most people spend this amount of time with unnecessary occupations and procrastination.

Television and internet may prove to be traps that push people to waste their time on useless things. Today, the situation has gotten so much out of control that many people choose to focus more on their telephones, computers or tablets rather than paying attention to their families, friends or loved ones. Actually, this thought-provoking situation is the source of an important problem- it prevents people from communicating with each other, although they are constantly connected to the whole world. Some call this ‘unhealthy relationship with time’, while others call it ‘twitter-ized or facebook-aholic private lives’.

These people might learn about millions of unimportant things, but they don’t take out time to take care of themselves or the people around them. The passage of time keeps some people away from thinking, improving themselves, and working to build better personalities for themselves. The situation has became so serious that many of these people now consider taking out time for their families, complimenting each other, having a pleasant conversation and sharing blessings  with others as ‘unnecessary occupations’. Their followers on social media, who might be on the other side of the world, know about all their troubles, tastes and favourite foods, while their families are ignored.

What is even more thought provoking is the fact that these people don’t take out time for themselves; they quit thinking, and as a result, they begin to experience the effects of this in their morality, and then in their social lives as a whole.

For people, who don’t know about themselves, and the weakness of their lower selves- selfishness, hurting others, sudden bursts of anger, fits of jealousy and other evil acts- become ordinary parts of life. They begin to see these acts not as vices that should be refrained from with great care, but things that should be gotten off one’s chest. However, this is against the very reason behind the presence of people in this world.

Humans are sent into this world to attain moral maturity, in other words, to train the ‘me’ inside them. Just like we weren’t consulted about our birth, we aren’t consulted about our death either. We stay in this world for the duration that God has set for us, and with death, we will part with this world and begin our eternal life. We came to this world to learn about love, sharing, brotherhood and sublime morality. Every moment in this world is created independently for each person, and we make our choices between what is wrong and what is right. The things we choose, either make our personality better, and strengthen us spiritually, or leave us in darkness if we make bad choices.

To better understand the importance of this point, let’s ponder over some questions to see what lack of love, altruism and spirituality causes:

–                    Will your children be able to look around and learn what having ‘lofty morals and virtue’ means?

–                    Will they believe that they can be successful if they are honest and hardworking and avoid lies?

–                    Will they know that abundance can increase with goodness?

–                    Will they be aware that they can gain more by protecting the rights of innocent, poor, needy, refugees, orphans and not by cheating, lying or sacrificing the needs of others?

–                    While there are people who lose their lives as a result of obesity, there is widespread hunger in some other countries. Will they be able to see that?

–                    Will they pass by a poor person on the street without looking, or will they want to share with them what they have?

We have to tell our kids about these facts and that they are in this world ‘to be trained and to achieve good morality’.

Love, forgiveness, generosity and altruism are the essential characteristics of religion and help people gain peace and happiness. For this reason, it is imperative that we teach our children that they will find happiness only when religion is a part of every aspect of their lives. We have to show them the ease and plain nature of religion by living it ourselves.

We have to explain to our kids that everything they have is created by God for them, and how to love God every minute with passion; and that, only when people love God with sincerity can they find happiness in their hearts and blessings in their lives.

Living without love, compassion, friendship and kindness is not living. Accepting such a life is horrible. That’s why we need to help our children know themselves, and make them understand that they can defeat the evil in their lower selves with faith and closeness to God; and that everything they have should be used for goodness.

We have, but a single life in this world, and we don’t know how long it will last. That’s why we need to benefit from every single moment we have.

Knowing God, loving God and being aware of the purpose of our lives is crucial. Otherwise, depression, nervous breakdowns and troubles will end up as your grim companions. If you want a good life for yourself, your family and your children, and if, you want wars to come to an end and the world to find peace- the only thing you have to do is to have superior morals and encourage the same for everyone.

The Self-Esteem Vaccine – Fosters the Life of your Child

Courtesy: www.ahealthiermichigan.org

Courtesy: www.ahealthiermichigan.org

Firstly, let’s try to understand what self-esteem really is. Self esteem maybe defined as a person’s self worth or how a person thinks of himself/herself. It usually develops from childhood and matures until we reach our adulthood.

Self- esteem in children is like a weapon in this challenging world. A child, who is loved and accepted for who he/she is, usually develops a high self-esteem; and is much capable of coping conflicts, stressful situations, and high pressure circumstances. They are better prepared to take on new challenges and live life to its fullest. They know their strengths and weaknesses; they are more optimistic, and even more realistic with reasonable expectation from others.

On the contrary, children with low self-esteem find it difficult to handle stressful situations and challenges, leading to major anxiety, panic, low performance issues, self- doubt and frustration. They have self-critical thoughts which are generalized as being “I am not good enough!” or “I can’t do anything right!”. They become solemn, withdrawn, or even clinically depressed at times.

Self-esteem originates early in life. Once we reach our adulthood, it’s difficult to change the programming we have acquired in the course of our life, or how we have learned to perceive things- old habits die hard. Hence, it would be very wise and intuitive of parents to develop and promote their child’s self-esteem early on.

The following are few tips that would boost your child’s self-esteem.

Let them take risks in life (Raise risk takers)

Let your children put themselves out there; in order to do so you have to step back. To build confidence in children, you have to let your children take chances; make their own choices and let them take responsibility for the choices as well.Throw them in the deep end and they will reach the shallow end on their own.

Let them fall (It is not about never falling, it is about always getting back up)

Sometimes, when children take their first step they fall- please let them fall, and tell them that it is okay to fall, it’s a part of life, you can’t always win. Let children try, fail, try again and fail again; but when, they finally succeed- they learn more about their own capabilities, strength and weaknesses. Many parents think that failure and struggle in life will result in poor self-esteem in children, but it’s actually a golden opportunity to help build it. The rain never stopped the itsy bitsy spider from climbing up, did it?

Unconditional Love (No terms and conditions)

Let your child know that your love is without conditions. Even if she/he makes mistakes or takes a wrong turn in life, it doesn’t make the parents stop loving him/her any less; your doors should always be open to your child- in fact your child must know you are his/her life line.

Be specific in your praise (Don’t just slap a gold star on everything)

Always praise your child in his/her achievements, but be specific. For instance, if a child gets good marks in her/his English exam, don’t just say “good effort”; tell her/him what a great job he/she has done on the essay, and how impressed you were. Do not praise the beautiful drawing your child did on the neighbour’s wall!

Let your child know how proud you are of them (cheer a little louder)

A little goes a long way. Your child needs to know how proud you are of of him/her. They need to know you see them struggle, suffer and win. You need to encourage them when they bring home a trophy- make them a trophy case and get ice cream; and when they don’t, they still deserve an ice cream for trying.

Avoid saying hurtful things (thou shall not hurt)

Children are usually sensitive to critical comments. Parents need to be extra cautious with their use of words. Parents usually end up saying hurtful things or slapping their child- especially when they are busy. So, whenever your child comes asking for your help- though you are on the edge, stop, take a deep breath, see what your child needs and help them; if not urgent, explain gently that you are too busy and will help her/him, but in a little while. Instead of being physical or being loud to the child, try explaining to them calmly. Children who don’t feel safe, or are abused at home, are at the greatest risk for developing poor self-esteem; and they may even resort to a conflicted life.

Set Goals (brief them on objectives)

Teach your children to make goals in life, and help them accomplish them; they may take pride in their achievements which will help a lot in boosting their self-esteem. And also show them the importance of planning. You are never lost when you have a map.

Be a Great Role Model for your Child (Do as I do)

You can’t expect your children to have a high self-esteem, if you are constantly complaining about things yourself, and showing a pessimistic personality; your children mimic you. You need to nurture your own self-esteem and your children will have a great role model to look up to.

Be your child’s counselor

Be your child’s counselor instead of asking others for help. If you think your child is suffering with low self-esteem, try to figure out what could have gone wrong; sit down with your child, talk to him/her, try to listen to him/her, give him/her your undivided attention. Even if the child doesn’t want to talk initially, keep on trying, he will open up eventually. If you are consistent, you should take professional help only in worst case scenarios ,but first you must try it on your own, because you can’t substitute parental love and attention with any professional help; and if, you are not ready to guide your child, then someone else will, that could end badly.

Lastly, parents should acknowledge that promoting healthy self-esteem in children is as important as giving your child three meals and a warm jacket in winters. Healthy self-esteem is the greatest gift that parents can give to their children.