I have been married for nearly thirteen years, and my married life is not easy. I understand that it is a test from Allah (swt). I am trying to be patient; I always forgive people, and I always make excuses; however, my husband hates it. He prays and everything, but his relationship with other people is very bad. He tells me that I will not enter Jannah, as he is not pleased with me, and that I am a failure as a wife. In Islam, a wife has to obey her husband. I am trying, and it is very difficult. I have children, and I am teaching Islam to them. I find it very difficult. What is your advice for me, Sheikh?
Answer by Mufti Ismail Menk:
Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Raheem.
I think the sister needs to bear this situation with patience, by the will of Allah (swt), and continue to try her best. Remember, obedience of anyone in the disobedience of Allah (swt) is not applicable. So, yes, you have to obey your husband, but you don’t have to obey him where he is wrong, where he is unreasonable, and where he is asking you to do something that makes you disobey Allah (swt).
If he has a bad habit or bad relation with people and you have a good relation with people, perhaps you can talk to him every once in a while. You said you have been married for thirteen years, so it would not be easy to change a person after such a long time. However, with Duas and with trials, beautiful trials by the will of Allah (swt), you will be able to achieve a change in him. I just want to put all those of you, who are married, into perspective here that every marriage has to have some degree of sacrifice, challenge, and obstacle. There has to be. You will never have 100% compatibility, except in Jannah – so much so that you are just thinking of something and they are thinking of the same thing, and you are like “Wow! Subhan’Allah!”
To read the rest of this article, and more, subscribe to Hiba Magazine.