By Umm Isam

Paradigms of Life

Sean Covey explains that just as we have paradigms (perceptions) about ourselves and others, we also have paradigms about the world in general. They are the spectacles, through which we see the world around us. We can find out what the focal point of our life is by asking ourselves the following questions (as we did in our previous article):

1. What do I think about the most?

2. What do I spend most of my time doing?

3. Who or what is the driving force of my life?

As discussed earlier, some of the more popular life-centres for teenagers were friends and materialistic stuff. Now, we will talk about some other centres of life.

They all have certain good points, but they are also incomplete in one way or the other. We will prove this one by one.

Fiance/spouse-centred

Getting married and falling in love is the most beautiful thing that can happen to anyone. Islam encourages Nikah and considers it to be half of an individual’s Deen. But it also talks about strengthening relationships by merging the positives qualities of two partners into a companionship, which will further provide a strong foundation for their future family.

But love struck as we are sometimes, the love of our life weakens rather than strengthens us. For example, if your fiancé or spouse is in a bad mood or is having a rough day and happens to snap at you, you’ll always react! How? Either by snapping back, crying bitterly or putting on a fiercer mood.

Believe it or not, if you become emotionally dependant on your partner, you will actually become unattractive to him/her. Whichever role you assume, whether it is that of a pitiful victim or a charged bull, you will put off your partner.

A sign, which tells you that your relationship lacks inner strength, is when you are constantly falling into mood swings and ruining your and other people’s day after a fight with your fiancé or spouse.

In situations such as these, Islam teaches us not to over-react; rather, the best course of action is to stay silent. Counseling and communication can happen later, when both parties are in a calm and sane mind frame. It’s about finding inner strength, so that when your partner sinks, you try to save him/her, by staying afloat and helping him/her swim back to the shore, too!

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