I’m a 21-year-old and have an extremely important question. When I was 15, I was very outgoing and had loads of guy friends, including a boyfriend. As circumstances should have it, things did not work out, and he got married to someone else. Since then, I have tried to be a good Muslimah. I want to have a family of my own now, but I don’t want to betray my future husband by having another guy in my mind the whole time. My parents also want me to get married, but I feel I cannot get married. Everything seems distorted. Please help.
Answer: Firstly, I would like to commend you on being such a brave individual and for having grasped the handhold of Islam. This, indeed, is what will lead you to inner peace and harmony, Insha’Allah! Moreover, to realize one’s mistakes and then to beg Allah (swt) for forgiveness is truly a blessing of our Creator. I can understand the grief and despair you are engulfed in; remember that these are very natural emotions and we see the grief of Hazrat Yaqoob (as) in the following Quranic Ayah: “… And he lost his sight because of the sorrow that he was suppressing.” (Yusuf 12:84)
Now, a question may come to one’s mind – why was a Prophet of Allah (swt) tested? Let’s again refer to the Quran: “And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.).” (Al-Baqarah 2:155)
What are these glad tidings? They are our purification – they will elevate our levels in the Hereafter. So what should one do? The Quran gives us the answer in the next Ayah:
“Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: “Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.” (Al-Baqarah 2:156)
“And seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayer).” (Al-Baqarah 2:45)
So pray to Allah (swt) to give you the strength and the Sabr to forget about this boy, who is now married, and to move on with your life!
When we look around ourselves and contemplate the power of Allah (swt), may it be in a flowering plant, it will give conviction that He is the Almighty, Who can erase any painful memory. Often, our vision is myopic – what we may think to have been good for us might have been on the contrary. So have full belief in Allah (swt) that He will guide you towards a better future!
Now that you have identified what is happening to you, use the above solutions to overcome this situation. You can also join a group of young girls for understanding the Quran. As you are still studying, I would recommend a weekend class by the name of “Towards the Light” at 14 Sehr, Defence Housing Authority, Karachi on Saturday afternoons.
There are times, when we wonder, why Allah (swt) would let us go through such trials and difficulties. But Allah (swt) knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him, and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful! Loads of Duas for you.