Dear Haadia

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Haadia - derived from Hidayah or guidance - refers to a panel of counsellors who read and respond to questions sent by Hiba Magazine's readers on a variety of issues affecting their daily lives.

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Recently, I got married into a joint family system and am living happily with my husband. However, my family is not getting along with my in-laws. They claim that my in-laws don’t give them the respect they deserve. What should I do? I am torn between my parents and the duty towards my new household.

Answer: Indeed, your situation is quite precarious, but do remember that Allah (swt) has power over everything, as it is repeatedly stated in the Quran. Do not despair, as long as you reach out to Him. Read Dua-e-Istikharah, after offering two Nawafil and recite Surah Al-Baqarah for three nights – a Hadeeth tells us that in such a case Shaitan would not enter the house.

Apart from this, the marriage sermon delivered by our Prophet (sa) gives the advice that if we say the correct things, Allah (swt) shall set our affairs right. Do not align yourself with someone whom you know to be wrong as Islam lays great emphasis on truth and justice. On the other hand, handle the situation with the greatest of wisdom. There is no need to make hasty choices – simply believe that nobody can snatch from you your fate.

Remember that sometimes there are no black and white solutions – no definite choices for such sort of crises. Keep communication open with both parties and try to limit interaction between your in-laws and parents. Often we see that time is a great healer. Also, remember not to discuss this issue with other people, as it might aggravate the situation, if wrong advice is given or wrong information is shared.

May Allah (swt) be with you and protect you and your family from discord. Ameen.

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