Evacuating Hypocrisy: A Road to Exit Deception

 

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ife is an experience provided to human beings by their Lord so they can access His commands and ensure compliance. Those who trespass and neglect are given warnings of utter doom and despair.

All set, no fret- Till He met!

We are all completely aware of the basic purpose of our Creation. Now, the question is:

Are we prepared to get this experience called life, and move on to the next stage of speculating meetings with our Lord? Do we have the courage to lie alone in the dark graves?

A very few people among us would be willing to exchange this gleaming world with accountability and odyssey towards Allah (swt). We do proclaim our faith and love for Allah (swt); however, only a few are all set to meet Him. This depicts our worldly-mindedness and absence of faith. These aspects arrive into the life of those whose lives are marred by illusions and falsehood.

The greed to attain satisfactions from materialistic possessions, and utmost desire to gain superficial respect from people only makes living more competent, and eventually too stressful. In comparison, the life offered by our Beloved Creator is far more serene and sustaining. Once, you taste the pleasure of connectivity with Your Lord, there is no worldly satisfaction that could gratify you to similar levels.

Allah (swt) said in Holy Quran (Ar-Rad 13:28),

الَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُمْ بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ﴾﴿أَلاَ بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ

“Those who believe, and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allah, Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.”

Allah (swt) said,

(Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.) And surely, He is worthy of it.

It’s dire- the fire of desire!

In generic terms, we find two categories of people in our society, who are most prone to sway from the moral standards.

  • The Ones with Power.
  • The Ones struggling to obtain power or financial uplift.

It is an understood notion that leadership is the responsibility that comes with an immense load of dependence from the public. People who are being ruled have great expectations from their leaders which they desire to be fulfilled. However, this is also a customary human trait that leadership often departs a person from the accustomed ethical framework. Lust of power and greed for extravagant lifestyle, disables the leaders to think for the benefit of people or prosperity of the nation as a whole.

Another noticeable category of people belongs to those who would stoop to deeper levels of hypocrisy albeit all the values instilled within them by cultural and religious systems. These are the people who aim to get into the position of power. They may be the ones aiming for elevation in their financial status. They would get down to the acts like the backing of unjust personnel, faking identities, denying family values, and lying irresistibly in order to get their means.

Abdullah ibn Mas’ood (rta) used to say: “Whoever aids an oppressor or taught him an argument to nullify the right of an ordinary Muslims, has drawn upon himself the anger of Allah (swt).”

Powerology is the ideology!

There are times in our life when we speculate over how a person, or a powerful entity, could take blatant steps that are otherwise inconceivable for the human mind. For instance, the brutal acts of oppression taken against civilians in war-zoned countries like Syria or Iraq. The death of children, women and old civilians make us stop, and think of how a human being could descend to such levels of cruelty. Despite all the political explanations provided as a reason behind such aggression, their main motive is to obtain unparalleled levels of power. They value the worldly gains against all the warnings provided by religion or general morality.

This, in turn, has to be weighed against the transient living that is an undeniable actuality. Undeterred by all the debates presented by atheists about life being a one-time experience, the rationality of Islam enables us to widen our horizons. We firmly believe how life would eventually come to an end, and we will be held accountable for all that we did in this world.

This world’s a stage….

As a Pakistani nation, this belief has been reinstated within us throughout the past years. Deaths of legendary people like charity torch-bearer Abdul Sattar Edhi, and charismatic figure Junaid Jamshed- reinforced among us the fact that life is indeed, a momentary existence.

People whom we thought of having prolonged lives, transforming others’ lives, the ones whom we cannot fathom as dead, were gone in a blink and in the most unbelievable circumstances.

All that shine makes you blind

It is extremely vital for every Muslim man and woman to declare their faith in Allah (swt). Once this has been accomplished, comes the task of understanding the religion and serving Islam. That is supposed to be the main element of human life.

The dilemma of utter disregard being faced by the Muslim world is due to the fact that they have forgotten their creed, and lust for worldly means blinds them.

It is really vital for the Ummah to identify their weak spots; ensure that religious leaders target on the areas like sectarianism, and make efforts to rectify deeds of masses. On an individual level, the unworthy status of life has to be realized; each person has to make efforts for the amendment. This would mean instant repentance towards Allah (swt), and pledge to comply with all Divine commandments.

The two aspects of repentance and compliance would penetrate into a Muslim’s life when they find true guidance in the light of Quran and Sunnah

. It is highly recommended in the gloomiest times of this era that each person returns to the fundamental legislative given by Allah (swt). Make efforts and try understanding what Quran says to each person. It is then advised to preach the message of Quran far and wide through all possible means. Positive exploitation of social and print media could allow the Scholars, or even common Quran students to make the message of Allah (swt) reach across oceans. This may take many years to ripen and show results, but the journey has to begin at this very moment.

The expedition is thorny and tedious, however, the sluggish movement will be assisted by Allah (swt); His help would ensure rejuvenation of Muslim world. Along with, the efforts will also bring changes in individual behaviors where people would realize the unworthiness of life and recompense by liberating themselves from false desires of power or elevated social status.

When Shaytan enters Heart

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The other beauty of this Ayah, Allah (swt) didn’t say, “Fee sudoo-rihim mara-dun”

He said: “Fee-quloo-bihim mara-dun.”

There is a big difference “Sudoo” and “Quloob”. Let me explain that to you. I think most of you know Surah An-Nas.

“Al-laz-ee yu was-wisu fee sudoo rin-nas.”

We don’t say “Al-laz-ee yu was-wisu fee quloobin nas.”

We say: “Al-laz-ee yu was-wisu fee sudoo rin-nas.”

If it said Quloob in Nas, you would have translated it as the one who whispers in the hearts of people. That is not what it says, it says, “The one who whispers in the chests of people.

Now, there is a difference between the heart and the chest. The chest is actually a place. The thing inside this place, the treasure inside this place is the heart. Shaytan has access, not to your heart; Shaytan has access to your chest. Think of the heart as your home, and think of the chest as the fence around your home; the front porch, the backyard. Shaytan has access to your property, but he can’t walk in until you open the door. You understand?

The heart is your home and that is locked, you can’t let him in. But he won’t come and knock: “Hey hey! You want to listen to something? I got something for you.”

Our job is to sense when Shaytaan is knocking on our hearts. Because he is close, he is in the chest.

And, he won’t whisper in the chest. When someone is knocking on the outside, can it be heard inside? Can it be? Yeah.

And, the thing is, sometimes when people knock, you can shoo them away; and sometimes, when people knock, you open the door.  If you open the door enough times, he moves in. He just moves in; and when an outsider moves in, they start redecorating the place. You understand that, right? And so, what happens is- if you don’t let him in, you have your own sense of what is beautiful. You have your own sense of what is good: which colors are nice, which furniture is nice. When you let the intruder move in, you come one day-  the walls are pink, and the furniture is green, and all the plates are purple. “What just happened here?”

“Well! This is my taste, this is what I like, you know. He has turned the kitchen into the living room and the bathroom into the guest room.” You are like: “What is going on here?”

Why am I telling you this? Because, if you let Shaytan inside your heart, inside that home; then, what used to be beautiful becomes ugly, and what used to be ugly becomes beautiful; and that is why Allah (swt) says, “Shaytan (Satan) made their deeds fair-seeming to them,.” (Al-Ankabut 29:38)

Shaytan cannot make anything ugly beautiful for you, until he is where? Inside of your heart. Now, if you don’t let Shaytaan in your heart, what is still in your heart? Iman.

“Allah has endeared the Faith to you and has beautified it in your hearts.” (Al Hujurat 49:7)

You understand this imagery? Now Allah (swt) says here,

“Fee-quloo-bihim mara-dun.”

“In their hearts, there is a disease.”

Oh oh! This is a problem. Because, it is not limited outside the chest, now it’s made its way into the heart. Now, if an intruder comes into your heart, into your home. What are you supposed to do? As soon as you realize this was a bad idea, now you are supposed to kick him out. So, sometimes, we do listen to Shaytan. Don’t we? Sometimes we do open the door.

And, the moment the realization hits, what are you supposed to do?

(A’oodthu billahi minash-shaitanir-rajeem)

You seek refuge. You kick him out, you push him away. That’s what you are supposed to do. But, if you allow him to stay in, and you allow him to cook his way, and you allow him to stink up the place. Then you know what? You are going to start getting sick. You are going to start feeling sick.

By the way, this whole imagery is going to come a full circle a few Ayahs later, we are going to find “Wa-iza khal-oo ilaa Shayateen-ihim.”

So, now there is a disease inside their hearts.

The thing is, though, Allah (swt) empowered every single human being:

“Inna ibadee layisa laka Alayhim sultan.”

Shaytan was told to his face, “My slaves, you will have no authority over them.” (Surah Al- Hijr 15:42)

He cannot force his way into your heart, and he cannot force his way to stink. The moment you say, “Get out!”- he has to get out.

So, if you let him in and you let him stay, that is not because he has control; that is because you never kicked him out. And, if you refuse, Allah (swt) gave you every tool possible to kick him out. Just say:

A’oodthu billahi minash-shaitanir-rajeem.

“In their hearts is a disease (of doubt and hypocrisy) and Allah has increased their disease.” (Surah Baqarah 2:10)

Just make Istighfar, he will be gone.

Transcribed by Anoshia Riaz

 

 

How to Change your Life?

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So let’s now talk in these few minutes we have together about how to at least practically build that solution.

We talk about reminders, we talk about grand things; then we talk about advice, I believe to talk about advice in a very practical- even minimalist point of view: things that you can practically do. And, that’s why I don’t like to share much personally, even though I read them for myself for inspiration. I don’t like to share the stories of the Tabi’oon and the Sahaba, the companions of the Prophet (rta) who prayed the entire night, or recited the whole Quran in a week, or made Dua. I don’t share them, you know why? Because, you know what happens to most of you when you hear them?

“Man, they were so awesome! I am so bad. Assalam-o-Alaikum.”

That is the end of that.

“Man. Sahaba were really cool. I am so going to hell.”

That’s it.

Let’s start little by little.

The Arabs have a saying; it is in many of our cultures too: “the first of the heavy rain is just a drop, and then it pours down.”

Discipline your life

Let it build little by little. The first thing you got to do is that you have to discipline your life people! I have to do it. You have to do it. You know what it means to discipline your life?

  • Sleep early

Go to sleep early. Pray Isha and go to sleep. Don’t go to Hookah joint until 12:30 a.m. Don’t go see a movie. Don’t hang out with your friends. Don’t watch Islamic lectures until 2 in the morning. Do not! It is not beneficial for you. Pray Isha, go to sleep and wake up early. Wake up before Fajr. Give yourself 30 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes. I know it seems impossible. It is only impossible because of Netflix at night. Okay? That’s the only reason it is impossible. Give the night life up. Let the night be for sleep.

  • Timely Pray Fajr in the Masjid

At least, you are not accumulating sin every night. At least, you are not burying your heart under more sin every night. At least, you are sleeping. At least, you are innocent for that much. Then you wake up and you pray. At least, start with praying Fajr on time. And the guys here, at least at least, once a week guys, make it to the Masjid for Fajr. I don’t ask you every day. Just one day a week, give yourselves one day a week. And, you don’t catch the second Rakah right before the Salam. Right? And, then after you finish, making it up-

“Ah! Masjid today. It’s right!”

Get to the Masjid early. Let me tell you something about Fajr in the Masjid: it has a spiritual impact that only people who go to it will experience, and it can’t be explained in the lecture.

When you go to prayer, and you sit there in the Masjid quietly, and you wait for the prayer to start. And, you sit there and recite the Quran; and you ask Allah (swt) to forgive you in those morning hours; and then, you stand next to other believers and countless armies of angels; and you stand and pray in front of Allah (swt) early morning, giving up your sleep which only happened because you gave up your night life. When you do that even once a week, the joy you will get out of it as you walk out of the Masjid, you will wish to yourself, you did that every morning. I swear to it, I guarantee it. You are going to walk out of that Masjid; you going to wish, “Man! I wish I could do this every morning.”

You really will. But start with once a week.

Transcribed for Hiba by Anoshia Riaz

Met my Lord: To the Moon and Back

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Boredom of vacation was literally murdering me. Everything felt mundane and dull. I had pretty much nothing to do. I just sat there going through face book- filled with posts and videos- that were not, at all, grabbing my attention. I decided why not complain to my mother about this, after all that’s all we kids can do. So, this is what my mother said

“Your dad is going out to pick your sister, why don’t you go too? Get some fresh air.”

I thought why not. I can make my dad go to the bakery on the way back and get my favourite cookies! I changed into something tidy and presentable, and was ready for this little trip. I couldn’t wait to reach the bakery; I mean, who doesn’t like freshly baked chocolate chip cookies?

I sat there in the car, wind gushing away my hair, it felt good. I looked up towards the sky. The sky was breathtaking; it was reddish-purple. The gentle sunshine peaking through the scattered clouds, radiant but calm. Eagles were soaring high up, wings spread out widely, feeling the wind and celebrating their freedom.

I thought for a second- Who created all this? Who is the One Who made this dazzling sky that changed its colour with every passing moment? Who created these birds, with enormous wings? Who is holding the sky, and preventing it from falling over us? Who is changing the weather from warm to cool by sending soothing, gentle breeze to us. Who is setting the sun? Who is controlling this impeccable system?  Who brings back the calmness of the night? Who?

I only had one answer. Allah (swt). My Lord, your Lord- the Lord of all that exists- Subhan’Allah! Who knew that a careless and reckless person like me would stare at the sky, and praise the beauty of Allah (swt). Only my Lord made me apprehend this. Everywhere I looked, I thought of Allah (swt). I couldn’t count His blessings. My mind was too small to enumerate His gifts; too small to appreciate or even understand His Strength and His Might.

Ya Allah (swt)! I asked myself- when was the last time I praised my Lord? My brain had signalled my eyes to produce tears.

I was remembering my Lord, after a long time. I wanted to trap my tears in my eyes- but like me, they broke away, flowing freely down my cheeks. I was daunted, disheartened by my own soul. I could hear the Adhan. “Come to Prayer.” The Muadh-dhin called out. Where were my prayers I asked myself? Why had I been ignoring my daily communication with my Lord? Was praying five times that hard? I had ravaged my own soul, destroyed my own self.

I looked back up towards the sky, it was getting darker; the sky was exhibiting shades of indigo. Birds were hastening back to their nests, and the clouds were gliding away with the wind. There was a weird sense of tranquility in the air. My heart felt open. I didn’t know when I got home. But, as soon as I did, I did Wudhu. Every drop of water cleansed my soul. I ran towards the prayer mat. And after a long time, prayed. Tears were still flowing, and my body was trembling.

I got up from my last Sujood, feeling lighter than ever. I finished my prayer, and wiped my tears away. I made a promise to myself that I will never abandon prayer again. I looked back at the sky, it was dark, velvety and the stars were glittering. Amazed once again by its magnificence, but more significantly, deeply in love with its Creator!

Happiness is- When You Act Alhumdulillah

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What makes a person happy- his money, his family or entertainment? If looked deeply- none of these things really matter. People live on soft beds, eat the best food, have the most loving and compassionate family and friends- but still end up claiming that they are not happy; or just do not have enough of what they want.

While, on the other hand, there are people who regardless of having no such luxuries in their life- shun smiles that reflect the light of happiness in their hearts. Well, psychologists have scientifically proven that our overall happiness in life doesn’t depends on how much we have in terms of material things, or love from others; rather it depends on how much gratitude we show.

In our monotonous life routine, we don’t realize that how blessed we are.

We forget that our Lord tells us in the Holy Quran that, And (remember) when your Lord proclaimed: “If you give thanks (by accepting Faith and worshipping none but Allah), I will give you more (of My Blessings), but if you are thankless (i.e. disbelievers), verily! My Punishment is indeed severe.””(Ibrahim 14:7). This verse is a blessing for us. Here Allah (swt) says that he will increase us- keeping the term general-  it means that if we show gratitude, Allah (swt) will increase us in different ways, things, and in different dimensions; there are endless possibilities.

Gratitude contributes to our lives in tremendous ways. It improves our relationship with Allah (swt) and with the people around us.

Psychological studies have shown that gratitude makes us more optimistic, and correlates with mental and physical wellbeing, as well as, generosity.

Hence, overall gratitude is related to all the good things in life- especially happiness; the incentive behind every drive of ours.

It is very important that we know what gratitude really is, and how it should be exhibited. Just saying Alhumdulillah is not enough. We have to confront deeply, and acknowledge that whatever Allah (swt) has given us is best for us. Gratitude should be brought into action as well; it should be exhibited in the way we talk, the way we pray, and the way we deal with the ones around us. It also not just limited to Allah (swt); we should also be thankful to the ones around us as they  are a blessing from Allah (swt).

The recipe for happiness seems pretty simple- you just have to say thank you; however, it isn’t easy sometimes I can understand, but it’s also not that hard.

These simple things can help you to show more gratitude. But, before you do any of these- first realize that we were once just a drop of semen, a clot of blood, we were nothing, and it was Allah (swt) who made us a human being with an identity, a name, a soul, and whatever we have. Allah (swt) doesn’t owe anything to us.

First of all, we should realize that ups and downs are a part of life. Dunya wasn’t meant to be perfect, it isn’t Jannah. With every hardship, we are experiencing some good happening to us at the same time.

Secondly, before sleeping and after waking up, we must count our blessing, or compare ourselves with those who are less fortunate than us; praise Allah (swt) as much as possible through Dhikr, Salah, and other ways of worship.

Thirdly, we should motivate ourselves to show gratitude by thinking about the reward, and the blessings we will get by showing gratitude; and fear that our ingratitude could displease our master.

Fourthly, make lots and lots of this Dua, and talk to Allah (swt),

Allah humma A’inni Ala Dhikrika Wa Shukrika Wa Husni Ibadatika

Fifth, we should avoid using words like ‘If’ and ‘I wish’, and avoid focusing on what we hate- rather we should try to focus on what we already have, and the goodness it brings to us; and how we can make the best out of it.

Finally,  keep a gratitude journal where you write about the things you are really thankful for. In your Duas, tell Allah (swt) that how happy you are about the thing you have. Tell your mom, dad, and family or friends that you love them, and appreciate their efforts for you.

Sky or Paradise- What is your Limit?

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“Sky is the limit” is a common phrase used for encouraging people to achieve the highest of their targets. Why not? After all, shouldn’t a person desire and attempt for a higher and higher goal? Striving hard and moving ahead must be the objective of each and every enterprising man. But, noteworthy is the theme this slogan carries, “Sky is the limit”. Its just a mundane slogan having nothing to do with achieving the skills spiritually too.

Therefore, let’s renounce this secular traditional phrase, and say it like: “Paradise is the limit”?  With just a little amendment, using “Paradise” in place of “Sky”, the entire scenario alters and encourages to-  acquire the goals worldly, as well as, spiritually.  Jannat ul Firdous, the Paradise, receives the priority now.  With this minute modification, one’s entire focus gets remoulded. So, why not should we make an effort for the highest achievements in life, here and hereafter? Why should we remain deprived of the divine rewards from Allah (swt) in the Paradise?

 

Wonder cage around our chest

 

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One must not have pondered over why our chest is secured by a round cage of ribs. It could have been in a square or rectangle form.  Had it been so, men and women would have faced innumerable obstacles, and the life would have gone miserable. Each time there would be a danger of collision with the cage of another person it would have resulted in wounds and cracks in the ribs-, creating additional damages to other parts of the body too.

Hence, its Allah (swt) Who has wisely framed our bodies. The cage of the chest is always round instead of being rectangular or square.

 

 

Sexual Abuse – A WakeUp Call for Parents!

 

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This piece of information is specially for those who send their children to schools with drivers and servants; those who send their children alone to Madrassas and tuitions; those who leave their children behind alone with servants and teachers; and those who let their adult friends play with their children alone; or at times, even let them take them for a drive. Please note- abuse is not restricted to girls only.

Sexual Harassment is an epidemic that is still widely unattended. It is committed every day in several places of Pakistan. Even the Western world is not spared of this heinous act.

Every two hours somewhere a child is sexually molested in Pakistan. This statistic is based on the few cases that are actually reported by hospitals. These cases are so disturbing that none could be penned here. Most of the cases go on unreported.

When that force is immediate, of short duration, or infrequent, it is called “Sexual Assault”. The offender is referred to as “Sexual Abuser” or “Molester”. Molestation is defined as the touching or fondling of the private parts of a child; or asking a child to touch or fondle an adult’s private parts.

A child is “Sexually Abused” when they are forced, or persuaded to take part in sexual activities.This doesn’t have to be physical contact, and it can happen online- which is extremely common these days. Most of the time, the child won’t even understand that he/she is being abused.They may not even understand that it’s wrong. Most of the victims are very young, and cannot understand, or even remember in the future.

Mostly, abuse begins with innocent physical contact. A needy adult then makes this a routine. Once a routine is developed, it is not uncommon to progress to intercourse. The most common perpetrators of sexual abuse are: a family member, a servant, or a close friend of the family.

Sexual abuse by a stranger is quite uncommon; it commonly comes to light when the child discloses the incident of sexual contact to a trusted adult.

Historically, a child’s word was not taken seriously. Mostly, children realize when they become mature enough, that they have been abused.

The molesters have no age barriers. They are found in all age brackets. The most innocent looking weak elderly can be a horrifying molester. It can be termed as a psychological abnormality. We must educate ourselves and our children about sexual abuse. This topic is not discussed enough; hence, millions of innocent children fall prey to sexual harassment every single day. It is our responsibility to protect our children.There is a scary amount of data which could be shared, but it may disturb many people, especially children. Every now and then, we come across soul wrenching events of sexual abuse that involve children’s own family members. After hearing such incidents, one starts to wonder who could be trusted. Most common events take place with teachers, uncles, servants and drivers.

Children must not be left alone with servants, uncles and male teachers. Their clothes must not be too revealing or too tight.

Frustrated and needy people are everywhere; there is no need to dress up children in enticing outfits. If one wants to learn how common sexual abuse is, a visit to a government hospital emergency ward, and a short discussion with the staff may suffice the need. People couldn’t sleep for days after hearing the horrible stories.

It is difficult to manage keeping an eye on children at all times, but parenting is a challenging job. Parents need to make sure their children are properly protected. They need to make smart and careful decisions. It is a known fact that children who experience the trauma of sexual abuse are scarred for life. Parent’s responsibility is to protect their children from all potential threats.

 

[Transcription] Sunnah of Marriage and its Amazing Benefits

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Assalamu Alaiykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,

O Slaves of Allah (swt), look around you; look at the amazing creation of Allah (swt) around you; look at the laws that Allah (swt) governs His creation with. As human beings, you and I, we need food and drink to survive, we need air to breathe, and we need a proper shelter to protect ourselves. Likewise, as human beings, we need relationships in the form of family and friends to survive. We are not a creation that was created to live in solitude. As our Maker rightfully states in the Noble Quran,

O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa (i.e. one of the Muttaqun) Verily, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.” (Al Hujurat 49:13)

Our Powerful and Beloved Maker also states in the Noble Quran,

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.”(Ar-Rum  30:21)

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam, just pause for a moment to reflect. Our Powerful Maker, if He had willed, He could have created us with no need at all towards a mate or a spouse. He could have created us like certain unicellular organisms, and made us to reproduce by ourselves without the need for a mate or a partner. But, on the other hand, out of His infinite power and wisdom, He created us in pairs. As He states,

And of everything We have created pairs, that you may remember (the Grace of Allah).” (Adh-Dhariyat 51:49)

From this, we understand that marriage is one of Allah’s (swt) laws; one of the laws of Allah (swt), as well as, a great and beautiful Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (sa). So, for today’s episode, as I am sure, most of you must have already guessed, it is going to be about the beautiful Sunnah of Nikkah; the beautiful Sunnah of marriage. The blessed bond of marriage is something that holds a position of perpetual significance- because of the pivotal role it plays in a human being’s life. Therefore, the pure teachings of Islam encourage marriage and discourages monasticism. In one narration, the Prophet (sa) is reported to have said:

“Monasticism has not been enjoined upon us, Do you not have a role model, a beautiful role model in me?” The narration goes along the lines of these words… “By Allah (swt)- verily I fear Allah (swt), and I stay away from His boundaries more than any of you.” (Bukhari)

Look at the words of Prophet (sa). The Prophet (sa), is also reported to have said (and the narration has been recorded in the book of Imam Bukhari (ra) and Imam Muslim (ra):

The narration goes along the lines of these words:

Indeed, I swear by Allah (swt), I fear Allah (swt), and I am conscious of Allah (swt) better than any of you; yet, I fast some days and break my fast on others. I pray part of the night and sleep part of the night, and I marry women. So, anyone who dislikes my Sunnah is not a follower of me.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

And, we are all familiar with the famous narration of the Prophet (sa) where he addresses youth, and this narration is recorded in Bukhari and Muslim.

“O youth, those among you who can afford marriage, should do so, for it lowers the gaze and guards the private parts from fornication. And those who cannot afford it, should fast, for fasting is like a shield (i.e. it suppresses the desire of an individual, and protects him from that which is forbidden, that which is Haram).” 

Alhumdulillah, now that we have established that marriage is one of the laws of Allah (swt), governing mankind, as well as, a great Sunnah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (sa). It is sure to have many virtues and advantages attached to it. So, let’s discuss a few of them.

  1. Preservation of one’s faith and Deen

A righteous spouse is considered to be a ticket to paradise- a ticket to Jannah. Righteous spouses help and assist one another in pleasing Allah (swt), obeying Allah (swt) and staying away from that which displeases Allah (swt). The Prophet (sa) is reported to have said:

When Allah (swt) grants an individual a righteous wife, He has helped him to preserve or safeguard half of his Deen. Let him then fear and be conscious of Allah (swt), in regard to the other half of his Deen.

(Tabarani)

  1. Helps in preservation of one’s chastity and purity

We men, it’s part of our Fitrah, our natural disposition that we have a desire for women, and women have a desire for men; the devil seizes this opportunity to entice us, and seduce us with the opposite gender. But, a married individual has a quick means of protection to protect himself from the seductions, and the snares of the devil. For after all, what on earth can a woman have that his wife does not already have?

  1. The couple enjoys love, mercy, closeness, intimacy and security

 Love and mercy are extremely important sentiments that brighten an individual’s life, and Allah (swt) states in the verse mentioned earlier- that He has placed love and mercy, passion and compassion between the two spouses.

He also states in another place,

“They are Libas (i.e. body cover, or screen), or Sakan (i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with her), for you and you are the same for them.” (Al Baqarah  2:187)

There is this wonderful feeling of closeness and intimacy that is savoured, and enjoyed by the married couple.

  1. The lawful fulfillment of desires

 As I stated earlier, that our Maker has instilled in us the desire for the opposite gender, this desire can be fulfilled in unlawful ways which will bring about disastrous effects upon the individuals, as well as, societies at large. But, alternatively from the favours of our Lord is that He provided for us with marriage- a lawful avenue for venting out our desires. Our beautiful religion is the only religion, I think, that considers even the sexual relationship between two spouses a form of Ibadah; a form of worship. Look at this amazing narration where some of the companions of the Prophet (sa) go to him, and complain about the wealthy individuals from them enjoying a better chance at getting more rewards than them. They went and said to him, that they pray and fast like us, but they dish out charity from the surplus of wealth that they have at their disposal. The prophet (sa) asked them, but has not Allah (swt) given you that which you may offer as charity? And, then he taught them something just mind blowing:

Every Tasbeeh, saying Subhan’Allah is a charity.

Every Takbeer, saying Allahu Akbar is a charity.

Every Tehleel, saying La illaha illa Allah is a charity.

Every Tahmeed, saying Alhumdulillah is a charity.

 Enjoining good and forbidding evil is charity

Having a sexual relationship with your spouse is also considered a charity.

The Sahabah (rta) (companions) were amazed, they asked the Prophet (sa): “Ya Rasool Allah (sa), even the sexual relationship that an individual enjoys with his spouse is considered a charity? And, the Prophet (sa) went on to clarify that: “Yes! (The narration goes along the lines in these words). For if that individuals were to fulfill his desires in a Haram, in a forbidden manner, of course, he would be sinning. So, if he were to fulfill it in a Halal manner with his spouse, through the beautiful bond of marriage, naturally he has to be rewarded by Allah (swt).” (Bukhari)

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam, with that we conclude today’s episode.

Jazakumullahu Khairan, WassalaamuAlaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

Judge not, that ye be not judged

Image Courtesy www.imgrum.org

 

Ever felt, eyes following you while you walked through the gate of your workplace or institute? Or whispers following you as you pass by. I’m sure you have. We all have. But unfortunately, not only have we been the victims of these scanning eyes and creepy whispers- but also, the culprit and offender. Yes, admit it. We have been the offenders as well. At least, most of us are. Most of us do it as an instinctive habit, or an automatic reflex. Especially us females, we just need to evaluate and comment. We need to realize that it is ethically and religiously wrong.

We are human beings, created weak, and full of flaws. We are extremely imperfect. We all make mistakes, we have our weaknesses, and we all have our flaws. Just because your colleague has flaws different than you, it doesn’t make you a better person.

Or, just because your class mate sins differently, or in a more obvious way than you- you might be a better Muslim than her. Who gave us the right to judge? What do we know what is in the heart of a person? What do we know about his problems? Only Allah (swt) knows. He knows and only He can judge.

The more one judges, the less one loves

Even worse is judging people on the things they have no control over- such as: race, colour, skin colour, height, or any physical feature. Always remember Allah (swt) made us the way we are, and Allah (swt) is Perfect.

The next time you ridicule someone’s fat nose- remember, you are making fun of something Allah (swt) has created.

We can easily laugh at a fat person. But, little do we know, how much it can kill that person from inside; how much it can hurt his confidence. Maybe, the person you are calling fat might have a disease he might be fighting day and night with. Did our religion, our beautiful religion, teach us to be such monsters, filled with so much apathy?

Yes, she might not be wearing Hijab- but little do you know that she stays up all night praising Allah (swt) and asking forgiveness; while you sleep carelessly all night, and wear your Hijab with arrogance. We don’t know. That’s why we should never judge a book by its cover.

Never judge a person for the sin he might have done. Allah (swt) might have already forgiven the person you might be talking about.

Imagine, where does that place you? Only Allah (swt) knows what is in the hearts of people, only He knows the intentions- the intentions of good deeds and bad deeds. A person might be despising a sin he might be committing- trying day and night to end it; while a person who prays five times a day in Masjid might be doing it just to show the world. Who do you think is more rewarded- the person struggling hard to leave a sin, or the person praying just to show off?

Let’s learn to admire the good in people. Let’s learn to be kind; let’s learn to be less judgemental and more loving. Let’s learn to find our own faults and strive to correct them. No one is perfect. Only Allah (swt) is flawless!

Allah (swt) Forgives All Sins

forgive

Image Courtesy http://islamicposts101.blogspot.com

By Anoshia Riaz

Being worried and concerned about the day that you are going to meet Allah (swt) – the Day of Judgement- when all the secrets of your heart will lay bare if you have not sought forgiveness.

Why I say if you have not sought forgiveness?

Because Islam is based on mercy- it is a religion of peace and mercy. It starts off with the terms or the words of the blessed noble Quran, right at the beginning, known as Surah-Al-Fatiha.

Al humdu lillaahi rabbil ‘alameen

You are praising your Maker. You are declaring all praise to the Maker-the Rabb. The Rabb here refers to the One who created-
Nourisher, Cherisher, Sustainer, Provider, Protector, and Curer.

All these terms are included in the term Rabbun, made of two letters in the Arabic language: One Raa and two Baa. So, praise be to Allah (swt), Lord of the worlds. Then what does Allah (swt) say?

Allah (swt) declares immediately that not only is He the Merciful, but the faith that He has asked you to believe, to be a follower of the faith of mercy; the faith that is based on hope, not the faith that is based on the wrath and the anger of Allah (swt). Therefore, he could have chosen after “Alhumdulillahi Rabb-il Aal’ameen” whatever he wanted. He could have spoken about punishment, he could have spoken about so many other things- but, he chose to say “Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem” – the qualities which are repeated by me and you who pray so many times a day. Every unit of prayer, we repeat Allah (swt) is the one who is “Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem” – the Merciful, the Merciful. It’s actually Merciful twice. Different types of mercy, one is ‘broader’ than the other. This is making mention of how beautiful the faith is. That is why, I say that those who repent, and who seek forgiveness from Allah (swt). Wallahi, my dear brothers and sisters, your sin is wiped out. Never let the devil come back to you and make you think: “You know what, your sin was too big and you are not forgiven.” No way! That is one of the plots of devil. Allah (swt) says,

“Say: “O ‘Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful..” (Az-Zumar 39:53)

Do not become despondent; if you become despondent, or if you despair, or if you think that your sin is not forgiven by Allah (swt) – you have insulted Allah (swt) because He says,

Allah (swt) will forgive all sins. What you need to do is repent. Which brings me to a point that Muslim is he or she who constantly turns to Allah (swt): “O Allah forgive me! There are sins I have committed that I don’t even know. I was on a street today, and I looked at things that might displease you. There are things that I might have said today which you did not like. Ya’Allah (swt) forgive me for the sins I know, and the sins I do not know. I admit, I regret, I seek forgiveness and I promise I would not do it again. Those are the four conditions of the acceptance of your repentance.

The best Muslim constantly seeks the forgiveness of Allah (swt). The Prophet Muhammad (sa) was the ultimate best. No competition, hands down. He was the best.

What did he do?

Look at the Ahadeeth.

Look at the sayings of the companions where they say that he sought forgiveness around 70 times a day, 100 times a day. Why?

He was sinless, spotless. But, it is because it was a lesson for every one of us. You want to be the best Muslim. Learn to turn to Allah (swt), everyday!

Seek forgiveness of Allah (swt). I will tell you, start your day seeking forgiveness of Allah (swt) every single day, and you end your day seeking forgiveness of Allah (swt) each day. One day you will leave this world. And, if you make this a habit of seeking forgiveness, the day you leave this Earth, you would have sought forgiveness of Allah (swt) on that same day. So, when your deeds go up, the angels will obviously have the deeds laid bare, and it will be seen that the day you died, you told Allah (swt): “O Allah (swt), I seek your forgiveness.”

Be hopeful my brothers and sisters, this is a religion of hope! Never let the devil make you think you are right off! The best Muslim is he who constantly has hope in the mercy of Allah (swt); who knows that the devil wants to trap me.

Video URL (courtesy Muslim Speakers YouTube Channel) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNphN65mJjE

Exclusive Interview with Brother Raja Zia-ul-Haq

YouthClub

Hiba Magazine conducted an exclusive interview with Brother Raja Zia-ul-Haq, President and CEO, Youth Club.

Raja Zia-ul-Haq is a prominent motivational speaker, life coach and ‘spiritual cardiologist’ from Islamabad.

The interview was conducted by Talha Arif, a 15-year-old student of L2L Academy, on behalf of Hiba.

You can listen to the audio of the interview below:

Everything about Jannah will be Upgraded

jannah

Image Courtesy www.pinterest.com

 

 

And the slaves of the Most Beneficent (Allah) are those who walk on the earth in humility and sedateness, and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness. And those who spend the night before their Lord, prostrate and standing. And those who say: “Our Lord! Avert from us the torment of Hell. Verily! Its torment is ever an inseparable, permanent punishment.”Evil indeed it (Hell) is as an abode and as a place to dwell. And those, who, when they spend, are neither extravagant nor niggardly, but hold a medium (way) between those (extremes). And those who invoke not any other Ilah (god) along with Allah, nor kill such life as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace; except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds, for those, Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds, then verily, he repents towards Allah with true repentance. And those who do not witness falsehood, and if they pass by some evil play or evil talk, they pass by it with dignity. And those who, when they are reminded of the Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) of their Lord, fall not deaf and blind thereat. And those who say: “Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqun.(Al-Furqan 25:63-74)

“The slaves of Allah (swt) who control their anger; and also those who pray in the middle of the night; and also those who make Dua to be saved from the fire of Jahannum; and also those who are financially responsible; and also and also….”

Slaves of Allah (swt), masters in Jannah!

They will be compensated with very high, lofty mansions. They will be given palaces because of the Sabr they had. Because of the patience they had.

What is Allah (swt) telling us? All of these qualities require what? Sabr.

What does Sabr mean?

Sabr does not only mean patience; it means constancy. Let me tell you what constancy is because Ramadan is coming. Some people become very good Muslims in the month of Ramadan, but they don’t have the Sabr to continue after Ramadan.

You can have these good qualities. You can control your anger, but you say that I controlled it for like two months, I ran out of gas. Then, I went back to normal again. No. no! Sabr means when you take these qualities for life. If you are able to make that a lifestyle choice, then you get Jannah.

And, they are going to be greeted by angels in Jannah. They are walking in there, and they are going to be greeted:

“Assalam-o-Alaikum! You are here! So happy to see you, this is your palace. Congratulations! It has all of these entrances. By the way, there is a waterfall on the back, go check it out.”

All of this, and they are giving you a full tour of the palaces. You are being greeted. Angels are your tour guide in Jannah.

And, when you go to an expensive place- you know, sometimes, hotels look like palaces. You go and spend how many nights in the hotel? One. Two. It is expensive.  And, then you realize- I am going to leave, but I should take some pictures before I go. Or, you go to some beautiful island, some beautiful resort for vacation- how long do you stay there? Just a little bit.

You are being given this beautiful tour. Allah (swt) says, “Khali-dee-naa Fee-haa” they are going to stay here. This is not temporary. It is your home now. This is where you are going to live. This is such an awesome place to be temporarily and long-term. Now the question comes, how come Allah (swt) mentions Jannah temporarily? Why did he mention “Must-aqarr”? Because if you make it to one level of Jannah, it might be that Allah (swt) is giving you the option, it might be that He might upgrade you to the executive suite.  Next level of Jannah!

So, this home that you have in Jannah- as awesome as it is- might be temporary. Because, Allah (swt) is going to upgrade you; it might be that when you are upgraded, Allah (swt) is about to upgrade you again. And, so this is an open Ayat for Muslims. It may be that as Jannah has seven levels, you make it to level one. May be you made it to the basement of level one. Then, Allah (swt) is offering you over time, Must-aqarr, more above and above. I will keep giving you better, Subhan’Allah! It is awesome.

In one of the descriptions of Jannah in the Quran, we find:

“Maa-kitheen-aa Fee-h’i Aba’da’a – In which they will remain forever” [Al- Kahf 18:3]

Maa’kith, in Arabic Language, means someone who is waiting for something and they are excited. Musa (as) told his family: “Wait here! I am going to go and see that fire! Um-ku-su’o, you stay here.”

When they are staying, are they waiting excitedly? Like I can’t wait till he comes back, or they may be like: “Yeah! Might as well stay here”. No! They are nervous, they are excited, and they are waiting for the next thing. Allah (swt) says in the Quran, “We will constantly be waiting in Jannah with excitement.” You know what that means?

Allah (swt) will give you fruit and you will eat it like: “Aah! that was amazing!” And then, you are excited because the next delivery is coming. Then, Allah (swt) will show you a palace, and you will be so happy; but then you are excited because the next palace is about to be shown. You are constantly going to be upgraded, and this is going to happen forever. You can’t go beyond iPhone 5 guys; you have to wait, and you have to make Dua for six. You got Samsung whatever that is it. You have to wait till the upgrade. But, everything in Jannah will be upgraded, permanently, permanently, you keep moving upwards.

That is: “…Hasunat musta-qar-ranw-wa muqaamaa – Good is the settlement and residence. [Al Furqan 25:76].”

I shared these verses with you because I want to encourage you and your families to be Ibad-ur-Rahman. Allah (swt) did not tell us that you have to do all of this. He said at least do one of these. Give me one of these, so I have a reason to call you Ibad-ur-Rahman. Give Allah (swt) a reason to call you Ibad-ur-Rahman. Give Allah (swt) a reason, you know. He is so loving and kind that instead of setting higher requirements, he lowers the requirements. Okay, you can’t do that one, how about this one, how about this one. Subhan’Allah.

May Allah (swt) truly make us Ibad-ur-Rahman; and may Allah (swt) put Barakah in this community. Ameen!

 

Transcribed by Anoshia Riaz

 

Tips for a Happy Marriage

muslim-couple-muslim-couples-hijab-bright

Image Courtesy www.muslimvillage.com

 

When was the last time you sent your wife an SMS?

You say: “Why should I? She does not deserve this.”

No Ya Akhi! While you are in your office, what’s wrong in sending her an SMS saying: ‘I love you- I miss you!’?

You say: “Shaikh, this is inappropriate, me saying to my wife: I love you. Are you stupid?”

The Prophet (sa) used to say this. The Prophet (sa), whenever Aisha (ra) used to drink from a glass of milk, he would take it and look where she put her lips and drink from it.

Nowadays, the husband says: ‘Honey, bring me a spoon so that I can eat with it.’

She says: ‘Take my spoon.’

‘Are you crazy? Wash it seven times with water, and once with soil, and then bring it over.’

What kind of husband is this? Ya Akhi! She is your wife.

The Prophet (sa) used to see the meat where she took a bite from and he would put his mouth on it. This is the love we want. So, send her an SMS, when you coming from work Ya Akhi! Buy her a rose, seven riyals for a rose; or buy her a dress.

And, when you see your husband coming out of the shower- (and most men do this huh?) They stand in front of the mirror, and do muscle stretching, and say: ‘Honey, how do I look? She breaks into laughter for half an hour, what’s wrong? She laughs for half an hour. On the contrary, when he says like this, she should say: ‘Masha’Allah, I wonder whether your biceps are bigger or Arnold Schwarzenegger’s, wow! You look beautiful my love, my hubby. You should say this, this increases love. Same thing happens with us. When the Mrs. dresses up, and going to a wedding or a party, she says: ‘How do I look?  You say: ‘Is this your daughter’s dress? She says: No, why? It’s too tight I can see all the fat coming out of it. No! Not good on you. Ya Akhi! This is wrong! You lie to make the love ignited.

So, when you see this, say: ‘Wallahi, I don’t know who is making who beautiful?

Wallahi, you are making this dress so beautiful.

You are making this dress beautiful; it’s not the other way around.

You are the charming one who is making the dress beautiful. While, she would blush and say: ‘You are lying…’ and you say: ‘Yeah Yeah!’ (nodding in affirmation).

You should not, you should not!

You should try your level best to have this love increase. It takes a lot of diplomacy; it is not something difficult, it’s an Art! And, you have to know your shortcomings; and you know how to do this, Insha’Allah Allah (swt) will make things better.

Transcribed by Hira Naqi

Less is more: The Hazards Of Over-Parenting

 

parenting

Image Courtesy quotesgram.com

 

When my son was born- naturally, I was overjoyed. The mommy in me thought- now is the time to materialize the ‘to-do’ list I have been preparing since as long as I can remember.

My dreams,my desires, my wishes, my passions, my plans, my goals, my wants, my, my…and only my!

But, when things don’t go the way you planned in your head, you just tend to over-do it. You become somewhat reactive, and do more of something rather than less. If children are not listening to you, you most certainly will raise your voice, rather than lower it. If they are struggling with something, you jump in with plenty of ideas, rather than keeping quiet, or offering to help when needed. However, knowing that a softer voice would probably be more effective in getting their attention, but you have little or no faith at all in that notion.

With all the workshops, courses and webinars we have attended; the text we have read, and the discussions we have gone through; and thanks to the social media- there are strong assumptions that when our children are struggling, it means they need more: more attention, more time, more focus, more love, more rewards – maybe more warnings, and more punishments. Parents may wonder, for instance, if my daughter seems to be daydreaming lately, so perhaps, she needs more attention from her parents. My son isn’t doing too well in school this term/semester/year- perhaps, he needs more focus from teachers and parents. Or, my little one seems to have low self-esteem,  maybe he needs more love, acknowledgement, praise and rewards.

Stop Over-Giving, Over-Admiring, Over-Rewarding, and Over-Sharing

Anything in excess is never good. Mommies need to be wise enough to strike a balance between emotional needs, physical and material needs. How to attain that wisdom? We have many options now, but don’t delve too much in it for you will begin to over-think about matters which don’t even exist.

Maybe for some kids and for some parents, this is true; but, most of the time it is not. Often, giving more of those things is a sure way to impair our children, and you may push them towards being dependent all the time. Even though, we react this way out of unconditional love, we can be causing the very opposite outcome of what we intended.

One thing parents really need to be trained for is- to make your child independent; because, face it- you will not always be around to make things better for them. Why not start earlier and make them more responsible?

Years from now, when my son was still an infant, I was watching a talk show. This woman’s philosophy to make a child in-charge, made me realize how important it is to start early on. Don’t do everything for them, that way your prime focus is not to spoon-feed your child. What she said after made so much sense to me. When you are doing every little thing for your child, one – you are paralyzing them; and two – when your child is all grown up, you miss doing chores for them. And hence, you feel you have nothing left to do anymore. You end up in misery, and this causes major issues when you become the dreaded mother-in-law. When instead of you- someone else is running errands for your son.

From the very first day, we’ve been conditioned to over-do for our kids. By over-giving, over-rewarding, and over-admiring, we are contributing to their ultimate dependence on, perhaps, everything.

As a result, many kids believe, they can’t manage their schoolwork without help from their parents. Children don’t feel good about themselves- unless they are acknowledged by others; while some do not know how to regulate their lives without getting others’ time, focus and attention. Unconsciously, we as adults have encouraged dependence, rather than self-reliance in our little Ummah. Kids get addicted. And sometimes, we get our own validation by feeling useful and necessary through over-doing for our children. But in the end, they learn helplessness rather than resilience. Teach them to be responsible for little things at a tender age, give them job tasks according to their age, strength and understanding. Never underestimate your children’s potential.

That’s also, where we over-look Sunnah of the Prophet (sa). The ultimate example and inspiration for our little ones, who would not just do his own work, but help around the house.

Tolerating our Kids’ Pain

Being empathetic to people, especially to children is really important, to understand ones feelings, emotions and needs.

We hear all the time that in order to be a good parent, partner, or friend- it is important to fulfill others’ needs, and be empathetic to their feelings. Yes, that is important, but only up to a point. This perhaps is quite challenging for any parent, especially mothers.

For example, a teenage girl has issues with a friend at school. The parents empathize with the teen’s pain and struggles so much that each time the child has issues, they rush to solve it. Some may go to the extent of running, and picking the child- as soon as the youngster shows signs of distress. They would do whatever they could to make her feel better, assuring her that she hadn’t failed, and she was just not ready.

Same goes when a child who comes home, and complains about his teacher(s). Coming to the child’s aid instantly, may paralyze the child’s ability to deal with matters ultimately.

In such a scenario, would it be possible for the teenager to become more responsible and learn to deal with issues, without being too dependent each time? Her parents could have encouraged her to challenge her fear, manage her anxiety, and regulate her own emotions.

If you, as a parent, acknowledge your child’s struggles, efforts, pain and distress without rescuing them from it, each time- they can irrefutably grow up and become a more autonomous and responsible individual.

Naturally parents need to be more tolerant towards the child’s pain. Although, it can be very challenging to wisely pick and choose where to empathize, and where to let go. It is only when parents can raise their tolerance level for their child’s pain that their child can be motivated to do the same and not break down.

Is more ever better?

Is more the right solution? Is it ever better than less? You be the judge.

Try doing more for yourself and less for your child. For instance:

  • Empathize less, cater needs less, and focus less on her. I came across this piece where someone suggested- let your child get bored. It is then when the child will learn to entertain or busy themselves. But, if you as a parent begin to sympathize, suggest alternatives, and solve problems for them- they will come to you each time. I remember, as a child, when my parents’ friends would come over, we kids were left on our own without my parents suggesting what we should play. We (most of the times) never came to them grumbling, or whining that we are bored. I believe that’s why we came up with very creative games and kept ourselves busy. We, as parents, don’t give our kids a chance, and end up complaining about what we have hammered in them.
  • Think less about fulfilling your kids every need, and more about helping them take charge for themselves. A classic example- don’t go running back to school so that you can give homework books your child forgot – this attitude will never make them responsible individuals. Again, this is very age dependent- but try to begin as soon as possible. Also, never try to rush to replace something your child has lost due to carelessness.
  • Think less about your children’s feelings (all the time), and more about helping them function at their best. A mother telling her child, “You may not feel like apologizing to your cousin, but I am holding you accountable to do the right thing.”
  • Think less about giving into their whining and complaining, and more about helping them deal with problems and fine-tune themselves. “I know that you hate doing your chores, but when I ask you to do them, I expect them to get done. You can be unhappy about it, but please find a way not to drag others down when you are unhappy.”

Be there for your kids in the ways they actually need you, but move out of their way otherwise – learn to know the difference.

Letting Go

Surely, as a mother, you were repeatedly told by teachers, family, in-laws and friends, or acquaintances- that your kids seem to need more from you—attention, time, focus, recognition, rewards, approval—stop and think hard about it. You must have taken a couple of guilt trips each year as well. Clear your mind, take a deep breath, relax, get all the pre-notions out of your head, and in your quiet comfortable space, ask yourself- Does your child really need it? Are you actually a careless, negligent mother? Be honest to yourself and not judgmental. If so, then of course you should do more of what they need from you.

Remember to communicate…always talk, converse, discuss.

Nevertheless, in the more likely scenario, they are getting more than enough from you. Hence, it’s best for them if you cut back, and let them struggle to find their own legs. Letting go will leave you feeling wobbly at first, but with practice and time, you will find your own strong legs to stand on.

Lastly – Do not raise your children to financially provide for you. Raise them to worship Allah (swt). If you give your children everything, but haven’t given them the Deen, then you haven’t given them anything. Give them the Deen, which is everything. Teach your children Quran, and Quran will teach them everything Insha’Allah.

Are You Falling in This Trap?

character

Image Courtesy www.zawaj.com

 

Among those deceived people maybe the one who thinks that his good deeds are more than his sins because he does not pay attention to his bad deeds or keep a check on his sins. But if he does a good deed, he remembers it and relies on it.

This is like the one who seeks Allah’s forgiveness with his tongue, i.e. by words only, and glorifies Allah by saying Subhan Allah (Glory be to Allah) one hundred times a day. Then he backbites about the Muslims and slanders their honour and speaks all day long about things that displease Allah.

This person is always thinking about the virtues of his saying Subhan Allah and La ilâha illâ Allah but he pays no attention to what has been reported concerning those who backbite, those who lie and slander others, or those who commit other sins of the tongue.

They are completely deceived.

Transcribed for hiba by Anoshia Riaz