Are all men same?
The word ‘men’ tends to make ones insides churn with frustration; and brings to mind all kinds of words like chauvinists, annoying, irritating. They like limiting women in all spheres of life; are hungry for dominance over them, and consider it their moral ‘duty’ to subjugate the independent ones of today. God forbid, she decides that she wants to pursue a career and bring dishonour to the family!
A recent conversation that I had with my brother to shed some light on what’s really their ‘problem’. Recently, having learnt how to drive, I was ranting to him about how I should be allowed to drive myself to wherever I wanted to go. I accused him of being someone who couldn’t accept that women of today are independent, and don’t need men to get everything done- it’s something which irks them, making them feel like they’re losing the control, resulting in conflict between the two parties. However, that’s what I thought. What he had to say was something completely different, and I had to admit, unexpectedly.
‘We want to take responsibility for our women. That’s all.’
Looking at it from their perspective, I realised that that their desire isn’t to lock us up in the house, slaving away to cooking food for them from dawn to dusk. They just want to make sure that their women don’t need to be worried about the tiniest of things because they’ve taken care of it. They’d rather be the ones to stand in the lines under the scorching heat to pay the utility bills, or to make sure that the car’s filled with gas, or that the kids are dropped to and picked from school at time- in case the driver decides to take an impromptu leave. They would rather be the ones to deal with the vicious world outside the safety and protection of the house, than have their beloved women go through it every single day. Not because they can’t deal with it because they’re too weak- but rather- because they’d themselves rather be the ones to bear the brunt.
I’m in no way saying that there aren’t men who are abusive, or inconsiderate- because unfortunately, that is far from the truth. Many women suffer from extreme pain at the hands of the men they love and care for. All I’m saying is that all of them aren’t like that, and a vast majority of them are misunderstood as a result of the actions of a few.
So, instead of bashing the men in our lives all the time, and calling them out for every little mistake they do, we need to cherish the thousands of little things they do, which go unnoticed by us. Being respectful towards them, and being mindful of what they do for us- will go a long way in simmering down heated arguments with them.
Lastly, let’s try to hear them out. We tend to form judgements about them without even knowing their part of the story- resulting in them feeling misunderstood, and bottled up feelings- which pop up in ugly forms later. Know that it isn’t it a competition, so let’s not make it one.
Summing it all up with the beautiful verse in the Quran,
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means…”(An-Nisa 4:34)
Let’s pray to Allah (swt) to make our men the leaders of the righteous, to give them the courage and strength to stand up for the right, and to protect them always. Ameen.