Assuming he Understands!

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Nida Jamal

Nida Jamal is a Montessori Trainer Guide based in Islamabad. Authorised by Metamorphosis Organisation, Mexico, she is authorised as a Montessori Guide to counsel and train individuals under the Montessori Methodology. Earlier, she was running a Montessori in Islamabad and presently a Montessori Training Concern for the revival of true Montessori Philosophy at all age levels. She is also an author for children's series 'The Tiny World Books'. She has worked on curriculum planning and development over the years focusing on effective teaching methodologies at early years education.

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We all speak to our children. It’s either on the dining table, while curled up in bed, also when we’re on a drive or out shopping.

We do have conversations and we communicate!

But, we do not assure whether the words have traveled to the child’s ears, or whether they have bounced back unheard.

As a mother, I always failed at getting my kids to do what I wanted whenever I wanted. It was one of those failures that we all suffer during our parenting journey.

Every time promising not to yell out or falter as an excellent parent- but it just didn’t work.

Recent years have been a remarkable change, since I started trying the exact opposite of what I had been doing.

Earlier, when I would order my child, it would not affect him- rather leave my blood-boiling.
It was a constant drill, constant rumbling, exhausting chants and scolding.

Then, one day I realized that maybe there was something lacking; or maybe my method or my behaviour as a parent was at fault.

This is when I realized it was a total shift in the parenting strategy that was required, followed by a thought which somehow we tend to trash aside; kids are not robots programmed in a certain way, where failure to abide by the rules would crash the system.

Children are complete humans like us, regardless of age, they feel, sense, perceive.
How many of us would appreciate constant nagging and feel motivated by it.

Love and logic always play an effective role in our lives. Humans understand better when respected, loved and acknowledged.
On realizing these, I made some reforms;

  • No Ordering– when I wanted my child to clear up the mess in his room, I started telling him how I would feel happy if he did that for me.
  • Appreciating– I started praising my child for every little job well done- even if it was as small as putting his shoes back on the shoe rack.
  • No Comparisons– if you want to save yourself in parenting- never ever compare your child to other children. Your child must know that he’s the best.
  • Our-Time– if I deserve my space and time, kids deserve it too. We decided on how we all can schedule our time for something productive.
  • Options– we all love variety in everything. Giving your child options are a better way of avoiding unfavourable situations.
  • Awareness– making your child aware of good and bad, advantages and disadvantages, benefits and losses, broadens their perspective. It saves you from a lot of nerve racking arguments too.
  • Up-close-and-personal– our kids need to be sure that they can confide in us; that we are their real best friends, and no matter what happens we will support them.
  • Stop Assuming– most of the time, we assume that we are the best parents and our children understand what we want from them. Wanting is not a good thing anyway; rather we must facilitate our child as a complete being. Facilitate him emotionally, mentally, physically and accept him as a human and not a robot.
  • Understand– we always want children to understand what we want. Understanding what they want is more important in effective parenting.

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