Walking into holy matrimony at the age of nineteen, I had my fair share of doubts and misunderstandings. I had this fantasy of no less than a hybrid Mr. Darcy and Hugh Grant. For me, this marriage scenario basically meant a ‘Halal boyfriend’ type of situation – and to be quite honest, it’s not my fault that I had such expectations. The world of social media made me presume that my marriage would be full of selfies and hashtags. But it’s not like that.It’s so much better
The big day came and went in the blink of an eye, and six months later, there is so much that I have learnt.
- It is difficult.It’s not easy to live with someone you hardly know. But, with extra time and extra patience, it gets better. You become each other’s best friends, and everything becomes easier, when you have that one person to talk to about anything and everything. The Prophet’s (sa) marriage with Aisha (rtaf) is the paramount example of such a relationship. They played with one another, and one of my most favourite parts of the Seerah is that the Prophet (sa) would kiss Aisha (rtaf) on the forehead or cheeks in affection. I admire their relationship and feel that today such a relationship would excel over the orthodox ‘husband rules wife’ Desi marriage.
- Never assume!Assumptions are the death of happiness. Don’t assume that he isn’t trying or that he doesn’t care. Every man is different, and his perception of love is different as well. I assure you, give him time; he will prove to be a soppier romantic than you, and he may even surprise you with loving gestures.
- Don’t rush things.You have your whole life ahead of you, so take it easy. Enjoy the little moments together.
- Be generous with words and gestures.Say “Thank you”, “I’m sorry”, and “I love you” without hesitation. Spontaneous bursts of love are always confidence boosters. The Prophet (sa) treated all his wives with such love and respect, and his wives responded with the same. Respect, trust, and love are the foundations of a good marriage.
- Have little things that are just yours.A certain word that only you two know, or a game that only you two know how to play. Create something unique just for yourselves.
- Be each other’s support.This is the most important matter. Text messages and emails can always bring out other meanings, rather than what we wish to portray – so don’t be irrational and judge; instead, take a deep breath and support each other’s flaws and perfections. One of the most beautiful examples in Islamic history is Ibrahim’s (as) and his wife’s Hajra’s journey into Safa and Marwa. She supported her husband without any doubts, and waited for him in mountains with a wailing child. Her trust in Allah (swt) and her husband made her a woman of Jannah.
In the end, when the whole world seems like a lonely place, your spouse will always be there. He or she is “your person”; so fight for them and always appreciate them. They are one of a kind and they are all yours. Allah (swt) made marriage half of the faith and the Prophet (sa) made marriage a Sunnah. “Marriage is part of my Sunnah, and whoever does not follow my Sunnah has nothing to do with me.” (Ibn Majah)
As a girl, my Dua for myself and every other girl, who is married or about to get married, is to find a spouse that has the traits of Adam (as) in the matter of knowledge, the traits of Yaqub (as) in the matter of fatherhood, and the traits of Prophet Muhammad (sa) in the matters of love. Ameen.